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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

H on IE at our son's birthday treat

84 replies

Bluecoatwoman · 21/03/2021 13:43

Just that. I found out recently that H is on IE.
Our young son had picked a video for us all to watch together as his birthday treat. H spent the whole video on his phone. He's been doing this a lot when we watch videos so I created a basic account on IE so I can check whether he is on IE at those times, and he is.

I don't really give that much of a shit if he finds some poor woman to have unsatisfying sex (from her point of view) with him, but looking for women to shag during his son's birthday do is just grotesque. These video nights are meant to be done together as a family thing. But when our son asks his Dad some question about the film or makes some comment, his Dad is just like, 'whhhaaat?' because he has no idea what is going on. And now I know its because he is prioritising finding a woman to have sex with over sharing something with his son that his son enjoys.
Low, low, low.

Just needed to get that off my chest.

OP posts:
ScaredOfDinosaurs · 21/03/2021 13:51

IE - not familiar with the acronym but it is pretty clear from the context.

Umm... why is he still a H not an Ex?

mummymeister · 21/03/2021 13:53

oh dont worry OP, your son is never going to accidentally see what his dad is watching - oh wait...Why dont you care if he has sex with someone else?

Original poster
Bluecoatwoman · 21/03/2021 13:54

Its a married person's 'dating' site.

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 21/03/2021 13:54

I’m presuming this isn’t Internet Explorer?

crispychicken12 · 21/03/2021 13:55

What's IE

Original poster
Bluecoatwoman · 21/03/2021 13:56

@mummymeister

oh dont worry OP, your son is never going to accidentally see what his dad is watching - oh wait...Why dont you care if he has sex with someone else?
I don't worry his son will see. Just think that he could have waited a couple of hours until his son went to bed, rather than mentally check out of something his son wanted to share with him. And to mentally check out to look for women to have sex with.

I just don't care. I just don't.

OP posts:
Zucker · 21/03/2021 13:56

Your only qualm with this is that he doesn't keep up with the movie's storyline?

Find your anger Bluecoatwoman and make him an EX.

honeylulu · 21/03/2021 13:57

Illicit Encounters

Original poster
Bluecoatwoman · 21/03/2021 14:08

Your only qualm with this is that he doesn't keep up with the movie's storyline?

No, my qualm is that he was meant to be sharing something with his son on his birthday and wasn't. Our son was really excited about us all watching this film together. He always likes us to make comments and have us respond and chat when we are watching films he really likes. Its a sharing family thing. His Dad should have been present. He might as well have not been in the room.

OP posts:
canigooutyet · 21/03/2021 14:11

Why are you still with this cretin?

Everythingiswonderful · 21/03/2021 14:17

He might as well have not been in the room

He might as well not be in the family. LTB

Original poster
Bluecoatwoman · 21/03/2021 14:19

@canigooutyet

Why are you still with this cretin?
Oh here we go. There is nothing so odious that a man does that the a woman can't get the blame landed on her.
OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 21/03/2021 14:20

So... you don't care if he's on the site in the first place?

Why are you not divorcing him? Your anger seems oddly directed.

gonebeyondcaring · 21/03/2021 14:24

So..... he's ok on these websites just not when your having family time? That's a bit odd or is this something you have both agreed to?

LouiseTrees · 21/03/2021 14:27

@Bluecoatwoman

Your only qualm with this is that he doesn't keep up with the movie's storyline?

No, my qualm is that he was meant to be sharing something with his son on his birthday and wasn't. Our son was really excited about us all watching this film together. He always likes us to make comments and have us respond and chat when we are watching films he really likes. Its a sharing family thing. His Dad should have been present. He might as well have not been in the room.

Then you should have pulled him out of the room for a minute and said “ your son wants you to be present in this moment, this is his day, shame on you” all in a calm tone then told him to walk back into the room
Original poster
Bluecoatwoman · 21/03/2021 14:30

@gonebeyondcaring

So..... he's ok on these websites just not when your having family time? That's a bit odd or is this something you have both agreed to?
No, he doesn't know I know. But I don't care really. I just think he should pursue his sex life at times other than those he is supposed to be spending with his children.
OP posts:
Original poster
Bluecoatwoman · 21/03/2021 14:32

Then you should have pulled him out of the room for a minute and said “ your son wants you to be present in this moment, this is his day, shame on you” all in a calm tone then told him to walk back into the room

I did tell him it was video night not messing about on your phone night. But he carried on.

OP posts:
LoudestCat14 · 21/03/2021 14:33

Is divorce not an option? You're with a man who has checked out of family life and surfed for sex during your child's birthday celebration. That's disgusting. You and your DC deserve better.

minchinfin · 21/03/2021 14:36

You should call him out on it and shame him, I would. You can't go on like this though surely?

OldEvilOwl · 21/03/2021 14:36

So you were also online checking that he was online 'the whole time' you were all supposed to be watching a film? why are you still together? doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship

PenisBeakerIsMyFavouriteMuppet · 21/03/2021 14:37

Why don’t you care?

WhySoSensitive · 21/03/2021 14:38

I find this confusing, but surely you would have just said ‘please stop looking for sex and spend time with your son’
If you’re so blasé about him doing it then call it out.

ApolloandDaphne · 21/03/2021 14:40

I'm more confused that you don't seem to care about the fact your DH is looking for hook ups while you are still married to him. The issue with your son would be secondary to that surely?

canigooutyet · 21/03/2021 14:41

I see I touched a nerve. Asking a question isn’t blaming anyone.
It’s a genuine question
He’s clearly no longer attracted to you and hasn’t left to persue this giving you respect you deserve.
And you don’t seem to be bothered.

Unless it’s an open relationship. If so you both need to have another chat about what is or isn’t acceptable.

Is it going on the phone or the site that is the issue? You need to decide and talk to him

Although tbh if I was expected to talk about a film whilst trying to watch the film I’d be opting out as well.

CoffeeRunner · 21/03/2021 14:42

Do you really not care?

What positives are you getting from this relationship? If you're at the point of not caring then wouldn't you & DS be better off without him?