Page 4 | Online dating app suggestions please.

Muuuuuummm · 2021-03-26T19:37:47+00:00

Hello, I have never tried online dating before but I have a friend who isnt having much luck on Tinder. I wonder if another one might be better. She is in her early fifties but seems younger. Could you give me some recommendations. Shes looking for a relationship not a fling. Thank you x

RosieGuacamosie · 28/03/2021 17:54

Can't really be bothered to argue anymore with a bunch of people who seem to think that dating apps are a pool of well adjusted individuals with happy fulfilled lives, seeking healthy relationships.

I’ve been on mumsnet for years and if you read any dating thread you will find that’s definitely not what the majority of people think! People are just pointing out there can be some good men on there, and I am quite frankly sick of women being billed as desperate or lacking for doing OLD when it’s perfectly normal to want a partner and in the past year there have been limited options to meet someone.

BestOption · 28/03/2021 18:02

@Eckhart

It was judgmental, but it wasn't nasty or rude, *@BestOption* but obviously you're entitled to your opinion.

Perhaps you took it personally.

People who focus on their passions haven't got time for dating apps. People whose passion is dating apps won't make good partners.

Lots of interests & hobbies are not conducive to meeting single men

Don't focus on those ones if you want to meet a single man. Bit like 'Don't go to a sewing group if you want to play basketball'.

Lots of women have children & can't afford a lot of babysitting to join clubs

But they can afford babysitting when they go on dates, though? Presumably they're not expecting to meet the man of their dreams by going on one date, so they'd assume they'd be dating quite regularly? Or are they taking their kids on dates with them, is that what you mean?

It was rude It was nasty

I'm not single & I'm not using dating sites, so no, I didn't take it personally. I read it as the nasty, rude post it was. Accusing single women (mostly on here Mums) of being boring & having boring lives.

If people's 'passions' are not the sort of thing that attracts single men, WTAF should they take up hobbies they have no interest in with the sole purpose of meeting men?

Apart from being rude & nasty , you're also being patronising.

And stop with the utter nonsense. Getting a babysitter to go on a date, is not the same as getting a babysitter several nights a week, every week to go to hobbies.

But thankfully you e decided not to hang around, so don't feel the need to reply.

VanGoghsDog · 28/03/2021 18:03

Can't really be bothered to argue anymore with a bunch of people who seem to think that dating apps are a pool of well adjusted individuals with happy fulfilled lives, seeking healthy relationships.

Well, no-one has said that, have they? So, a strawman, you're just arguing with yourself.

Some people on apps are well adjusted, some are not. And I've met some right nutters doing my hobbies, so it's not a given that everyone you meet in real life is well adjusted either.

You've neglected to tell us all your dating app experiences and which you prefer (in answer to the actual question), so do enlighten us.

Fireflygal · 28/03/2021 18:16

Eckhart, the op asked for recommendations of sites. Given you have no experience of sites then you won't have knowledge.

You have been rude about those who use sites and given your lack of experience of dating sites then your posts are based on ignorance and that's never a good look.

Zig27 · 28/03/2021 18:30

See for yourself, what works for one person may not work for another. In time you will know what is the right site. Meet people during your life too when things start to open back up.

GaraMedouar · 28/03/2021 18:44

OP - I’m early fifties and recently joined Tinder and Bumble - a lot more on Tinder, and every man on Bumble pretty much is also on Tinder. I’ve had some nice phone chats and one walking date. Not met anyone as yet that I’d start seeing but I’m ever hopeful.

I am a single working mum , so not much free time and have hobbies two nights a week but they are not where I could meet a man.

In four years the only people I met were other mums on the school run, and I have female friends - just no way of meeting a man except for OLD.
Which is probably the same for lots of people nowadays .

Afishcalledwonderful · 28/03/2021 19:00

I've been online on and off for a couple of years and have had some good (and bad) dates including a 5 month relationship. I like the concept of Bumble as you make the first move and I've not encountered any sex pests on there! I also like the phone call facility in the app so you don't even have to swap numbers. I rejoined at Christmas as a 50 year old and I am convinced you get a lot less matches than you do in your 40s but I'm not going lie about my age. Like a PP said, I too am a single parent doing school runs and working from from in between so I just don't get to see anyone. And what with the mask situation and distancing it's even harder! I didn't like pof or Match at all but that was just my experience; others have had good ones. I say go for Bumble and Tinder. For me, I'm looking forward to getting together with all my mates this summer and having fun and who knows, I may meet a decent chap that way - I live in hope!

Afishcalledwonderful · 28/03/2021 19:03

*working from home that was meant to say

Lovelydiscusfish · 29/03/2021 07:44

Highly scientific survey here - I have 8 close friends (spread of male and female, straight and gay). All in our late 30s/early 40s. Two are single, one met her partner at the gym, one through a mutual friend, four met their partners through dating apps.

It’s just not realistic to say they don’t work, or that you can’t meet nice people on there.

Obviously it’s not for everyone, fine. But the idea that going on them is some kind of sign of an empty life I don’t really get......

Almost everyone I know has done OLD at some point, unless they met their partner quite young and stayed with them.

Eckhart · 29/03/2021 09:12

It’s just not realistic to say they don’t work, or that you can’t meet nice people on there

Obviously it’s not for everyone, fine. But the idea that going on them is some kind of sign of an empty life I don’t really get

It's not that you can't meet decent people on apps, or that everybody on them has an empty life. It's just a high proportion of people like that compared to the people you meet who are actually out doing something interesting with their life when you meet them. It stands to reason. If you want to meet someone who stares at their phone/computer all day, meet them via a means that involves staring at a phone/computer. If you want to meet somebody who's into archeology, say, then meet people at a dig. If you want to meet people who love table tennis, meet people at a table tennis club.

Afishcalledwonderful · 29/03/2021 12:58

@Eckhart I understand what you are saying but some of us have ties and responsibilities which prevent us from being out doing all these hobbies. I don't lead a boring and uninteresting life by any means, nor do I spend all day glued to my phone on dating apps desperately waiting for a match. I'm 50, I'm a single parent to DS6, I work from home, I've just lost my Mum so my Dad is quite a prominent part of my life atm so it's not so easy for me to meet someone, but I would still like to! I have lots of interests that I would like to share. I just think of the dating apps as an 'add on' to my usual (pre-Covid!) social life; it's not the sole means of my interactions with the outside world.

Eckhart · 29/03/2021 13:01

@Afishcalledwonderful

As I said

It's not that you can't meet decent people on apps, or that everybody on them has an empty life

I didn't say that people in your position don't use them.

TheJackieWeaver · 29/03/2021 13:31

@Eckhart - have you been around for 2020/2021? Meeting through a hobby / ‘at a dig’ simply isn’t possible at the moment. Should single people have just put their lives on hold for a year?

IrenetheQuaint · 29/03/2021 13:38

Gosh, I have lots of lovely and interesting friends who met their lovely and interesting partners on OLD! Most of them on Guardian Soulmates, though, which has now closed down - does anyone know any similar sites, in terms of attracting a lot of members who are interesting and articulate?

Sillyduckseverywhere · 29/03/2021 13:45

@Eckhart

Dating apps are where you meet people who don't meet people by having an interesting life.

People with interesting lives who do stuff and get involved with stuff and attend stuff meet enough people, and don't have to prioritise 'Find a partner' as a hobby.

I'd encourage her to develop her single life, if she has time on her hands (which she must, if she's got time for a new partner) Do a class or join a club pertaining to something she's passionate about. Join ten! She will meet other people who are passionate about the same thing, and at some point, one of them will be single and interesting to/interested in her.

Dating apps are all wrong in their focus.

That's almost as ridiculous as my mum telling me "you might meet someone nice in Waitrose!"

The reality is that dating apps are mostly how it's done now.

You must develop a thick skin, first and foremost.
Then treat it like a hobby. I met a chap I spent 8 years with on match and my current relationship (18 months) on bumble.
I'm a very sociable person with hobbies that keep me busy (pre covid) and didn't meet anyone that way.
Times have changed. Not for the better, but you have to embrace it.

Sillyduckseverywhere · 29/03/2021 13:56

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Eckhart · 29/03/2021 14:24

@Sillyduckseverywhere

You're mistaken. I've never called anybody a sad wanker. 'Pretty much' or otherwise. Get your facts straight. This is the first time I've posted about dating apps.

@TheJackieWeaver

Should single people have just put their lives on hold for a year

In terms of dating in person, yes, for most of it. There's nothing wrong with whiling away the lockdown hours chatting to strangers online, but that's what they are until they meet. Strangers online.

Sillyduckseverywhere · 29/03/2021 14:29

I'm not mistaken. I think it was another incarnation for me, but it was pretty much word for word what you've posted here.

So, have you ever used dating apps?

Eckhart · 29/03/2021 14:41

@Sillyduckseverywhere

I'm not mistaken. I think it was another incarnation for me, but it was pretty much word for word what you've posted here.

So, have you ever used dating apps?

I don't care who you think I've said it to! Stop cross-thread slating me.

Have you not worked out from the thread that I'm not an advocate of dating apps? It doesn't really matter if I've used them or not. I'm not comparing them. I'm talking about them conceptually.

People on this thread seem to think that they're full of healthy, happy, outgoing, fulfilled people. Whilst there will be some people like that on them, there will be a much higher proportion of people who are socially inept, spend all their time stuck to their computers, and don't have many interests. It's just common sense. It makes more sense to fish in cleaner waters.

Milomonster · 29/03/2021 14:48

@IrenetheQuaint I really miss Guardian - it’s the only app I met genuinely decent blokes. As a single working mum, Bumble and Tinder haven’t worked for me.

TheJackieWeaver · 29/03/2021 15:00

There's nothing wrong with whiling away the lockdown hours chatting to strangers online, but that's what they are until they meet. Strangers online.

Well, exactly. Then you meet, and you’re not strangers, and you decide if you want to date or not

As for your suggestion that we put our lives on hold, it just shows how out of touch with single people you are. This isn’t really the thread for you, is it?

TheJackieWeaver · 29/03/2021 15:03

People on this thread seem to think that they're full of healthy, happy, outgoing, fulfilled people. Whilst there will be some people like that on them, there will be a much higher proportion of people who are socially inept, spend all their time stuck to their computers, and don't have many interests. It's just common sense. It makes more sense to fish in cleaner waters.

Literally no one on here has said dating apps are “full of healthy, happy, outgoing, fulfilled people”. That’s the whole point of the thread! But there are some very good people on the apps, and no other way to meet people at the moment. It seems very odd to be so judgmental of something you clearly have no experience of.

Sillyduckseverywhere · 29/03/2021 15:13

We live in a digital world now.

There will be a much higher proportion of people who are socially inept, spend all their time stuck to their computers, and don't have many interests. It's just common sense

Much like mumsnet?

You need to open your eyes more.
This really is cringingly judgemental.

Eckhart · 29/03/2021 15:14

@TheJackieWeaver

You have no idea if I'm single or not, so why you think you're qualified to comment on how much I'm 'in touch' with single people I've no idea. Clearly you're not actually Jackie Weaver.

This isn’t really the thread for you, is it

Thank you for your opinion. I disagree. If somebody says 'which x would you recommend', I think 'I wouldn't recommend any x, I don't think xs are very good' is a viable answer. If you don't, well... so what? If you and two or three others don't like what I'm saying, that doesn't mean I shouldn't be saying it. Unless you're in charge?

bangheadhere40 · 29/03/2021 15:22

There is a whole range of people on dating apps - as there is in real life. They are real people that log on there after all. They are just normal people who want to meet a partner...and nowadays it's an efficient way to do this as we are all there for the same reason.

In terms of apps I would suggest tinder out of them all for ease of use.