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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me unravel this mystery!

112 replies

Vanillarose1 · 06/04/2021 11:21

This is so bizarre I don't even know where to begin...

I received a phone call this morning from a woman claiming that I am having an affair with her husband. I have never heard of nor met this man and he's about 20 years older (deduced from the fact she said they'd been married for 40 years).

She said that there were messages all over BOTH of their phones from me - arranging hotel and airport visits and I'm guessing graphic material as she was very upset.

She told me that he was in hospital having taken an overdose over all of it.

I do have my own public-facing business (think wedding photography as an example) so my face, number and approx location are all easily available. She had looked me up and read all of my reviews.

How on earth have I been linked to this mess? Could someone use my number and hack messages onto both of their phones? It makes no sense at all. My partner think that she may be a stalker or mentally ill but she sounded so genuine and distraught. We subsequently looked her up on Facebook and she lives in the same small town as us and does the job she claimed she does.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? I am shaking with shock even though it's all absolutely nothing to do with me!

I feel like I really want to help her!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 06/04/2021 11:27

This is a bit extreme but I know there are apps which can send messages apparently from different numbers. I was thought they were random numbers chosen by the app so that two messages would each have different numbers.

HollowTalk · 06/04/2021 11:28

Had her husband admitted to it?

Plinkplonk1234 · 06/04/2021 11:32

I have heard of a scam where they use identity theft and set up a cat fishing scenario to blackmail a victim. I would presume they have a different phone number listed on their phones under your name but that his wife phoned you on the number on your website.

Chocolateismakingmefat · 06/04/2021 11:32

Be prepared for her /a burly relative turning up op...

DoWahDiddy · 06/04/2021 11:32

I had a woman call me accusing me of getting her daughter pregnant and doing a runner. I have the same name as the other guy. I asked her what number she was calling and it was the same number as mine apart from the last digit. Asked her to call me back to confirm but she said I was making excuses. She never did call back to apologise. Strange things do happen!

Original poster
Vanillarose1 · 06/04/2021 11:40

She just kept saying "everything links back to you and your number!"

I have no idea what her husband had to say about it all but why did he take an overdose over something that didn't happen?! Unless she just wouldn't believe him but still...there must be so much more to this.

I asked her to send me screenshots (I only gave her my business email as that is publically available) so I could report it to 101 if someone is impersonating me but nothing received yet.

It's so awful to be accused of something that you have nothing to do with! And when you read other posts about calling the OW they say "she'll just deny it anyway"! So I'm worried that she didn't believe me.

OP posts:
PriestessofPing · 06/04/2021 12:39

That does sound bizarre! Well if the screenshots come through you can check if she’s got the number right and then take it further. I expect the most simple explanation is this poor lady is so upset she took the number down wrong and looked it up online and got obsessed with researching you and your business etc.

At the end of the day i’m sure her husband can look at a picture of you and confirm you’re not the person once he’s well enough.

I don’t think you need to worry about helping her, if she’s genuine then once she realises you aren’t the OW she thinks you are it’ll probably be awkward for her.

Spottybluepyjamas · 06/04/2021 12:54

I would say she took the number down wrong and then looked it up and found you online. Wait for the screen grabs to come through and then you'll be able to tell what's happened!

Original poster
Vanillarose1 · 06/04/2021 12:56

I've got a couple of theories - (if she is genuine)

  1. It's a revenge thing. My EXH has a lot of time on his hands and our relationship is poor so he has motive but he isn't that tech savvy. Interestingly, my partner's EXW is much more computer literate and our relationship with her and her partner is also fractious so she's another candidate.
  1. The husband has been catfished by someone using my photo/details and he took an overdose because he'd been caught?

That's all I've got!

OP posts:
Original poster
Vanillarose1 · 06/04/2021 12:57

I can't see how she took my number down wrong - we both live in the same small town and it was my mobile number (so not linked geographically).

OP posts:
Wellies54 · 06/04/2021 14:52

Sound like he definitely thinks he's been messaging you so someone must be using your identity. Is it worth you and her trying to work out if you know anyone in common who would have information and contact details and might be awful enough to want to entrap him? Maybe you should contact the police too?

Original poster
Vanillarose1 · 06/04/2021 14:54

If she would send me the screenshots then I definitely would! But she hasn't yet - she didn't sound confident that she knew how to send them to me. My partner says to stay out of it and not contact her unless she contacts me again. It's really playing on my mind though.

OP posts:
Phoenix121 · 07/04/2021 10:22

Could it be someone who knows your partner?

harknesswitch · 07/04/2021 10:37

Could he have changed a digit on the ow phone number to cover his sense and it's changed it to your number?

I don't know if that would still keep messages under that persons name or not.

HollowTalk · 07/04/2021 10:49

Hmm her refusal to send screenshots sounds very suspicious. If she's not tech savvy then she could surely ask someone else to do it for her?

Kelly345 · 07/04/2021 11:00

I think she just dialed the wrong number.

ArrrMeHearties · 07/04/2021 11:02

Sounds pretty bonkers I hope you get to the bottom of it

Original poster
Vanillarose1 · 07/04/2021 11:03

She didn't refuse to send them, she said she would but still hasn't. I spoke to a friend who is a police officer yesterday and they said it's a possible scam. She said she had 3 foster children and didn't know what was going to happen to them so it's possible she could call again and ask for money? She said to try and get screenshots and then report it.

My partner is thinking about calling her and asking to go and see the phone so he can take some photos.

Part of me thinks we should just leave it but it's awful to have someone out there thinking so badly of you when you're innocent! Or even worse someone out there who is actively trying to cause you harm! Or a stalker...?!

OP posts:
EveWasReframed · 07/04/2021 11:08

Well, it's either about (a) malice, or (b) money.

That's all I've got.

Phoenix121 · 07/04/2021 11:10

When you have concerns about possibly being stalked, people will always say 'try not to worry about it' @Vanillarose1. I think better advice is to remain vigilant but try to not let it take over your life completely.

largeaslifeandtwiceasugly · 07/04/2021 11:10

I would not contact her again, ignore and if she sends anything else/more accusations, maybe have a chat with the police and leave it in their hands.

Hotcuppatea · 07/04/2021 11:12

Maybe she has mental health issues and is making the whole thing up? Did she give you her name or his name? Do they even exist?

InFiveMins · 07/04/2021 11:13

Sounds like someone has scammed them using your details. I'd ring 101 to report it as they could be doing it to others too.

ClaudiaWankleman · 07/04/2021 11:16

I'd be worried she would leave some fake reviews/ bad mouth your business over the local Facebook page etc. That would motivate me to get to the bottom of it.

Kelly345 · 07/04/2021 11:21

@Vanillarose1

She didn't refuse to send them, she said she would but still hasn't. I spoke to a friend who is a police officer yesterday and they said it's a possible scam. She said she had 3 foster children and didn't know what was going to happen to them so it's possible she could call again and ask for money? She said to try and get screenshots and then report it.

My partner is thinking about calling her and asking to go and see the phone so he can take some photos.

Part of me thinks we should just leave it but it's awful to have someone out there thinking so badly of you when you're innocent! Or even worse someone out there who is actively trying to cause you harm! Or a stalker...?!

**Part of me thinks we should just leave it but it's awful to have someone out there thinking so badly of you when you're innocent! Or even worse someone out there who is actively trying to cause you harm! Or a stalker...

All the more reason you shouldn't respond.

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