Just broke up because he turned the hob down

[wusbanker]

Ex and I have been together for a year and a half, the past 3 months very on/off. I was at his house tonight cooking us a lasagne and had just turned on the hob to heat the oil and began chopping garlic, he walked in and turned the heat down.

Something inside me just snapped. I had been dithering for months about whether it was worth working through but I cannot be with someone like this. Tonight I was firm, I meant it, I have had enough.

I never drove us anywhere because he would be giving me instructions even though I have asked him so many times to just be quiet and let me drive and we'd end up fighting. He couldn't be in the kitchen when I was cooking because he would either start messing with things or tell me I was doing something wrong. It drove me up the wall.

As I was walking out he was asking "you can't be serious - are you seeing someone else?" but no, it is literally just this, I can't live my life this way. I just needed to write this down somewhere.

It's not the hob though.

It's him constantly behaving as though you're an idiot, not capable of making decisions for yourself. Feeling undervalued and like your person thinks you're a child or a simpleton.

Good on you, don't look back.

That would annoy me too. It's the fact that he doesn't even treat you as if you're capable of frying some garlic & onions without his assistance, on this occasion. And it's continuous. Like you're incapable of simple tasks without his intervention.

No one likes to be micromanaged least of all by their own partner.

Ah. A spoony fucker.

Someone who feels the need to interfere in everything you are doing under the guise of 'helping'.

You don't need help. You did the right thing.

The smallest of things can be the final straw. Good for you.

I'm married to someone who does this. It chips away at my wellbeing. You made the right decision.

Sounds like this decision was long in the making, now you have finally reached Stop I bet there is a degree of relief. Thank goodness you have freed yourself from living under a microscope.

Good for you

Don’t doubt your instincts
Good for you

@RealisticSketch

Sounds like this decision was long in the making, now you have finally reached Stop I bet there is a degree of relief. Thank goodness you have freed yourself from living under a microscope.

You're absolutely right. Like I said, we have been off and on for a few months but this time I don't feel any doubt, only relief. I just had to reach that point I think.

Thank you for your kind messages ZigZaggyZoo I'm sorry that you're experiencing this

Good choice. Well done.

My DH is like this. We finally realised a year ago that he has ASD and genuinely doesn't recognise boundaries or personal space. He gives unsolicited advice (frequently) and needs me to be very clear and direct with him as he doesn't pick up on hints. We've been married for 20 years and wish we'd understood autism years ago as it could have saved a lot of unnecessary stress. I'd recommend reading up on the subject to see if it could be applicable in your DP's case (and possibly yours too as like often attracts like).

Something that helped us was a kitchen phrases list I made (and stuck on a cupboard so he couldn't miss it) - it didn't just apply to cooking but to all his interfering and taking over. He just wanted to be helpful, and appreciated being shown how he could help without me getting cross and walking out on him.

Good luck OP.

Apologies, just reread and realised he's an Ex.

I am married to someone like this. It chips away at you and erode"s confidence.
Good move!

Thank God you don't live together, makes things a lot easier.

Is he also my ex??

You won't look back, btw 🏆

My ex was like this. He corrected me on preparing garlic once in front of others and really embarrassed me. When we sat down to dinner, if he had cooked, he kept praising it as we ate. When I did, he didn't say anything, never complimented it. Like you, when I was driving, he couldn't keep quiet, constantly on at me to overtake etc. All of these are now on my list of reasons not to contact him again when I'm having a weak moment.

This is why DH isn't allowed in the kitchen when I'm cooking and vice versa.
Sounds like it was the final straw OP. Be strong.

@NearlyTheHolidays2 thank you for sharing that! That’s actually really helpful in many ways! I love a proactive practical and simple solution.

@sittingonabench We've also had marriage counselling which has been invaluable.

Good for you!

That's the kind of thing that's so hard to bring up because "I never said you did anything wrong! I didn't do anything!"

But it's controlling, and it's a mechanism that primes you to doubt yourself and look to them instead. It's also the kind of thing that tends to escalate. I had a friend in a relationship just like this who left when he started telling her what not to wear because it made him 'uncomfortable.'

So happy you're maintaining your independence and getting out!

Gosh, that resonates with me a bit. If I put a smallish pan on one of the big rings (just coz it's easier or my preferred ring on the cooker), my DH (soon to be ex I may add) will come and move it to a smaller ring as he says it's wasting heat. I get pissed off but at the same time he has a point. Who's right?

@HulaChick

Gosh, that resonates with me a bit. If I put a smallish pan on one of the big rings (just coz it's easier or my preferred ring on the cooker), my DH (soon to be ex I may add) will come and move it to a smaller ring as he says it's wasting heat. I get pissed off but at the same time he has a point. Who's right?

Jesus he’s being pathetic, whoever is cooking can decide which pan and ring to use it’s not up for discussion