Partner not happy with birth control method

[mummy412]

I've posted on here before about my desire to do fertility awareness as I've completely come off hormonal contraception due to side-effects.

However my partner has made it clear he doesn't feel comfortable with it and started asking me what I would do if if I was to get pregnant.

Neither of us wants a child in the next five years but I definitely do not want to get on any hormonal contraception

I've paid £250 for the Daysy and I have different apps I'm using to track my cycles

however last night he said he doesn't feel comfortable with it so I suggested he either get the snip or use condoms every time and he said no.

This is really bugging me as I think he just has a complete lack of care about my health and well-being. I responded really badly to both pills to the point where I was actually getting depressed and I've been on the implant before and it caused bleeding constantly I looked into the other methods and I really don't like the sound of them.

He's not the sort of man I'd want to be with. The pill is a pile of shit for most women...it is poorly researched and not healthy at all.

If he's not willing to compromise, you can't be with him surely.

He’s asking what YOU would do if YOU got pregnant?! It takes two, bit apparently he doesn’t see it that way. He won’t use a condom so what? He wants you to use hormonal birth control that messes you up?

I’d think long and hard about whether I even wanted to have sex with someone who takes such little responsibility for safe sex and seems happy for you to suffer contraception wise.

He won’t use a condom, so he he won’t be having sex with you!
He’s perfectly alright with you taking medication, but he won’t put a bit of rubber on?
He thinks that you and you alone are responsible for you not becoming pregnant?
I’d be rethinking this relationship.

He can use a condom (vasectomy is and should be considered a permanent form of contraceptive - reversal is in no way guaranteed to work, so it should be used when a man does not want to father children or anymore children EVER).

He's not comfortable with that, that would be the end of my having sex with him.

He'd be out for the what would YOU do if if YOU become pregnant comment.

He won't use a condom or fertility tracking so he doesn't get to have sex does he??

I think it is fair for a man to ask a woman he is sleeping with what she would do if she fell pregnant. I'd always keep it. My best friend would never keep it. If a man would be distraught about a pregnancy he caused being aborted, he shouldn't sleep with her. If he'd be distraught about fathering a/nother child, he shouldn't sleep with me. If it is the same man he shouldn't sleep with either of us!
However, you've chosen a form of contraception you are happy with. If he isn't happy he is free to add in his own. He doesn't get to make you do anything to your body though.
When my now husband and I went to the clinic as then-teenagers we asked when the male pill might be available. I'm not far off the menopause and I'm still waiting! There will always be chancers who would claim to be on it, but for long term relationships (especially if the man is more against pregnancy than the woman) it would be a godsend.

If he at least won't use a condom then consider LTB. He doesn't really care for your over all health. Contraception is tough for women as you know of course. It's always the woman who is expected to sort out contraception , men don't really take responsibility for it.

I agree with all the PPs about your DH’s selfish attitude.
However, you are currently using a very unreliable method, and could very well become pregnant.
Have you considered getting a copper coil fitted? No hormones are involved, and it lasts for up to 5 years. If you wish to become pregnant before then, it can easily be removed.

I think you should be reconsidering your relationship.

I've just had DS3 (unplanned) and DH is fully supportive. We made a conscious decision that we were going to track ovulation due to my not getting on with the pill/coil/implant and a err "slip up" resulted in our lovely new baby.

We both value each others daily comfort enough to not want to force contraception side effects on the other.

I can understand him not wanting a vasectomy but if he's set against babies then he needs to man up and put a rubber on.

I couldn't bring myself to have sex with someone with your partner's attitude.

What a selfish twat.
This would make me seriously rethink my relationship with him if I were you.

🤮

Wouldn’t have sex with him without a condom, as sounds probable he’d not stick around if you became pregnant and decided to continue the pregnancy. Versions of the ‘rhythm method’ aren’t contraception.

You have multiple choices as a couple:

1. No penis in vagina sex - do other things like oral

1. Condoms

1. Vasectomy

1. Coil/implant

1. Diaphragm/cervical sponge with spermicide

1. Abstinence during fertile period

Sounds like he's just an arsehole though

I have sympathy with him not wanting to rely on apps for birth control. If that's the contraception you both choose to use, it's one you should both be willing to take the risk on.

But he absolutely does not get to insist that you use any form of hormonal contraception. If he's unhappy with apps, then he needs to use a condom. Simple as that.

Isnt there a non hormonal coil. Don't know how reliable it is though.

But with his attitude ..

He's very very selfish. Especially since there are very thin, high sensation etc condoms.

No condoms no sex.

He cant say no to them and think its remotely ok to still expect sex. What a creepy bastard.

Fertility awareness, the pill and condoms are not the only types of birth control.

If he won't use a condom then he's a selfish arsehole.

Essentially he's saying you should take all of the responsibility, and he gets to approve your decision or override it. He is unconcerned about you not wanting to be on hormonal contraception. What a nice chap.

Threads like this are so frequent it's depressing.

Jesstan agree. Not having sex with your partner because he's being a complete tosser is also effective.

I'm with nicegerbil

So you have a man who won't pay towards the household, ignores you after an argument and won't wear condoms but thinks any pregnancy would be your issue to deal with?
If this is true, you need to give your head a wobble.

And you actually still want to have sex with this man? I can't think of anything less likely to get me into bed, than a man refusing to take any responsibility for birth control whilst whining that he doesn't like the solution I've chosen. Urgh.

He can express a preference for not using condoms.
He can decide not to play the Russian Roulette of fertility tracking.
He can't tell you to use a form of contraception that is negative for you.
Looks like you're at a stalemate.

What is his suggestion then? Why does he think the onus is on you? He sounds like a selfish arse

The question to him should be ‘what will you do if we don’t have sex unless you take responsibility for contraception? It’s your turn.’

Your partners cruddy attitude aside you should only be concerned with your own health. He shouldn't be making decisions regarding your sexual health or birth control.
I developed lots of issues with hormonal birth control, tried the diaphragm route and ended up going for a copper coil as there is no hormones involved. However, less than a year in I had it removed due to it causing heavy periods which dislodged it and left me in agony. I now how a version of the mirena coil which has been a godsend, lighter periods and no side effects. I'd highly recommend it.