Photo removed pronto!

[Dorchester]

I was at SIL’s home. She only ever has photos on display that are of her family in all the years I’ve known her. I’ve always had a gut feeling about trust concerning my DH. Too much of a back story to go into and I might be recognised. A photo of a young girl around 6/7 yrs old appeared in pride of place one day. I was staring at it because I could see a strong family resemblance to my DH and my SD. SIL looked agitated when she saw me looking at it but became even more nervous when I said, “Oh, who is that?” BIL immediately looked uneasy as well. SIL said, “Well, mmmm, eh, that’s a daughter of a friend of mine”
“Who?”
“No-one you need to become concerned with!”
The next time we went to visit it was nowhere to be seen.
Am I reading something into this that doesn’t exist? What are your views Mumsnetters?

You think it's your DH's child?

@GreyhoundG1rl
Well, yes, I suppose I do.

How long have you been together ?

If you already have a SD (step daughter) with him, then why would he keep another child secret? Have you been with him 6+ years?

Because of the context background is needed, however if your suspicious anyway, and then this happened then yes, of course this would add more fuel to the fire.....

It’s a weird conclusion to jump to.

Do you think/know that he’s had an affair?

@Reinventinganna
On the face of it yes it is a weird conclusion to jump to but I’ve had reason to mistrust my DH over our 14 yrs together.

It’s a strange reaction from them, but it probably is nothing to worry about.

So he's cheated on you before?

It's quite a leap to reach that conclusion

@Palavah
I don’t have proof that he’s cheated before but plenty reason to think he has. It was a really strange reaction from them. Why would an innocuous question put them on edge like that?

My lying bastard of an ex lied to me about having children. It wasn't until I was finally allowed to go round to his family's houses that the truth started to come out (5/6 years into the relationship). It turned out that he had 3 other children, one of which must have only been 2 years old when he walked out on them and never looked back to be with me!! By this point I was 7 months pregnant with our child. My whole family were under the illusion it was his 1st baby and made such a fuss of him. What a fucking joke that was eh?

Confront him. The sooner the better. Don't let this rumble on like I did with my ex, believing him when I still had suspicions.

@Palavah
Sorry, forgot to add that it was like looking into the face of my SD when she was younger only the hair colour was different. My SD also has a slight facial disability and this girl had it too. My DH has it also.

I think you need to have a word with your DH.

@uhtredsonofuhtred1
They won’t admit to anything during confrontation. Tried that.
I’m nuts apparently for even thinking it. They still can’t tell me who the friend is.

Perhaps the child is connected in a very personal way to her, or her husband.
Think logically here OP.

It is in their house, and they are fussy about who is on their walls.
Wouldn't it make more sense that the child was closely connected to them, rather than that she is your DH's secret love child?

I'm wondering if the mistrust of your husband has really tortured you, and ( in the nicest way), is causing you to see his infidelity everywhere.

@HoneysuckIejasmine
Tried that. No discussion. He doesn’t know who it is he says. End of story he says.

The slight facial disability on all 3 is too much of a coincidence, absolutely

Why can't they tell you who the friend is? Really odd. How old did they look in the photo?

@Somethingkindaoooo
Perhaps you do have a point.

@bamboozer
She looks about 6 or 7 in the photo. Odd that they cut me off and won’t say who the friend is.

How long ago did this happen?

I have to say I have never noticed what photo anyone has in their house, is that odd, how do you know so much about hers? Even if your DH had a secret child why would her photo be prominent in your SILs house? Sounds a bit strange to me

It's a bit of a leap OP - you see a photo of a person who bears somewhat of a resemblance to your DH - in the home of his sister, who he presumably shares DNA with, and you go straight to "HE'S HAD A SECRET LOVE CHILD" rather than thinking it's something to do with your SIL...

I mean... if you were her, and your brother had been shagging around on his current wife and got someone else pregnant, and presumably had been keeping in contact with the child for the last 6-7 years, to the point of having photos of the child which he then gave to you, to display in your home... would you? And then forget to remove the photo when your brother brought his blissfully ignorant wife round for tea? It really doesn't sound likely, and I'm as cynical as they come.

Unless you're going to reveal that your DH works away for significant periods of time, giving him plenty of opportunity to lead a double life?

The relationship with your SIL sounds a little strained - are you normally close? Is there a cultural/language barrier here - the wording she used (if verbatim) doesn't sound like typical British English. (Apologies if you were paraphrasing.)

Bit odd of them to have a picture of your DH’s secret love child on display and then have to remember to take it down if you visit but I am not sure what other explanations would make sense.

I am so surprised that no-one has asked why are you with him. Normally people get the LTB response as the DH left he milk out.
You have so little trust for your DH your 1st thought when you see a photo in your SILs house is he's had another affair, he's got a another child to someone else etc. Why are you still with him. Whether he is innocent or not you have so little trust in this man the relationship seems totally pointless.

I think you should ask yourself if it is a good idea to stay with someone you distrust that much.