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Online dating app suggestions please.

137 replies

Muuuuuummm · 26/03/2021 19:37

Hello, I have never tried online dating before but I have a friend who isnt having much luck on Tinder. I wonder if another one might be better. She is in her early fifties but seems younger. Could you give me some recommendations. Shes looking for a relationship not a fling. Thank you x

OP posts:
coronaway · 26/03/2021 23:22

I would avoid at all costs.

Happycat1212 · 26/03/2021 23:40

Bumble? Hinge? I don’t know I think they are all the same really though as heard all the same men are on all of them

Muuuuuummm · 27/03/2021 09:11

Thanks, I'm really tempted to download one just to see what they are like. I can imagine getting lost in a rabbit hole trying to find my friend a nice man.

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 27/03/2021 09:34

Okcupid was much more respectful than Tinder.

Hinge and bumble are good but it really depends on area.

toucancancan · 27/03/2021 09:34

Bumble - definitely a better quality of man on there as women have to make the first move so standards seem a bit higher. I would say to her don't expect to meet someone right away, and depending on where you are in the world and the lockdown situation, and lack of opportunity to meet up in real life there is less decent catches at the moment.

Muuuuuummm · 27/03/2021 11:58

Thank you.

OP posts:
GothamGirl1970 · 27/03/2021 12:07

None. It’s a crazy meat market where mostly your profile never gets a look and it’s all based on your photos. It’s incredibly damaging to self esteem in my opinion. Even unattractive sub mediocre men feel they deserve a sexy super model at least 10 years younger.

If you have any hobbies maybe the site meetup or a local park run (where you can walk or cycle)?

GothamGirl1970 · 27/03/2021 12:10

Also I tried Bumble for a few months and the only 3 that originally seemed decent were all married!

VivaVegas · 27/03/2021 12:20

I would try Match, I've been on quite a few dates from there with all what seemed decent blokes, just mostly not for me.
Had a 6 month relationship from there pre pandemic and have been seeing someone I met on there for 4 months.

I'm a similar age to your friend.

Lampan · 27/03/2021 12:26

Bumble is terrible in my area (big city). All the same faces as Tinder and a few extra who like Bumble cos they can’t be arsed to make the first move. I’ve never understood why women having to send the first message is a good thing, especially on an app where you both have to ‘like’ each other first. Just attracts lazy men who still have the option of replying with a dick pick if that’s their thing.

Nihonko · 27/03/2021 12:30

@Lampan

Bumble is terrible in my area (big city). All the same faces as Tinder and a few extra who like Bumble cos they can’t be arsed to make the first move. I’ve never understood why women having to send the first message is a good thing, especially on an app where you both have to ‘like’ each other first. Just attracts lazy men who still have the option of replying with a dick pick if that’s their thing.
On the flip side, my male friends complain that most women they match with on bumble, start the conversation off with exactly what we women find boring on other apps:

"Hi, how are you?"

Grin
Muuuuuummm · 27/03/2021 20:56

Thank you for your input. I will pass it all on x

OP posts:
Eckhart · 27/03/2021 21:29

Dating apps are where you meet people who don't meet people by having an interesting life.

People with interesting lives who do stuff and get involved with stuff and attend stuff meet enough people, and don't have to prioritise 'Find a partner' as a hobby.

I'd encourage her to develop her single life, if she has time on her hands (which she must, if she's got time for a new partner) Do a class or join a club pertaining to something she's passionate about. Join ten! She will meet other people who are passionate about the same thing, and at some point, one of them will be single and interesting to/interested in her.

Dating apps are all wrong in their focus.

VanGoghsDog · 27/03/2021 21:50

How can anyone be "passionate" about ten things?

Eckhart · 27/03/2021 23:34

@VanGoghsDog

How can anyone be "passionate" about ten things?
First prize in the 'Missing the Point' contest for tonight Smile
Eckhart · 27/03/2021 23:36

@VanGoghsDog

How can anyone be "passionate" about ten things?
Although if you're wanting to be pedantic, she could just be passionate about 5 things and join 2 clubs for each. Or be passionate about 2 things and joins 5 clubs each. Or... oh, you probably get the idea...

I am passionate about 6 things. I've never counted before. How many things are you passionate about?

eatsleepread · 28/03/2021 08:01

Some utter nonsense on this thread, no doubt spouted by those who've never done a day of online dating in their lives.

LondonMummer · 28/03/2021 08:11

@Eckhart

Dating apps are where you meet people who don't meet people by having an interesting life.

People with interesting lives who do stuff and get involved with stuff and attend stuff meet enough people, and don't have to prioritise 'Find a partner' as a hobby.

I'd encourage her to develop her single life, if she has time on her hands (which she must, if she's got time for a new partner) Do a class or join a club pertaining to something she's passionate about. Join ten! She will meet other people who are passionate about the same thing, and at some point, one of them will be single and interesting to/interested in her.

Dating apps are all wrong in their focus.

What an idiotic statement. My husband and I have been married for 12 amazing years and met via online dating. And would you believe we both have rich and fulfilling lives with lots of interests and hobbies.

In our case it was a Jewish dating site as we are both Jewish and wanted to meet someone else who was. We would never have met if it wasn't for OLD.

And as for all these great social opportunities to meet people socially right now...err you know, Covid??

SortingItOut · 28/03/2021 08:14

@Eckhart Thats a judgemental post.
I have a very interesting but varied life, members of many groups and organisations and never met anyone I fancy yet.

Going on dating sites is not a hobby, its just a way to meet people, unless people spens all day every day doing it then its just normal behaviour - no different to flicking through mumsnet of an evening.

The only thing I agree with is that the OPs friend should develop her single life first.

Everyone should love their own life and then when they find a man he should enhance her life and not be her life.

Shayelle2009 · 28/03/2021 08:21

Eckhart 😂🙄🤦🏻‍♀️ .... ahh the things people out with.....

Lovelydiscusfish · 28/03/2021 08:26

I thought OLD was great. I only used Tinder and only did it for a very brief time, as I quickly met the lovely guy I am now with on their. But during the time I chatted to lots of nice blokes, all of whom has a range of interests and things to say for themselves.....

I think the received wisdom is that if you are looking for a long term relationship you go on the paid apps. I found an LTR on Tinder, but to be fair it started with us both looking for something casual, but then when we met each other we accidentally fell in love.....

A lot of couples I know met on Guardian Soulmates - does that still exist?

VanGoghsDog · 28/03/2021 11:16

@Eckhart

Do a class or join a club pertaining to something she's passionate about. Join ten! She will meet other people who are passionate about the same thing,

Which "point" did I miss, oh wise one?

VanGoghsDog · 28/03/2021 11:25

So, you somehow think its practical for someone to join ten clubs? Either about different things of about one thing?

I'm in two walking clubs, that's hard enough to manage.

Also, right now, most clubs can't operate. Walking is back on next week but only in groups of six. I've just looked and it's all women on my next walk, except the walk leader who I know reasonably well and definitely don't fancy.

"Join clubs" is what smug marrieds say to single people.

In response to the OP - the dating apps are just bits of software, so it's best to choose the one whose platform and functionality suit you best. You'll pretty much find all the same men on all the apps anyway.

Some work by "matching" (Bumble, Tinder) and you can't chat until you match. Others have a more open messaging system (POF, Match - I think) which is where you get bombarded with idiots and find you have a full mailbox all the time. I prefer the former type. I've never used Tinder though.

She'll need to steel herself, it can be pretty soul destroying if you take it too seriously. I tend to view it as a way to meet and chat to people. Nothing is real until you've had the first meet up with someone.

VanGoghsDog · 28/03/2021 11:26

A lot of couples I know met on Guardian Soulmates - does that still exist?

Yeah, online now. Great if you want to meet a sandal wearing vegan.

seensome · 28/03/2021 11:33

Men that go OLD are the same men in real life, they are not a different species. Keep am open mind to meeting someone online or in 'real life' pros and cons to both ways, you may not find a single man that you happen to have mutual attraction to, through a hobby or friends, it's a bit of luck.

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