Would you pursue a serious relationship

[polishfoal]

With a man who left his wife when their baby was six months ?
They were incompatible and had many problems financially . She is in an established relationship for years now and they are amicable .
He has been an active and attentive father, paying maintenance every week since his birth seeing him
Eow/ evenings and holidays .
He also has other children from a fwb situation many years before where he also maintains regular contact with his children and pays maintenance each week . Both in uni now .
Not sure why this doesn't sit right with me but I am a traditionalist . Is it me?

He has other children from a FWB as well?

Has he never heard of using a rubber?

I know !!

He has contact and has supported them. Relationships dont always work out, even with children involved

Yeah, I would if we liked each other. You don't stay in a relationship you're unhappy in just because your child is a baby.

Fwb?

Yes a lady he had a fwb situation with friends for a few years .
They were never in a relationship .

I wouldn't be particularly interested in a man with several children from different mothers, especially multiple children from casual FWB arrangements.

Sorry what is fwb

Friends with benefits?

@polishfoal

Yes a lady he had a fwb situation with friends for a few years . They were never in a relationship .

How many children did he have with a woman he was never in a relationship with?? Seriously though I wouldn't judge someone for ending a relationship as long as they stayed in contact with the child and pulled their weight practically and financially

@Boho7 friends with benefits

Children from one FWB or several?

@RoseMartha thank you !

His relationship ending but having amicable co-parenting wouldn't bother me, but it would depend whether he has a child (singular) from his FWB arrangement or children (plural).

Given they're now at university a lot of time has passed, but I'd feel wary of a man who seems quite willing to have children and walk away because I doubt he's done 50/50 on most things over the years.

Leaving a relationship that wasn't working even if they had a child wouldn't bother me if he was a good dad, but having multiple children with a fwb really would,and I'm generally pretty open minded I think.

Ugh!

1 I very much doubt you have proof he has paid maintenance every week and been an involved and engaged father

2 his attitude to sexual health would put me right off aside from everything else! I have had plenty of casual things but i ALWAYS practice safer sex and he clearly doesn't give a shit about this - which also means he has no regard for the sexual health of his partners

It'd be a big fat NO from me!

No. Too much baggage.

He had two children with the lady he had fwb with. One straight after the other .
He then married years later and had a baby with his wife .

I wouldn’t judge on two children (who are now adults) with one woman and another child many years later with a spouse, relationships don’t always work out so if he has maintained good contact and financially provided I don’t think it’s an issue. I would hate to think a future partner would judge me for having two relationships many years apart which produced the adult child and two teenagers I have.
I would judge entirely differently if he had three or four children with three or four women over a short time span as that suggests he’s one of those men who likes to love bomb, impregnate and run.

I’ll be honest - for me, someone who leaves a relationship with a small baby is more or less telling you outright that he a) makes poor choices and has poor judgment, because deciding to have a baby when you presumably already know you’re incompatible with your partner is idiotic and b) isn’t very good at sticking around when the going is tough and is likely to put himself first if he were ever in a similar situation again.

I don’t think people should be “traditional” and stick in relationships which aren’t making them happy, but that doesn’t mean I don’t make inferences.

I would think he was a bit of a player. Just my opinion. Ok he split with his wife when their baby was young, but there's also the other stuff too.

People don't tennd to have contraception fails that result in pregnancy twice with a FWB. So he's either not telling you the full story or she was more into him IDK. It makes him sound feckless, irresponsible, and seedy.

Amicable co parenting with his wife . Great relationship with his child.
Bad relationship with his ex fwb but children involved hugely in his life all the way through. And yes maintenance and regular contact with all three .
Good, Healthy relationships with his children.

I just read the multiple children were with a woman he was never in a serious relationship with, that puts a different spin on it and I would be concerned with his judgement and his attitude towards his sexual health and responsibilities so with that information it would be a no from me.

@polishfoal

Yes a lady he had a fwb situation with friends for a few years . They were never in a relationship .

Why did he have children (plural) with a woman he wasn't in a relationship with? Did she want to be in a relationship with him?

I know a 'couple' where they have 2 children but yet he refuses to make it official and has his relationship status as 'single' on his social media. She is obsessed with him and while of course she has to take responsibility for her choices too, I can't help but judge him very harshly for continuing to have babies with a woman who he knows is mad about him and not even having the decency to make the relationship official.

A few years and children together is a relationship!! refusing to label it as that probably just gave him permission to go and do whatever he wanted.

She did want a relationship with him. He didn't ... the lady he had a fwb situation with.that was 20 years ago .