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Original poster

Lack of text messaging... Do I move on or text?

79 replies

doitexthim · 14/04/2021 16:29

I've been seeing a guy from OLD for around a month now, we've seen each other 2-3 times a week, so quite a lot... He's always been consistent with texting 'good morning/night' and sending little updates/photos throughout the day. We've slept together 3 times. We met up on Sunday evening and had a lovely time, and he mentioned meeting up again tomorrow for a dinner date, which he was going to organise and book.

To be honest, he's been a lot more keen than I have (compliments etc.) He texts first most of the time and he told me he hasn't been on Tinder since we met, whereas I've been quite open with the fact that I've been checking my Tinder.

The last time I heard from him was Monday where he expressed what a lovely time he had the night before, wished me a good morning... then it's been radio silence. I heard nothing from him yesterday, or today so far, but he's been very active on social media. I don't feel like I want to text him to chase and pursue, I've always been a believer that if a man is truly interested he will make that clear. The thing is, I've had a couple of other offers of dates for tomorrow, but I've said no because I was meant to be meeting this guy for dinner...

Do I text him or leave it? I feel like I should accept other invitations, as he hasn't messaged to confirm anything, or tell me he's booked anything, and it's been radio silent which is very unlike him since Monday... IME lack of text messaging is usually the beginning of the end...

OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 14/04/2021 18:14

@doitexthim
I know right? I would much rather a fella just tell me he's not interested rather than start ignoring me, its brutal and makes you paranoid every time you meet a new one. I've given up for now as its damaged my self confidence a fair bit.

Lampan · 14/04/2021 18:14

He has probably realised you’re not as keen as he is and dialled it back a bit. Which I can’t blame him for. If you want to see him again, just message him! What have you got to lose?

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 18:17

@Mermaidwaves Exactly! And I gave him the perfect get out by asking him if we are still meeting tomorrow, he replied to one part of the message asking how he is but conveniently ignored the part about meeting tomorrow. So annoying.

OP posts:
TheJackieWeaver · 14/04/2021 18:17

You sound like you’re not that interested in him. Don’t go. Wait until you meet someone who makes you want to close your account!

Checkingout811 · 14/04/2021 18:17

You mustn’t like him much if you’re still open to meeting other people so I would just leave it and give you both the chance to meet someone you both like and who likes you back. No point stringing him along until something better comes along and equally, no point wasting your time if he isn’t what you’re looking for.

Swishswash88 · 14/04/2021 18:19

I would reply and ask again about meeting up. Don’t let him play games, he needs to be a man and say either yes or no... you don’t have anything to lose

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 18:20

@Swishswash88 I am very tempted to do so, he's old enough to be able to tell me he's not interested.

OP posts:
Swishswash88 · 14/04/2021 18:23

Honestly it’s happened to me... they’re all over you then suddenly go cold and it makes you feel shit because it’s come out of the blue. You’ve got nothing to lose and you won’t be in limbo waiting for him

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 18:26

@Swishswash88 I don't feel like I am in limbo, him not texting for two days (busy with work, but on social media all the time) and not replying to my question about meeting up says it all really. I'd just rather he admitted he's not interested then string it on / think that ghosting / bread crumbing is okay...

OP posts:
Maddox33 · 14/04/2021 18:28

He's obviously lost interest. Delete his number and get yourself back on Tinder!

TheJackieWeaver · 14/04/2021 18:30

You say you’d rather he admitted he’s not interested but he stopped looking on Tinder and messages most days, while you’re still checking Tinder and are careful not to message every day?

This doesn’t make much sense.

Seems more like you’re just not that into him.

55BrilliantColours · 14/04/2021 18:31

What line of work is he in?
Loads of places have reopened this week after the lockdown and many businesses are suddenly overwhelmed by the amount of customers they have coupled by the effects of a long furlough.

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 18:34

He wouldn't have conveniently missed the part of the text message about meeting tomorrow if he was interested, come on.

And he's not that busy, we've got one another on social media and he's made lots of posts in the last couple of days.

OP posts:
AbstractHeart · 14/04/2021 18:44

He made it clear he liked you, so if you liked him you should have done the same. Instead you've given him the impression that you're not keen so it's no surprise he's decided not to waste his time!

You need to stop game playing if you want to find a genuine guy!

Notmoresugar · 14/04/2021 18:48

Too late now, but personally I wouldn't have messaged him.
If a proper man wants you believe me he'll be in touch.
In my experience it's bad news when a guy swerves a direct question - he's probably just keeping his options open or a coward.
Please don't chase him up about it - he's had his chance.

Sadsiblingatsea · 14/04/2021 18:51

Best not to chase

Original poster
doitexthim · 14/04/2021 18:52

@Notmoresugar This is my exact attitude. To be honest, my temptation to text him now doesn't come out of wanting to meet him anymore, it comes more from annoyance at people being able to just get away with this (especially after sleeping with someone multiple times), with no real consequences. This is exactly why I continue to date around and don't properly commit to any man (e.g. coming off Tinder) before he's made his intentions clear. I've been burnt too many times.

OP posts:
Notmoresugar · 14/04/2021 18:58

Yup totally agree - you've got your head screwed on :)

Justmuddlingalong · 14/04/2021 19:00

I understand it's shit that he ignored your question about the date, but your attitude about being burnt before and that's why you don't commit, could be the very reason he's backed off. You see it as protecting yourself from being stung again, but the flip side is that the other person could withdraw for exactly the same reason.

BoodlesPoodle · 14/04/2021 19:03

Your instincts were right. He’s just not that into you. Dating is tough these days - I also keep my options open too until someone has made their intentions clear.

Move on. Don’t text him again. Thank you, next ....

Itlod1982 · 14/04/2021 19:03

@Notmoresugar

Too late now, but personally I wouldn't have messaged him. If a proper man wants you believe me he'll be in touch. In my experience it's bad news when a guy swerves a direct question - he's probably just keeping his options open or a coward. Please don't chase him up about it - he's had his chance.
After a few years of experience of how hard and shitty OLD is, I've come to have the same attitude as you OP. It's like I've become too cynical and hardened myself to it.

Started off assuming that if someone likes you they'll stop chatting to others on OLD and would only be interested in getting to know me etc. After years of this, I've come to the same position as you!! Not showing I'm too keen,
Keeping options open etc etc

However......I'm wondering if this has back fired here? Is he maybe newer to OLD, or more traditional, and taken your approach as you not being interested. He's maybe realised he was doing all the work and making the first mover every time, so thought he'd step back and wait to see if you were actually interested.

From your POV he's not texted you in 2 days...from his POV he texted you first every night and morning for last few months, he's arranged dinner etc and he's maybe wondering if you're not that into him? Particularly if he thinks you're using tinder when he's not?!

So so many players on tinder but there will be some genuine guys too so try not to have your walls up too much (if only I could take my own advice, lol!) Thanks

BoodlesPoodle · 14/04/2021 19:08

I have to wonder if the posters who thought OP gave an impression she wasn’t keen have dated recently. This pattern is very normal.

I protect my emotions by not sleeping with them / slowing the pace right down - but the ghosting, breadcrumbs, even negging, still hurts.

Justmuddlingalong · 14/04/2021 19:21

The OP herself said he was more keen. That he was the one initiating texts. Is it only women who are allowed to be disillusioned by OLD?

ThatOtherPoster · 14/04/2021 19:22

I feel like I should accept other invitations, as he hasn't messaged to confirm anything, or tell me he's booked anything,

I only just found this thread but I I’d have told you to follow your instincts and not text him. Men who like you are transparent! He’d have been consistent with texts this week and chatted about the dinner. You were right to think he was off.

Next time promise me you’ll trust your gut?

And you’ve still got time to organise a date for tomorrow. Your evening just “unexpectedly freed up”...

Go out and have a lovely time. And yes you’re right, you don’t have to stop accepting other dates unless you’ve discussed exclusivity - but then I wouldn’t shag anyone before I was exclusive with them. Your tinder comment won’t have put him off. If he wanted you off the market he’d have asked you to be exclusive.

I’ve never met any married couples where the woman had to prove she was keen and interested before the man treated her nicely.

ThatOtherPoster · 14/04/2021 19:23

And you’ve still got time to organise a date for tomorrow.

With someone else, I mean. Not this jackass.

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