Just broke up because he turned the hob down

[wusbanker]

Ex and I have been together for a year and a half, the past 3 months very on/off. I was at his house tonight cooking us a lasagne and had just turned on the hob to heat the oil and began chopping garlic, he walked in and turned the heat down.

Something inside me just snapped. I had been dithering for months about whether it was worth working through but I cannot be with someone like this. Tonight I was firm, I meant it, I have had enough.

I never drove us anywhere because he would be giving me instructions even though I have asked him so many times to just be quiet and let me drive and we'd end up fighting. He couldn't be in the kitchen when I was cooking because he would either start messing with things or tell me I was doing something wrong. It drove me up the wall.

As I was walking out he was asking "you can't be serious - are you seeing someone else?" but no, it is literally just this, I can't live my life this way. I just needed to write this down somewhere.

@NearlyTheHolidays2

My DH is like this. We finally realised a year ago that he has ASD and genuinely doesn't recognise boundaries or personal space. He gives unsolicited advice (frequently) and needs me to be very clear and direct with him as he doesn't pick up on hints. We've been married for 20 years and wish we'd understood autism years ago as it could have saved a lot of unnecessary stress. I'd recommend reading up on the subject to see if it could be applicable in your DP's case (and possibly yours too as like often attracts like).

Something that helped us was a kitchen phrases list I made (and stuck on a cupboard so he couldn't miss it) - it didn't just apply to cooking but to all his interfering and taking over. He just wanted to be helpful, and appreciated being shown how he could help without me getting cross and walking out on him.

Good luck OP.

Love this.

I have adhd & can be guilty of some of the less good phrases there.

Will show my DH. Thank you.

My DH is a chef. Sometimes he comes into the kitchen when I am cooking, he tries to tell me i am doing it “wrong” and I tell him to “fuck off, I am cooking not him!”

He recently tried to tell me I cook cottage pie in the wrong kind of dish (I use a casserole dish, he thinks I should use a wider, shallower tray - and pipe the fucking mash too!) . I point out that I am English, he is not so why does he think he knows better than me how to cook an English dish.

I don’t interfere when he cooks and i will not allow him to interfere when I am. You were right not to put up with this,

So today I made cottage pie and I thought I would try it in a flat dish. He came in and told me I had used the wrong flat dish! I should have used the “new” oven tray. I pointed out that the new tray was bigger than the I had selected, and deeper.

I told him I don’t need his help to choose a dish to cook and if he has anymore comments he can do it himself

Had this last night with my DH (don’t worry folks I pull him up on it)

So if I’m cooking, I do it all, cook and serve. If he’s cooking (rare) I have to help him because he can’t multi-task. So he asked me to serve up the pasta bake while he cut the garlic bread. He’d piled all the plates up so I spread them out on the counter - he had a go at me for spreading the plates out. I handed him the serving spoon and walked out of the kitchen. HIs micro-managing me is a bone of contention but I don’t let him get away with it.

I said later, “if you ask me to serve up, then I will do it my way, your way is not the only way”

I think we’re getting on each other’s nerves because he’s been working from home since last March and my work is closed because of lockdown.

Anyway, OP you did the right thing - you didn’t break up just because of turning the gas down, it’s death by a thousand paper cuts

I left my first husband after he had a go at me for using the wrong ring on the hob. I just snapped and told him I wanted a divorce. He looked at me all confused as he genuinely thought I wanted to divorce him over a hob ring.

My ex was very much like this. Hated driving with him as a passenger, he'd constantly tell me what to do. He even reached over and pushed the horn once, I let rip.

He couldn't cook, coulld barely manage baked potato or sausagge and mash, yet felt it ok to tell me how to cook, and yes, turning down the heat when you needed a high heat.

So glad I'm not with hiim, and glad for you that you dumped your ex.

Oh, and when I left, I also got the accusation that I must be seeing someone else, because of course it couldn't be him and his behaviour being the reason I left, could it?