Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Online dating dilemma

86 replies

adagiok5 · 25/03/2021 14:27

I am a very active 62 year old with a young looking outlook. I have had to dip my toe back into online dating again due to a relationship break up two years ago . After meeting several men ( socially distanced ) I thought I had found a really nice man. However after 3 months he still has a profile on a dating site . I have asked him about this but he says he is just waiting for his subscription to run out . I too had a subscription but suspended my profile ( maybe that’s just me ) I am also aware that he still checks the site everyday . I only know this due to unsuspending my profile and looking at his . The crunch of the matter came last night when we had a lovely evening ( he is now in my bubble ) . He messaged me when he got home to say how he always enjoys his evenings with me. A few minutes later I checked out his profile on the dating site and he was online . This doesn’t seem right to me . What do others think? He has been very attentive buying me flowers and has even booked and paid for us to go to a concert in August . But I am feeling very uneasy

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 25/03/2021 14:34

I think he's keeping his options open which might be fine if he mentioned it to you.

Unfortunately I think dating sites encourage this mindset as it's so easy to think "is there someone better?" Dating sites are designed to keep you hooked as they will continue to earn money with more subscribers.

Ask him when he thinks you are exclusive and agree to delete all apps. For now I would assume he isn't being exclusive.

Wanderlusto · 25/03/2021 14:35

It's not very genuine, is it.

By now I would have expected to have the 'in a relationship' talk. But there's not even been a 'let's not see other people's convo... or rather, you attempted to broach it but he shot it down with some rubbish about waiting for his subscription to run out.

Unfortunately, he is still looking elsewhere on the off chance something better comes along. At best. At worst, he is still actively dating other people.

I think you should trust your gut on this unfortunately and sack him off.

You could attempt the chat again but tbh you already made it clear what you wanted so the ball is in his court. And I don't think he intends to play the same game you do...

Marineboy67 · 25/03/2021 14:47

It definitely seems like he's keeping his options open. If he were committed to you and want to work towards building a relationship and a future with you he would suspend his account.

seensome · 25/03/2021 14:48

He's not being honest with you, I would put your profile back up.

Original poster
adagiok5 · 25/03/2021 15:24

Hi everybody thank you for your sound advice . You always live in hope that at my age people would stop playing silly games . I met one man last year (when we could meet up) who tried to assault me and he was 68 . I think I give up

OP posts:
Wanderlusto · 25/03/2021 15:39

Well...at least he's a step up from the creepy guy xD

Tbf op I think if I was in my 60s I'd focus on friends and pets (and maybe the odd toy boy) anyway. Because...well do you really want to end up having to run around after some old fart for the rest of your days?

I mean I get the nice idea of having someone to grow old with...but I think a wee doggy would actually be a better idea lol.

Original poster
adagiok5 · 25/03/2021 15:41

@Wanderlusto

Well...at least he's a step up from the creepy guy xD

Tbf op I think if I was in my 60s I'd focus on friends and pets (and maybe the odd toy boy) anyway. Because...well do you really want to end up having to run around after some old fart for the rest of your days?

I mean I get the nice idea of having someone to grow old with...but I think a wee doggy would actually be a better idea lol.

Thank you @Wanderlusto for your honesty I might just do that
OP posts:
Lochmorlich · 25/03/2021 15:44

@Wanderlusto how old are you?
You have a very outdated view of someone in their 60's.
We're not all knitting and watching Rosemary and Thyme repeats on the tv!

OP I think you maybe need to be more direct and tell him that if he is still looking for other women then its best you part now before you're too involved.

seensome · 25/03/2021 15:45

I think it would be a bit sad to give up, you deserve love at any age.

Wanderlusto · 25/03/2021 15:49

[quote Lochmorlich]@Wanderlusto how old are you?
You have a very outdated view of someone in their 60's.
We're not all knitting and watching Rosemary and Thyme repeats on the tv!

OP I think you maybe need to be more direct and tell him that if he is still looking for other women then its best you part now before you're too involved.[/quote]
I'm not really talking about women in their 60s. I'm talking about not wanting to have to run after men in their 60s.

Just sounds like setting yourself up to be a carer tbh.

OldEvilOwl · 25/03/2021 15:52

Call him out on it and see what he says

Wanderlusto · 25/03/2021 15:53

Basically that the only problem with being a 60+ year old women = dating 60+ year old men xD

Lochmorlich · 25/03/2021 15:54

@Wanderlusto ha ha.
I think older men are more set in their ways than women. My dh is a real technophobe, he just gets too impatient.

pog100 · 25/03/2021 16:07

Rather sexist and ageist, this thread huh?

Journeynotdestination · 25/03/2021 16:16

Don’t give up and get a dog OP! How horribly ageist some posters are being!

Just have a conversation with him about it - ask him if he wants to be exclusive. If not then you know where you stand. If he says yes then tell him he must delete his OLD account!

Wanderlusto · 25/03/2021 16:19

@pog100

Rather sexist and ageist, this thread huh?
Not really. It's just fact that women often end up running around after men. And having to do that in youth is shitty enough without having to waste your later years on it.
Original poster
adagiok5 · 25/03/2021 16:21

@Journeynotdestination

Don’t give up and get a dog OP! How horribly ageist some posters are being!

Just have a conversation with him about it - ask him if he wants to be exclusive. If not then you know where you stand. If he says yes then tell him he must delete his OLD account!

@Journeynotdestination Lol thank you . I have a dog anyway but was looking for something more than that . I will have that conversation
OP posts:
Roszie · 25/03/2021 16:36

I would ask him outright.

sunnyzweibrucken · 25/03/2021 18:20

Geez, so someone in their 60s doesn't deserve love and companionship? In many Eastern countries older people are revered for their wisdom and experience but in western society older people are seen as washed up and useless like they should just be happy to be alive but not enjoy life like younger people. That really baffles me.

Anyway OP i think he likes you well enough bu he's keeping his options open. You can enjoy him and let it run it's course, or keep your options open as well.

Original poster
adagiok5 · 25/03/2021 20:54

@sunnyzweibrucken thank you

OP posts:
litterbird · 25/03/2021 21:00

Hi OP I am in my mid to late 50s and have amazing women friends around me who are in their 60s, sexy and sizzling! He is just doing what everyone should do on OLD, keep dating and chatting until you have the chat and you become exclusive. I hope you are going to start chatting to other men again and start looking at more dates whilst your new beau realises how amazing you are! Keep going and have a lot of fun whilst doing it.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 25/03/2021 21:05

@Wanderlusto

Well...at least he's a step up from the creepy guy xD

Tbf op I think if I was in my 60s I'd focus on friends and pets (and maybe the odd toy boy) anyway. Because...well do you really want to end up having to run around after some old fart for the rest of your days?

I mean I get the nice idea of having someone to grow old with...but I think a wee doggy would actually be a better idea lol.

Wanderlusto..Presumably you are quite a bit younger, if your lack of tact is anything to go by....

OP, there are some good ones to be had, even for us 'oldies'. I'm a similar age, and I found one. Grin

WiseOwlOne · 25/03/2021 21:08

Sounds like he likes your company but still has an eye out. He wants to be the one with options but has encouraged you to stop looking.
What a turn off.

Original poster
adagiok5 · 25/03/2021 21:24

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants
That’s good to hear that you found someone

OP posts:
Original poster
adagiok5 · 25/03/2021 21:27

An update . He has been messaging me on WhatsApp this evening whilst being active on the dating site . What a creep

OP posts: