Would you pursue a serious relationship

[polishfoal]

With a man who left his wife when their baby was six months ?
They were incompatible and had many problems financially . She is in an established relationship for years now and they are amicable .
He has been an active and attentive father, paying maintenance every week since his birth seeing him
Eow/ evenings and holidays .
He also has other children from a fwb situation many years before where he also maintains regular contact with his children and pays maintenance each week . Both in uni now .
Not sure why this doesn't sit right with me but I am a traditionalist . Is it me?

Why did he keep having sex with her?

• why did he keep having unprotevted sex with her?

I'm not invested so that's why I am considering all replies and opinions . I only have factual information.
His exw and he get on well
And their child is number one in both of their lives , not to mention his two other children with whom he has a good relationship .

I can't answer that @Palavah . They met when out socialising in their early twenties. She wanted a relationship , he considered it for the sake of the children but didn't love her . His words .

That makes it worse, he knew she wanted a relationship, he didn’t want that yet he continued having unprotected sex with her.

Yes that's true @Pviolet

@polishfoal I think it depends what you want in relationship? Do you want DCs of your own?

Absolutely not @Itlod1982 . We are both in our mid forties and neither of us want any more children.

No, it doesn't ring true at all. It looks to me like he bails as soon as he is required to have responsibility for anything. i would be a star shaped dot on the horizon.

@ComtesseDeSpair I had a 10 year relationship (7 years married) and left my exH when my DD was a baby.
I found out he had been having an affair for over a year, starting when I was pregnant, so it's a bit harsh to judge everyone who leaves a relationship when there's a baby involved for not hanging around or sticking it out!

I'd probably feel I didn't want to be with a man who would leave his wife & 6 month old baby - I wouldn't feel there was any security of knowing he'd stick around if something happened to me (like I got cancer or became disabled). Which is possibly harsh as it might have been his wife wanting him to leave. But it would depend on a lot of things and if his relationships with his ex wife & all his children were good I wouldn't automatically discount it if I didn't want children with him

Sounds like you're asking re other people?

@polishfoal

Absolutely not *@Itlod1982* . We are both in our mid forties and neither of us want any more children.

@polishfoal I'd be less bothered by it then. The fwb situation seems like it was over 20'years ago when he was young and daft but he's done the right thing by the kids and has a good relationship.

Years later he married someone else and had a baby and it didn't work out but they're amicable (he can't be a complete dick or have treated her badly) and again he has a good relationship with his DC.

I think the good relationship he has with all DCs plus the fact he's amicable with his ExW actually suggests he's a decent guy

All I know is that they were desperately unhappy , they were caught in the recession, he was working three jobs and she refused to go back to work as she wanted to be a sahm. She always wanted to be a sahm . Her words . And wasn't willing to leave this much wanted and much loved baby but didn't want to sacrifice foreign holidays , stylish car and designer clothes.
All I have is factual
Information . I'm trying to tell it exactly as is the truth as I know it .

All I have is factual
Information . I'm trying to tell it exactly as is the truth as I know it .

The truth as you know it might not be in any way factual!

The truth as I know it is from his exw aswell

All I have is factual Information . I'm trying to tell it exactly as is the truth as I know it .

The truth as you know it, from whom?
How do you know it's factual?

You're friends with the ex?

I'm doing my best to keep
Emotion out of this to get some honest opinions . I have his words and his exw words and after that his family's ( which I would always take with a grain of salt )

I wouldnt say I'm
Friends with the ex but I have come
To know her well.

There are several red flags here.

The biggest ones are irresponsibility and problems with committing.His attitude also seems to be "it's my way or the high way" when it comes to relationships.

He has 3 kids he's only ever been a part time dad to;£50 a week and playing Disney dad doesn't make him parent of the year or indeed "a good dad".It's these women who have done all the grunt work.

I'd personally find this a turn off.It's not worth the hassle.

Also I don't know how much he paid/pays in maintenance;£50 a week is just an example as it could be more or less

@polishfoal I wouldn't say you're being a traditionalist, you're just rightly thinking is this too much "baggage" to take on and is be worth it? As sometime with baggage I completely understand why you'd have these doubts, you just have to go with your gut.

Of course he is not parent of the year. I accept that. He is not perfect by a long chalk ... but should I dump him ?
I'm a tough cookie myself and would not commit to anything less than I wanted , especially if children are involved .
I would get rid of him in a shot if I felt his past would Determine my future . I was interested in your thoughts and opinions .
I have no interest on letting any man destroy me or my lovely family . If he doesn't add , he's gone . So far , he is all in and interested in the future . As am I. But not at any expense .

He pays 90 per week per child and will
Continue to do so until they are finished college. He also pays half medical / dental/ uni fees / other education fees .
I would love to be in receipt of that for my own children. .

Wouldn't bother me op.
My friend left his wife when their baby was 4 months old but has been very present and hands on all the way through - fact is he wasn't happy in his marriage.
Better to leave than be stuck in an unhappy relationship.