Passion after 40.. is it possible?!

[grapefruitforest]

I've been in a long distance relationship for 8 months. We're both in our early 40s, divorced, with children. We have no plans to move in together in the future or blend our families.

So, I think we should just be enjoying each other at such an early stage with no commitment. romance, staying up late chatting and getting to know each other better, lots of passion!

Last night my boyfriend came to bed, played on his phone, farted a lot, and gave me a peck on the cheek before falling asleep. It was our last night together for a while, he went home today. This is just an example, but it's generally how our relationship is.

Is this really it? I'd rather be single again than this. (My bf does know how I feel about this, I've told him, he doesn't seem to get my point though and says he loves me so much and proves it by coming to visit me etc) Does what I want exist at this stage in life?! I would love to hear some positive stories! (Or even just that I'm past the passionate stage and I should stay single!)

Oh God, go for the passion! Don't stick with this guy! Sometimes I wonder if I'm being realistic to expect or even hope that passion is part of a relationship. I certainly haven't got it, and I sometimes feel like I'm being unreasonable to want it. I don't want to waste my life with this nothingness, and you shouldn't either. Get someone who adores you! You deserve it. Me too. I hope I find it one day :(

Of course it’s possible. I’m early 40s and have a few different lovers, one of whom is almost 68 - he is the best lover I’ve ever had and has good stamina, there’s plenty of passion there.

@ignoringthechoc thank you, that's positive and great to hear that you went on to meet someone else. I'm definitely happy being single for now, maybe one day I'll meet someone but hearing I've got plenty of time for passion in my life I'm in no rush! I don't want a live in partner, I've got children, so I think time together should be cherished and really enjoyed.

@Wakingup55643 I hope you do too! Are you in a relationship now?

I did end it with my bf yesterday. Tbh there were some other issues aside from this, I just think that the example I gave at the beginning was the last straw for me and that I need more, or to be single again, which is the choice I've made. He is a lovely guy though and I feel horrible for hurting him. I haven't met many lovely guys in my life.

I'm married @grapefruitforest To a wet fish. I'm so very frustrated. I go running just to get away. But then I look at my body, which is not too bad for a 40 something, and wonder why I'm wasting my time as he never even thinks to look.

Well done on making the break from someone who wasn't right for you. Better off alone than stuck with Mr Wrong.

Late 40's have a regular hook up a 50 year old - its a hook up so yes, lots and lots of passion. Get it all in before vaginal atrophy hits is my goal!

Vaginal atrophy is not necessarily a given. I'm well past menopause at 58 and as tight yet lubricated as ever - for the right man! I think it's called the silver surge? I just hope the urge never goes - my DF is 87 and is still at it with his girlfriend, so with luck i'll take after him

I think he would have started given your the severe ick any time soon anyway op so for the best that you've sacked it off. It's hard when they are otherwise nice and all the rest of it but you really do need to fancy the person you are with and they you or it's a non starter.
I'm 41, been with my boyfriend for a year and I fancy him more than anyone I've ever met. We spend a lot of time having sex and it's great. I had a bit of a sexless previous marriage and this has been a revelation. I wouldn't want to go back to not having that connection with someone.

Silver sex? I have a widowed friend who has just celebrated her 71st birthday. She is proud that she is regularly getting laid by 2 different lovers (not at the same time!).

I'm 41, been with my boyfriend for a year and I fancy him more than anyone I've ever met. We spend a lot of time having sex and it's great. I had a bit of a sexless previous marriage and this has been a revelation. I wouldn't want to go back to not having that connection with someone.

Omg @theworldsbiggestcrocodile after a 13 year marriage, 10 of them sexless, this is what I want. I want it!!!!!

The silver surge? Sounds amazing.. many years left yet then, here's hoping! I'll keep taking my vitamins, I'm sure that will help! 🤣

I'm 55, DP is 67, yes we fart in bed & go on our phones sometimes but never at the expense of sex!!

the farting sometimes happens during sex but never the phones thing

We've been together 3 years & are just as passionate as ever

For months I didn't even know how tall my now husband was. We had sex all the time. We were young and skinny then. It was absolutely amazing. We've been together 32 years now and we still find each other very attractive even though we are old and fat 🤣. 8 months it's a very short time to fart and play with your phone.

I’ve been together with my DP for six years we’re early 50s now. For the first year or so I think I only saw his living room about 4 times 😁 I used to have to drink a bottle of Lucozade to give me the energy to make it back to the car to go home after a bit of Afternoon Delight. And the sleep? Oh my God, after a good session I’d sleep the sleep of the dead for 10 hours straight. I’d joke that he should be available on the NHS (he really should).

What I’m getting at is that at 8 months in you should be like sex bunnies. This is as good as it’s going to get in the bedroom department.

@SarahBellam comments like this are making me cry with raging jealousy!!!!! :'(

@Wakingup55643 I'm 44 and my boyfriend is 49 and been dating just over 9 months. We are constantly jumping each other's bones! When we have weekends together, we often have sex 2-3 times a day and we love it. Before I met him, I had a FWB with a younger man for 2-2.5 years and he was awesome in bed though we only met up 1-2 times a month. I actually find that since I turned 40, my sex drive is raging. Maybe because I came off any hormonal contraception and maybe because sex is really now purely just for fun rather than for conception or duty. My boyfriend and I are also head over heels in love. We are like two teenagers in love, never thought I could feel this way with someone at my age. Very aware it might not last but I am so glad to be reminded that it can still happen at any age. I was pretty much single for 8 years after my marriage ended before I met him (had short term stuff but nothing like this) but my god, so worth the wait!

Omg op, are you me?! I've just ended a similar length relationship for similar reasons. Did your exboyf's ex wife end their marriage? With my exboyf I think it was just his default to slip into long term married mode. I too needed more passion and excitement, and a little piece of me would wither when I went in for a morning snuggle and he picked up his phone to check it

I've decided to stay single now but here's hoping there's more passion for both of us in the future, whatever form that may take!

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic

Vaginal atrophy is not necessarily a given. I'm well past menopause at 58 and as tight yet lubricated as ever - for the right man! I think it's called the silver surge? I just hope the urge never goes - my DF is 87 and is still at it with his girlfriend, so with luck i'll take after him

Silver sex? I have a widowed friend who has just celebrated her 71st birthday. She is proud that she is regularly getting laid by 2 different lovers (not at the same time!)

These two posts have given me such hope! I am really hoping this will be me! I don't want to stop wanting or having sex!

As soon as the farting started I'd have told him to leave.

@Dontcallmewifey if you don't want to lose it then you have to use it, IYSWIM. I was in a sexless marriage for 10 years until I was 55, but continued to masturbate etc as I enjoyed it (I'd given up on actual sex at that point). I'm glad I did, as it all came rushing back once I got out there to find a new, fully functioning man.

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic
Yes, I had no sex for many years in my marriage and orgasm free sex prior to that. I didn't masturbate as I lost all desire. I think my clitoris has retreated somewhat, as I have read it can if not used. However, now that I have my sex drive back and a great sex partner its still extremely functional . And I'll not make the mistake of giving up on my sexual side again.

@Misty9

Omg op, are you me?! I've just ended a similar length relationship for similar reasons. Did your exboyf's ex wife end their marriage? With my exboyf I think it was just his default to slip into long term married mode. I too needed more passion and excitement, and a little piece of me would wither when I went in for a morning snuggle and he picked up his phone to check it

I've decided to stay single now but here's hoping there's more passion for both of us in the future, whatever form that may take!

I've only just seen your reply, thank you, I hope so too!

Yes his ex wife ended their marriage. I'm not sure of the details, he said they just drifted apart.

@SarahBellam that's amazing! The bottle of lucozade comment made me laugh 😂

I actually think it is an age thing as pp have mentioned.. I know that from my mid-late 30s onwards my sex drive has been so much higher than it was in my 20s when I could pretty much take it or leave it!