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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me unravel this mystery!

112 replies

Vanillarose1 · 06/04/2021 11:21

This is so bizarre I don't even know where to begin...

I received a phone call this morning from a woman claiming that I am having an affair with her husband. I have never heard of nor met this man and he's about 20 years older (deduced from the fact she said they'd been married for 40 years).

She said that there were messages all over BOTH of their phones from me - arranging hotel and airport visits and I'm guessing graphic material as she was very upset.

She told me that he was in hospital having taken an overdose over all of it.

I do have my own public-facing business (think wedding photography as an example) so my face, number and approx location are all easily available. She had looked me up and read all of my reviews.

How on earth have I been linked to this mess? Could someone use my number and hack messages onto both of their phones? It makes no sense at all. My partner think that she may be a stalker or mentally ill but she sounded so genuine and distraught. We subsequently looked her up on Facebook and she lives in the same small town as us and does the job she claimed she does.

Has anyone experienced anything similar? I am shaking with shock even though it's all absolutely nothing to do with me!

I feel like I really want to help her!

OP posts:
Mylovelyhorsee · 08/04/2021 17:32

@Vanillarose1 op are you just having the affair?

joysexreno · 08/04/2021 17:36

Agree on welfare check and calling the number from the van.

Vanillarose1 · 08/04/2021 17:39

[quote Mylovelyhorsee]@Vanillarose1 op are you just having the affair?[/quote]
Yep. Caught me. Thought I'd draw a bit more attention to it too. The ultimate double bluff! Can't get enough of my Dad's mates...

OP posts:
gallileofigaro · 08/04/2021 18:11

If I were you I wouldn't approach her or get your DP to approach her directly. However I would report to police and request a welfare check and then delete and block.

rainbowmash · 08/04/2021 18:13

I work a little with mental health service users, and my first thought was that the caller's husband may have been experiencing a mental health crisis, which involved either a delusional "relationship" with OP, or a one-sided fixation with a stranger (OP) which led to him collecting any bits of information he could find.

His suicide attempt could be linked with a more serious breakdown, rather than guilt. His wife may have had no clue about his activities until he injured himself and she went looking for some answers.

It doesn't sound like there are any actual communications between him and "OP" on record - maybe the caller imagined some of the more lurid details because of stress?

KnockKnockPotato · 08/04/2021 21:44

So odd. I really hope you get to the bottom of all of this.

FenceSplinters · 09/04/2021 09:42

@torquewench

Id withhold your number, and get your DP to ring the number on the side of the husband's van (assuming there is one) on the pretext of getting a quote to ascertain whether or not he's in hospital.
Good idea!
RachelRavenRoth · 09/04/2021 09:50

To me it sounds like the husband has been scammed. Id message her to say you are categorically not having an affair with her husband and you think he may have been targeted by scammers. Then call your police friend and ask if possibly for a welfare check.

Justilou1 · 09/04/2021 11:31

Or - he’s a pervy guy who’s finally been caught by his wife and has staged a suicide attempt to avoid the consequences and she’s victim-blaming, as she doesn’t want to accept that her husband is a dodgy creep who has used his business van to spy on women going about their regular business to get his jollies. This also happens. Call the police.

ChristmasFluff · 09/04/2021 17:19

She is a scammer.

She is using fake names, fake everything. The house you have looked at, the husband etc, is nothing to do with her

Watch and wait - the scam will unfold.

Police, all the way

Aprilshowersandhail · 09/04/2021 18:15

Report to the police then totally keep out of it.

Pricklypear12 · 09/04/2021 23:44

Any updates op?

JackieTheFart · 10/04/2021 00:29

I think it sounds scammy too. You have a business easily findable of google. Presumably this woman wasn’t expecting you to come clean to your DP, which has flustered her.

I’ve seen similar scams noted before - someone video chats and gets the person to do or say stuff which is then recorded and used to blackmail them or they’ll send it to their contacts. This seems like a more sophisticated grown up version of that.

Feminem · 10/04/2021 08:18

Is he having an affair with someone but covering his tracks by pretending it's you op? Look forward to the resolution

Mum4Fergus · 10/04/2021 08:51

Haven't RTFT but this exact thing happened to me a few years ago.

I woke up to dozens of missed calls/messages from an unknown number accusing me of all sorts.

I did eventually answer one of the calls to an utterly bereft woman and after that call and a couple of others that were a bit more calm we managed to piece it all together.

Now, please don't test my technical knowledge as I was confused by it all at the time too.

A couple of years previous to this episode, and for reasons not relevant, I changed my phone number and had my old phone number on divert. All worked well and in all honesty I forgot about until this episode.

My old mobile phone provider recycles old/unused numbers after (I think it was) 6 years. So someone was allocated my old number, but when anyone called it, they still diverted to me. It took a few calls to the provider to sort it out but it did resolve the issue.

As it transpired, there was an OW and she had bought a new phone (and my old number) to keep affair secret from her partner. Her AP had written her number down somewhere, his DW found it, called it, and got diverted to me.

RevolvingPivot · 10/04/2021 10:01

@Vanillarose1

The most worrying thing was a screenshot of directions to my house.

Except it wasn't actually my house as I don't list my proper address on google business for this very reason!

What does this mean?
Why would you need to put your home address on your website?
Who's address did you use?

Nothing to do with the scenario I'm just nosey 😆

RevolvingPivot · 10/04/2021 10:03

@Mum4Fergus

Haven't RTFT but this exact thing happened to me a few years ago.

I woke up to dozens of missed calls/messages from an unknown number accusing me of all sorts.

I did eventually answer one of the calls to an utterly bereft woman and after that call and a couple of others that were a bit more calm we managed to piece it all together.

Now, please don't test my technical knowledge as I was confused by it all at the time too.

A couple of years previous to this episode, and for reasons not relevant, I changed my phone number and had my old phone number on divert. All worked well and in all honesty I forgot about until this episode.

My old mobile phone provider recycles old/unused numbers after (I think it was) 6 years. So someone was allocated my old number, but when anyone called it, they still diverted to me. It took a few calls to the provider to sort it out but it did resolve the issue.

As it transpired, there was an OW and she had bought a new phone (and my old number) to keep affair secret from her partner. Her AP had written her number down somewhere, his DW found it, called it, and got diverted to me.

Doesn't they defeat the whole point of changing your number?
Mum4Fergus · 10/04/2021 10:10

@RevolvingPivot no - it met my needs at the time.

Vanillarose1 · 10/04/2021 15:06

[quote RevolvingPivot]@Vanillarose1

The most worrying thing was a screenshot of directions to my house.

Except it wasn't actually my house as I don't list my proper address on google business for this very reason!

What does this mean?
Why would you need to put your home address on your website?
Who's address did you use?

Nothing to do with the scenario I'm just nosey 😆 [/quote]
Don't worry it wasn't another house!

It's on google business that you must give an address for customers to find you. I give my approximate area but the pinpointed location is in some green space about 10 mins walk from my house.

OP posts:
Vanillarose1 · 10/04/2021 15:08

@Pricklypear12

Any updates op?
No updates I'm afraid. We've been dealing with an unrelated crisis so this has fallen to the back burner a bit. DP has sent another message to the woman this morning asking if she has any further info as in her last message it said "I've got lots more" then we'll send everything we have to 101. What we have from her atm wouldn't be enough to trigger any kind of investigation we don't think.
OP posts:
Fashio · 10/04/2021 17:40

Youre very cool OP! We once had a call to my h number from some rough sounding bloke shouting that he’d made his girlfriend pregnant. For lots of reasons it ended up as quite funny.

lightofthetrees · 10/04/2021 18:30

So no screen shots of messages to do with airports? Is she just suspect that he's having an affair and investigating anything suspicious on his phone. Could he have take screenshots to use your business?

Sexnotgender · 10/04/2021 18:44

How odd. Does sound like scam. Do you know for sure it’s the woman you think who is contacting you who actually is?

accentdusoleil · 10/04/2021 18:55

Sounds like the husband has spun a web of lies to hide his affair and/ or weird obsession with you.

Awful man

MummyE87 · 10/04/2021 19:24

Have you actually been to the house that you believe to be the woman's?

I wouldn't believe her until I'd physically spoken with her on the doorstep of said house. Where the van is etc....

She may have done the same thing and used this mans address via the internet as with your business. All sounds very odd, would be the same and extremely upset to be accused of something like that.

Will be interesting to see the outcome. Hopefully a HUGE mistake x

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