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Original poster

Online dating dilemma

86 replies

adagiok5 · 25/03/2021 14:27

I am a very active 62 year old with a young looking outlook. I have had to dip my toe back into online dating again due to a relationship break up two years ago . After meeting several men ( socially distanced ) I thought I had found a really nice man. However after 3 months he still has a profile on a dating site . I have asked him about this but he says he is just waiting for his subscription to run out . I too had a subscription but suspended my profile ( maybe that’s just me ) I am also aware that he still checks the site everyday . I only know this due to unsuspending my profile and looking at his . The crunch of the matter came last night when we had a lovely evening ( he is now in my bubble ) . He messaged me when he got home to say how he always enjoys his evenings with me. A few minutes later I checked out his profile on the dating site and he was online . This doesn’t seem right to me . What do others think? He has been very attentive buying me flowers and has even booked and paid for us to go to a concert in August . But I am feeling very uneasy

OP posts:
Original poster
adagiok5 · 29/03/2021 11:31

Well, I have had numerous texts from him saying how heartbroken he is . He also says he has had a terrible weekend thinking about it. I have played very cool I have decided that I will see him face to face on Wednesday to talk things through . Family and friends say I am an idiot .

OP posts:
Lovedove · 29/03/2021 11:54

What for talking to him? It’s hard isn’t it. I’ve quite mistrustful by nature so would see what he did as a red flag. However, it’s worth talking about how he saw your relationship, did he think you were doing the same thing, why was he keeping his options open? Why didn’t he have the exclusive chat with you if you were so amazing to him? Lots of questions. If nothing else it will help you get closure

Original poster
adagiok5 · 29/03/2021 12:02

@Lovedove

Thanks for your concern. Yes I definitely see red flags I have been extremely let down by a cheater in a previous relationship . I have been playing it very cool . I will keep you posted

OP posts:
Lovedove · 29/03/2021 12:06

Good luck x

PussGirl · 29/03/2021 12:06

Fine to met him I think - a good chance to set some ground rules if you decide he gets one more chance.

Eckhart · 29/03/2021 12:06

Do you think that sending you flowers and apologies means that he wasn't making you uneasy, then?

They seem unrelated to me. He thought for an extended period that it was acceptable to be dating you and maintaining a dating app profile. The fact that he has bought you flowers and said some words doesn't change the fact that the two of you clearly have a different understanding of what is acceptable. You are buying into a 'I will be unfaithful to you and then buy you flowers to make it all better' rhetoric.

Why? Is he the only man? Have you a reason not to look for someone whose behaviour doesn't make you uneasy?

alloverthecarpetagain · 29/03/2021 12:17

I think it's worth giving him a second chance tbh. If you see him in person again it might all be a bit easier rather than looking to see if he is online, messaging to and fro, etc. If you like him and he seems sound otherwise, it's maybe worth a meeting. I don't think you are being an idiot at all as it's relatively rare to find someone you like.

Maybe it depends what you want? Some pp on here seem to be suggesting you are looking for a long term permanent live-in sort of partner, but maybe you aren't. Maybe you are just looking for someone to have fun with and to enjoy life with for a while and see where it goes. But you have to be able to trust him. Best of luck!

Original poster
adagiok5 · 29/03/2021 12:18

@PussGirl

Fine to met him I think - a good chance to set some ground rules if you decide he gets one more chance.
Exactly that’s what I am doing
OP posts:
Original poster
adagiok5 · 29/03/2021 12:20

@alloverthecarpetagain

I think it's worth giving him a second chance tbh. If you see him in person again it might all be a bit easier rather than looking to see if he is online, messaging to and fro, etc. If you like him and he seems sound otherwise, it's maybe worth a meeting. I don't think you are being an idiot at all as it's relatively rare to find someone you like.

Maybe it depends what you want? Some pp on here seem to be suggesting you are looking for a long term permanent live-in sort of partner, but maybe you aren't. Maybe you are just looking for someone to have fun with and to enjoy life with for a while and see where it goes. But you have to be able to trust him. Best of luck!

@alloverthecarpetagain

Your second paragraph has hit the nail on the head

OP posts:
ThatOtherPoster · 29/03/2021 12:39

Well, I have had numerous texts from him saying how heartbroken he is . He also says he has had a terrible weekend thinking about it.

Firstly, this is all about how terrible HE feels. If he were lovely, he’d be way more concerned about how bad he might have made YOU feel.

Secondly, has he even taken his profile down yet??

I wouldn’t meet him. If you meet, you’ll really like him and want to believe him. But there will be other things. He doesn’t like you enough to stop looking for other people. You like HIM enough to stop looking. Therefore no matter how “cool” you’re playing it, you like him more than he likes you, and you both know it.

There are so many men. So very many men.

Roszie · 29/03/2021 18:49

If he felt amazing after your date and was straight on the dating app, what's he going to do if you have a bad one?

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