Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Photo removed pronto!

86 replies

Dorchester · 22/03/2021 20:50

I was at SIL’s home. She only ever has photos on display that are of her family in all the years I’ve known her. I’ve always had a gut feeling about trust concerning my DH. Too much of a back story to go into and I might be recognised. A photo of a young girl around 6/7 yrs old appeared in pride of place one day. I was staring at it because I could see a strong family resemblance to my DH and my SD. SIL looked agitated when she saw me looking at it but became even more nervous when I said, “Oh, who is that?” BIL immediately looked uneasy as well. SIL said, “Well, mmmm, eh, that’s a daughter of a friend of mine”
“Who?”
“No-one you need to become concerned with!”
The next time we went to visit it was nowhere to be seen.
Am I reading something into this that doesn’t exist? What are your views Mumsnetters?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dorchester · 22/03/2021 22:28

@ThatsNotTheTeaHunty
😳 It happens.

OP posts:
TitusPullo · 22/03/2021 22:28

@GreyhoundG1rl I think cleft palates can be hereditary but there are lots of other factors that cause them and they can just happen.

Original poster
Dorchester · 22/03/2021 22:31

@GreyhoundG1rl
It’s not a cleft palate, something more discreet than that but I can’t say in case it identifies me.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 22/03/2021 22:32

Fair enough.

notturningintopowerranger · 22/03/2021 22:34

I don’t know how you would ever find out Dorchester, unless they tell you.

Instead of worrying about this, I’d be really thinking through the relationship - sounds like you’re not able to have conversations where you can explore this stuff. Even if you have been paranoid and jumped to wrong conclusion, you need to be with someone who you can discuss your feelings with and feel safe to do so.

Original poster
Dorchester · 22/03/2021 22:36

@notturningintopowerranger
I agree.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 22/03/2021 22:38

Well this is very odd. You think your husband has a secret love child who yout sister in law is so close to she displays her picture in her house? And they are all hiding the girl and their relationship with her from you?

Confused
Krazynights34 · 22/03/2021 22:38

OP - is it the two men who are brothers?
If so, they will share a genetic commonality- even if your Brother in law doesn’t have the same facial appearance as you DH - it could be that his child had inherited the gene?
Or am I missing something?
If the SIL is your DH’s sister- likewise.
No idea why they’d be saying it was a friend’s child however.
But surely your BIL wouldn’t hide a love child of your DH...?

Bluntness100 · 22/03/2021 22:46

Op. How old are you, if your sister in law has been married for over 50 years? Is she in her seventies? Are you? How old is your husband?

Original poster
Dorchester · 22/03/2021 22:51

@Bluntness100
No I’m a lot younger than my DH’s sister to the tune of 30 yrs. DH is 23 yrs older than me.

OP posts:
RogueV · 22/03/2021 22:53

Hmmm I think you need to do some fishing!

junebirthdaygirl · 22/03/2021 22:58

Would you Sil's child have a love child that she is ashamed to admit to the family but secretly sees. Maybe that's why she reacted so badly. Given the fact she is much older than you her child having a child outside marriage might be more of an embarrassment to her than to you or me.
The child may have come from a very short relationship and she may feel the whole situation is awkward

dany174 · 22/03/2021 23:01

@junebirthdaygirl

Would you Sil's child have a love child that she is ashamed to admit to the family but secretly sees. Maybe that's why she reacted so badly. Given the fact she is much older than you her child having a child outside marriage might be more of an embarrassment to her than to you or me. The child may have come from a very short relationship and she may feel the whole situation is awkward
This, or even a great grand child. Or the child of a secret step brother/sister your DH does not know about.

All are more likely than putting up a picture of your brothers lovechild his wife knows nothing about.

HollowTalk · 22/03/2021 23:06

Your SIL's been married for 50 years?

I don't know how you could find this out, OP. Do you see bank statements etc at home? Could you see whether payments are going out?

DianaT1969 · 22/03/2021 23:09

While I can totally understand you wanting to know, if you plan to stay with your DH anyway, I'm not sure it will make much difference to your life. Apart from issues over inheritance. If you had money you could hire someone to try to find a birth certificate, but that seems a waste as you say you don't have your own money.

bonfireheart · 22/03/2021 23:17

How old are you OP?

HideousKinky · 22/03/2021 23:23

Did the photo look quite old? Could it possibly be a younger sibling of your SIL & your DH?

hesnearly3 · 23/03/2021 00:10

Following

Longdistance · 23/03/2021 00:23

So, if it is your dhs dd that would mean he cheated in your marriage. If the dc is about say 8yo and you’ve been married 14years. I think I get it?

WisnaeMe · 23/03/2021 00:36

Trust your INSTINCTS OP, always 🌺

Sproutpie · 23/03/2021 00:40

Blatantly following

SnowdaySewday · 23/03/2021 00:41

If DH is significantly older than you, could it be his grandchild?

WisnaeMe · 23/03/2021 01:15

I think it's SIL's ridiculous vague avoidant response that has left you baffled OP .

As I already said trust your instincts. 🌺

Starborn · 23/03/2021 01:53

[quote Dorchester]@Bilquis
I’m still with him because I have no money and no relatives and nowhere to go.[/quote]
Surely this is WAY more important than a random photo, whoever it is?

If this is genuinely the only reason you choose to stay, don't waste your time fannying about on Facebook looking for pictures of your SiL's friends - there are organisations to help women who want to leave their partners and have no money, so start searching online for those instead.

gutful · 23/03/2021 02:10

You could always tell him you're separated, grit your teeth & live in the same house while you get divorced. It would suck but you could do it.

Otherwise, as PPs said, if you're not actually planning on leaving him then what's the point of digging to find out if this is his secret lovechild?

You say you already don't trust him, so if you feel he is capable of this then it's as good as true.