Partner not happy with birth control method

[mummy412]

I've posted on here before about my desire to do fertility awareness as I've completely come off hormonal contraception due to side-effects.

However my partner has made it clear he doesn't feel comfortable with it and started asking me what I would do if if I was to get pregnant.

Neither of us wants a child in the next five years but I definitely do not want to get on any hormonal contraception

I've paid £250 for the Daysy and I have different apps I'm using to track my cycles

however last night he said he doesn't feel comfortable with it so I suggested he either get the snip or use condoms every time and he said no.

This is really bugging me as I think he just has a complete lack of care about my health and well-being. I responded really badly to both pills to the point where I was actually getting depressed and I've been on the implant before and it caused bleeding constantly I looked into the other methods and I really don't like the sound of them.

The copper IUD (coil) is non-hormonal, very reliable, and therefore could be an option for you if your periods aren't too heavy (it can make them heavier and more painful for up to the first six months).

But I agree with the other posters, do you really want to accommodate this man? If he fails to compromise on this issue, which directly affects your physical and mental well-being, he may do the same in future with other life choices, to your disadvantage.

started asking me what I would do if if I was to get pregnant.

Any other issues aside, I don't see what is so wrong with this as it would be her body and her choice. It would not be his decision.

The wider question seems to be "is it a good idea to invest in a relationship with a man like this" rather than the contraception conundrum.

He's probably right to be wary of "natural" methods like tracking your fertility but to then refuse to use condoms is just stupid and selfish.

Condoms are the compromise, reliable and non harmful to health. You shouldn't use the tracking method because the rate of failure is too high.

Stop having sex with him.

Is this a relatively new relationship with no kids involved, it sounds like it? Cos I'd be sacking him off if so tbh, his attitude is awful. Personally I absolutely wouldn't be happy to rely on natural family planning as it's so unreliable. However if this was with my DH if he wasn't willing to use condoms or get the snip and if I wasn't able/willing to use an alternative method of contraception) then we'd be at a stalemate which would mean - abstinence.

I was in a similar relationship OP and he was a complete wanker. We were only together for a few months though, then I dumped him. He was so selfish it was pathological and very, very immature.

He wouldn't use condoms so I tried the copper coil but it gave me horrendously heavy periods for the time I was on it and was really painful as well both to insert and remove. I made him have an STD test before having sex without condoms but he was such as utter waste of space that I just ended it.

I really, really advise you to think twice about not using contraception with him because do you want to have a kid with someone so incredibly selfish and immature?

Well if he's not happy with your suggestion and he won't use condoms or have the snip, then no sex!

I don't see why you should have to take something that fucks up your body just so he doesn't have to compromise

Tbh I'd not want to be with someone who blatantly puts his own wants, needs and desires above his wife's health

Oh, OP! On top of everything else?

You REALLY need to rethink your place in your own life!

I was in the same position as you. I opted for a copper coil. There are no side effects, as there are no hormones. It lasts ten years, best thing I ever did.

So you have a man who won't pay towards the household, ignores you after an argument and won't wear condoms but thinks any pregnancy would be your issue to deal with?
If this is true, you need to give your head a wobble.

This in spades!

I came off contraception about 6 years ago, we had dc2 since but she was planned. I track and Dp Puts a condom on at the point of no return. Its not the best method i am aware but it works for us. DP was supposed to have a vasectomy but he hasnt booked it and i wont push for it. I have explained i dont want to be put in the position of an abortion or a baby we dont truly want but im not in a position to demand he has one. I would never accept him demanding what contraception i have to use and he should have the same.

Why on earth have sex with someone who cares so little for your wellbeing?

As you say, hormonal contraception has real side effects and risks, including cancer risk,...why does he feel entitled to impose those health effects on you

Your "partner" doesn't love you and you deserve much better Sex should stop straightaway.

I also had a very bad reaction to the Pill.

However, we both did not want me to get pregnant and it was both our responsbility for that not to happen.

He didn't like wearing condoms. But when I came off the pill he did, because otherwise it was no condom, no sex. Then he booked in for the snip. I could not stay on the pill any longer as it was causing such horrible side effects for me.
He understood that my health came before his ' not wanting to wear condoms' hangup and although he was worried about the snip, it was all totally fine and so much better than me suffering everyday just so we could have sex.

If he won't wear a condom or get the snip, then don't have sex with him.

If he thinks putting having sex comes before your health, then honestly I'd be seriously thinking of walking away from this one.

@SoupDragon

He's probably right to be wary of "natural" methods like tracking your fertility but to then refuse to use condoms is just stupid and selfish.

@SoupDragon When used correctly, natural fertility awareness is just as effective as the artificial hormones and other foreign body products women use. A woman is only fertile for a few days in her cycle yet it's become so normalised for women to do all these artifical methods and take on the associated side effects, which breeds a horrible sense of entitlement in men.

Op, the best contraception for you personally right now is to dump this fucker

I'm glad only one or two people have suggested the copper coil here. The point is that you do not want to do anything that affects your body and the coil absolutely counts because for all that everyone loves to talk about how it had no side effects etc, at the end of the day, it involves you sticking something artificial inside you and why the bloody hell should you have to do that because he doesn't like the ease and simplicity of a condom!?!

This guy doesn't sound like a keeper OP. Based on comments from others here I assume you've had negative experiences with him before?

My mum suggestion I use this method years ago

An aspirin.

Hold it between your knees

I don't think her getting the coil is the solution. She is happy to use apps to track her period. He is not happy with this, which I totally get and I agree with him. However, he is not willing to do anyhting to avoid pregnancy. Unless he has an allergy for all types of condoms, then there is no excuse for him to use them.

I'd sit him down and discuss the condom vs natural family planning thing and see if he can explain why he won't use condoms. I would also leave the research on alternatives up to him.

No glove, no love, simple.

@MarshmallowAra

Isnt there a non hormonal coil. Don't know how reliable it is though.

But with his attitude ..

He's very very selfish. Especially since there are very thin, high sensation etc condoms.

There is - but it carries the caveat that it can cause some women absolutely brutal periods and has risks like ectopic pregnancy and perforation of the womb lining.

Plus, some dickheads men reckon they don't like the sensation of touching the threads during sex.

He doesn't like condoms? Best get himself a set of fluffy socks, then. Or just fuck off.

@harknesswitch

Oh my, why would you want to have sex with someone who has so little respect for you?? Couldn't think of much more off-putting or unattractive! Him complaining about not getting to ejaculate in your person should make your fanny slam shut.

He wears a condom or no sex. Relying on 'natural' methods is probably not a good idea unless you are ok with having a surprise baby with this prick.