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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just broke up because he turned the hob down

81 replies

wusbanker · 30/03/2021 20:46

Ex and I have been together for a year and a half, the past 3 months very on/off. I was at his house tonight cooking us a lasagne and had just turned on the hob to heat the oil and began chopping garlic, he walked in and turned the heat down.

Something inside me just snapped. I had been dithering for months about whether it was worth working through but I cannot be with someone like this. Tonight I was firm, I meant it, I have had enough.

I never drove us anywhere because he would be giving me instructions even though I have asked him so many times to just be quiet and let me drive and we'd end up fighting. He couldn't be in the kitchen when I was cooking because he would either start messing with things or tell me I was doing something wrong. It drove me up the wall.

As I was walking out he was asking "you can't be serious - are you seeing someone else?" but no, it is literally just this, I can't live my life this way. I just needed to write this down somewhere.

OP posts:
iloverock · 02/04/2021 08:22

You've reminded me about my ex H. He used to do this all the time. Tell me what to do. I'm not a fucking child I know.
God I'd forgotten how irritating he was

Wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 02/04/2021 08:24

Good for you OP. Flowers

Immunetypegoblin · 02/04/2021 08:27

It's not about the lasagne. You did right OP!

ChaToilLeam · 02/04/2021 08:31

Good for you OP!

Liverbird77 · 02/04/2021 08:33

Yes @HulaChick my husband says this too. He also constantly turns down the gas or criticizes my choice of pans. I absolutely hate it.
He also fiddles with the temp on the oven...the other day he turned it down and the stuff didn't cook properly. He also stirs food without being asked. I hate it so much.

minou123 · 02/04/2021 08:38

I know exactly what you mean.

If you asked my Ex, he would tell you I broke up with him over a packet of biscuits.

But what he will fail to mention is the years of undermining everything I did.
▪︎ Driving - he didn't know how to drive, but would freely give criticism on my driving.
▪︎changing a light bulb - refused to do it himself, but spent 1 hour telling me all the different ways I had changed the bulb wrong
▪︎ money - refused to work, he didn't have 2 pennies to rub together, but more than happy to spend mine. Also told me that I didn't have a "proper" job and I just swan around the office.

The list is endless.

I had a packet of biscuits I was looking forward to eating. I asked him, because I knew what he was like, not to eat all of them.
He ate the lot.

Pleaseaddcaffine · 02/04/2021 08:43

My exh did this. Utter prick.
He went further and use dto piston social media how bad I was at things like cleaning as if it was a joke.
I knew it was bad as my boss one day called me in and asked if I was okay at home as she was concerned it was abuse. Mortifying.

Chickychickydodah · 02/04/2021 08:43

My ex was like this, he would even go upstairs and turn the taps off if I was running a bath . In the end I told him to F off and walked out . He followed me and badgered me for a week at my parents saying I was being pathetic and unreasonable. Final final straw was when he said I should do as I’m told ! 😡😡.
A few of my biker friends paid him a visit and he never bothered me again after that .

AaSaat · 02/04/2021 08:47

@HulaChick That's an easy question - you are right. I could never be married to someone so mean and who actively looks for things to pick you up on

Unsuremover · 02/04/2021 08:49

I ended a relationship when I was eating my tea, odd time cause shift work and he came in and asked if I was going to put my dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I had loaded the dishwasher every day for a million days before that and I was still eating. Thankfully we didn’t live together so I was able to gather my stuff and leave. He was certain there was something else going on too, but nope he just made one helpful comment too many.

Catsaremybesties · 02/04/2021 09:20

My husband is like this with everything.
Nags and moans on me nonstop, I mean literally nonstop.
It drives me crazy. Absolutely.

Catsaremybesties · 02/04/2021 09:23

I always eat my dinner slowly. He comes in and says finish your dinner and wash the plates as the water in sinks it’s getting cold.
I have to stop eating my dinner- Chuck the rest and put the plate into sink where I have to immediately wash it otherwise it will get cold and I’m not allowed to use new hot water. He is crazy. Loner I met online.

TroysMammy · 02/04/2021 09:27

I must admit I've turned the hob down only because he thinks he can multi task cooking, playing games on his tablet and watching the tv at the same time. I prefer my food not burnt or another saucepan ruined.

barbrahunter · 02/04/2021 09:28

This thread reminds me so much of my abusive father. He wouldn't actually do anything to help, but would follow my mother round the kitchen, interfering and criticising what she was doing. This was just one aspect of his dickish behaviour. I really wish she hadn't stayed with him.

barbrahunter · 02/04/2021 09:30

And good call, OP

Babdoc · 02/04/2021 09:34

Catsaremybesties, have you considered the word NO? Or leaving the twat?
Please tell me you are not so beaten into submission that you literally go without half your dinner to obey this shitty abuser?

iloveautumn3 · 02/04/2021 09:38

@NearlyTheHolidays2 brilliant I love your list I'm going to use it.

Mrbob · 02/04/2021 09:40

@Catsaremybesties

I always eat my dinner slowly. He comes in and says finish your dinner and wash the plates as the water in sinks it’s getting cold. I have to stop eating my dinner- Chuck the rest and put the plate into sink where I have to immediately wash it otherwise it will get cold and I’m not allowed to use new hot water. He is crazy. Loner I met online.
No you don’t have to. You can leave
CloudFormations · 02/04/2021 09:42

A spoony fucker! You’re well rid.

CloudFormations · 02/04/2021 09:43

@Catsaremybesties

I always eat my dinner slowly. He comes in and says finish your dinner and wash the plates as the water in sinks it’s getting cold. I have to stop eating my dinner- Chuck the rest and put the plate into sink where I have to immediately wash it otherwise it will get cold and I’m not allowed to use new hot water. He is crazy. Loner I met online.
Why are you agreeing to this? Why wouldn’t you just leave this cunt?!
jamaisjedors · 02/04/2021 09:48

My exH was like this.

I'd be washing up and he'd come in and turn the hot tap down to a trickle. Angry

Total control freak.

You did the right thing. As others have said, it chips away at you long-term and they always think they are "right" and that they are being "helpful".

IME that means underneath they secretly (consciously or unconsiously) feel superior to you.

SecondRow · 02/04/2021 09:48

@Catsaremybesties that's a bad situation you're in. Not allowed to eat your dinner or run the hot tap? Do you have any friends or family near you who you can talk to in real life?

ErniesGhostlyGoldTops · 02/04/2021 09:54

Spoony fucker deluxe right there. I left one. The relief! It was like coming out of jail.

Clymene · 02/04/2021 09:58

What does spoony fucker mean?

Glad you've dumped him.

B0wl0fCrabS0up · 02/04/2021 10:03

High five Grin

Sounds like you made the right decision

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