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Original poster

Partner not happy with birth control method

85 replies

mummy412 · 01/04/2021 13:42

I've posted on here before about my desire to do fertility awareness as I've completely come off hormonal contraception due to side-effects.

However my partner has made it clear he doesn't feel comfortable with it and started asking me what I would do if if I was to get pregnant.

Neither of us wants a child in the next five years but I definitely do not want to get on any hormonal contraception

I've paid £250 for the Daysy and I have different apps I'm using to track my cycles

however last night he said he doesn't feel comfortable with it so I suggested he either get the snip or use condoms every time and he said no.

This is really bugging me as I think he just has a complete lack of care about my health and well-being. I responded really badly to both pills to the point where I was actually getting depressed and I've been on the implant before and it caused bleeding constantly I looked into the other methods and I really don't like the sound of them.

OP posts:

category12 · 01/04/2021 17:20

If he's not comfortable, he needs to take responsibility for contraception by using condoms.

SandyY2K · 01/04/2021 17:25

You've made perfectly reasonable alternative suggestion. It's up to him to decide which of those to go with or he can abstain.

murbblurb · 01/04/2021 17:27

While the fuckwitted post at the top regarding the pill is false information,like everything in life it has risks and you do not have to take it ,- especially as it really doesn't suit you. The only way an iPhone is reliable contraception is if you hold it between your knees.

Condoms, someone gets sterilised or don't play hide the sausage. Biological facts. If neither of you want to do real contraception (which is fine) then no sex. That's biology for you and he needs to realise that.

Grumblesigh · 01/04/2021 17:32

Let's focus on you (because he is a selfish arse and you will likely dump him before long). The NHS website has a handy list of contraceptive methods and their effectiveness as typically used - because no one is perfect. Natural family planning methods are the least effective, at 76%. Condoms come in at 81%. Neither is great, but used together your odds are better.

If you are now off hormonal birth control but do not want a baby for at least 5 years, you need a partner who is an adult happy to use condoms, for your own health and wellbeing, to avoid STDs and an unwanted pregnancy.

wusbanker · 01/04/2021 17:34

you've chosen a form of contraception you are happy with. If he isn't happy he is free to add in his own

That's really all there is to it.

fairynick · 01/04/2021 17:35

I think he’s within his rights to not accept this method of contraception, but he has to offer or accept some sort of alternative- which he isn’t.
I can’t recommend the copper coil enough, no hormones has been really freeing for me, but tbh if I was you I’d not be wanting to get it out of spite

ChronicallyCurious · 01/04/2021 17:37

If he won’t use condoms or agree to that then he doesn’t get to have sex does he. He doesn’t get a say in what you put into your body.

I suggested I might come off the pill and do tracking to my DP and he instantly said ‘do what you want but I don’t trust that so I’ll get condoms too’. I ended up going on the copper coil which has been life changing for me.

May17th · 01/04/2021 17:38

Your suggestion about the snip was that a comment in the heat of the moment OP?

I think your both being selfish. Mainly you OP because if you fall pregnant what would you do? I’m with your BF when he asks you that I think he could wear a condom but long term I can see how someone doesn’t want to do this.

I have no idea what the app is your using btw.

Bottom line is if you fall pregnant it lands on the woman’s toes not the man!!

ParadiseIsland · 01/04/2021 17:54

@May17th

Your suggestion about the snip was that a comment in the heat of the moment OP?

I have no idea what the app is your using btw.

Bottom line is if you fall pregnant it lands on the woman’s toes not the man!!

So a woman should be happy to make herself ill just because her partner can’t be bothered to use a condom? Did you read that taking the PIL is making the OP ill aka constant bleeding or depression?

Mind boggle really

ParadiseIsland · 01/04/2021 17:55

Sorry the PILL, not PIL.....

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/04/2021 18:04

I suggested he either get the snip or use condoms every time and he said no.

He's said no to sex with contraception then. So unless you and him both want a baby, together, sex is off the table.

Mate, he sounds like an absolute wanker. Do you really want to be with someone like that for the rest of your life?!

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 01/04/2021 18:06

@May17th

Your suggestion about the snip was that a comment in the heat of the moment OP?

I have no idea what the app is your using btw.

Bottom line is if you fall pregnant it lands on the woman’s toes not the man!!

He's being a selfish twat if he's a problem with taking an active roll in long term contraception. Because if he also then tries to dictate a method OP isn't happy with - yes an unplanned pregnancy absolutely affects her more. As could hormone contraception - frankly he's not worth it.

May17th · 01/04/2021 18:07

@ParadiseIsland I've been on the implant before and it caused bleeding constantly I looked into the other methods and I really don't like the sound of them.

Yes I read OPs. I also noticed that they both agreed that they wouldn’t want a baby within the next 5 years. I didn’t say her partner should not wear a condom. What I said was long term I could see how someone would not want to do that (in simple terms for you).
Forever.

Is every other contraception making OP poorly? Or did she say she doesn’t like the sound

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 01/04/2021 18:08

Role not roll

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/04/2021 18:08

Just read your other threads OP.

I cannot fathom any possible reason to be with this man.

You need to plan a way to live independently, he's a selfish prick and a bully on top of that.

You can't live happily or healthily in that atmosphere.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 01/04/2021 18:08

Ahhhh. Poor men eh? Having to wear a condom

mm40 · 01/04/2021 18:15

From a man’s perspective he needs to have the snip or bag it. And certainly not moan about it.

Colourmeclear · 01/04/2021 18:18

What's his reasoning behind saying no to condoms? If it's because it doesn't feel the same then there are different positions and thinner condoms to try but it does sound like he thinks contraception and pregnancy are your problems and nothing should impact on his pleasure. Not much you can do to fix entitlement, sadly.

ParadiseIsland · 01/04/2021 18:42

[quote May17th]**@ParadiseIsland* I've been on the implant before and it caused bleeding constantly I looked into the other methods and I really don't like the sound of them.*

Is every other contraception making OP poorly? Or did she say she doesn’t like the sound [/quote]
Just here in the OP....

I responded really badly to both pills to the point where I was actually getting depressed

You are basically saying that condoms are so awful that long term it’s ok to ask someone to use medication that makes them unwell instead....

ParadiseIsland · 01/04/2021 18:42

@mm40

From a man’s perspective he needs to have the snip or bag it. And certainly not moan about it.

That’s not going to work if they want to try for a baby in 5 years time though....

alwayslucky · 01/04/2021 18:59

No problem at all. A vasectomy should be easy enough to arrange. In the meantime, there are plenty of ways for the two of you to amuse one another without penetration. (With emergency condoms nearby, of course, just in case you both have an urgent change of mind.)

Christmasjoy · 01/04/2021 19:06

Every person I know that used the tracking as contraception has ended up pregnant because ovulation is not set in stone so you should think about what you would do if an accident happened.

He should though be willing to wear a condom and not expect you to be on strong hormones for years at time.

May17th · 01/04/2021 19:06

OP doesn’t have to have sex she can also refuse. @ParadiseIsland that is not what I said. I said I can see from the his point of view even as a woman I wouldn’t want to use a condom with my long term partner forever.

Can OP not try the injection or the coil? I also think her method is risky. You have touched on the points that suit your own narrative.

YoniAndGuy · 01/04/2021 19:27

Wow, what an absolute creep!

Whining and pressuring you to go on hormonal contraception even if it makes you ill, just so he doesn't have to wear a condom?

BLEURGH.

Bin him, he's a skank.

AnyFucker · 01/04/2021 19:34

A search of op’s previous posts tells it’s own story

Op needs to bin him, full stop. Pissing around with natural contraception is not the issue here. Ending up pregnant again by this man would be an actual fucking disaster.

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