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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

H on IE at our son's birthday treat

84 replies

Bluecoatwoman · 21/03/2021 13:43

Just that. I found out recently that H is on IE.
Our young son had picked a video for us all to watch together as his birthday treat. H spent the whole video on his phone. He's been doing this a lot when we watch videos so I created a basic account on IE so I can check whether he is on IE at those times, and he is.

I don't really give that much of a shit if he finds some poor woman to have unsatisfying sex (from her point of view) with him, but looking for women to shag during his son's birthday do is just grotesque. These video nights are meant to be done together as a family thing. But when our son asks his Dad some question about the film or makes some comment, his Dad is just like, 'whhhaaat?' because he has no idea what is going on. And now I know its because he is prioritising finding a woman to have sex with over sharing something with his son that his son enjoys.
Low, low, low.

Just needed to get that off my chest.

OP posts:
HeartsAndClubs · 21/03/2021 15:15

So you don’t actually care that your husband is shagging other women, just as long as he’s not thinking about shagging them when he’s supposed to be watching some dull kids shite on television. Okayyyy.

TBH I would imagine most single parents look at whatever dating apps they’re on at the same time as the kids are in the room. And in reality this isn’t actually a marriage, and as you say you don’t care what he does, you can’t really be selective as to when he does it.

Mrsmadevans · 21/03/2021 15:17

Is this a reverse?

thebabessavedme · 21/03/2021 15:17

Yes, it was a shit thing to do and as a mother I wouldn't put up with it, I do wonder why you checked up on what dh was looking at though?, what difference does it make what he was logged onto if as you say 'you don't care'? Him checking out of family time is checking out of family time, regardless of what he was looking at.

kwiksavenofrillsusername · 21/03/2021 15:19

I probably would have sent him a message asking ‘how was X movie? Did you enjoy it?’

But yeah, in the long term you need to start thinking about how to get out of this relationship.

RampantIvy · 21/03/2021 15:20

I think it is shit to look for sex with other women during your son's birthday treat

And I, and most other posters on here think it is shit for your husband to look for sex with other women while he is still married and living with you, regardless of what he should be doing at the time.

I think you are being a little naive to think that most people wouldn't question it.

CodMouth · 21/03/2021 15:22

Don’t you feel you and your son deserve better than this?

jessstan2 · 21/03/2021 15:24

Your husband certainly lacks self control, op. Frankly, he's a sleaze-ball.

warmandtoasty2day · 21/03/2021 15:28

for some women any man is better than no man, but in this case we don't have the complete picture, op vented and has now left. she has her reasons why she feels the way she does and obviously doesn't want to share them.

PanamaPattie · 21/03/2021 15:29

What do you hope to achieve by starting this thread?

babbaloushka · 21/03/2021 15:30

@Bluecoatwoman

You're being asked a perfectly logical question!

I have no interest in talking about why I am still married or what my future plans are.

I think it is shit to look for sex with other women during your son's birthday treat. Because it is shit. And that is all I wanted to say. And now I have said it.

It's shit to look for sex with other women while you're married full stop! Unless you've agreed on this, you don't have to just accept it.
WhatMattersMost · 21/03/2021 15:30

[quote Bluecoatwoman]@canigooutyet

You didn't touch a personal nerve. Its a common thing on MN that when a man does something shit someone will come along can call the woman out for dating him/ marrying him/ having sex with him/ having children with him or whatever thus putting the attention on to her rather than his bad behaviour. I am unapologetic about finding this objectionable.[/quote]
You're angry and taking it out on the wrong people, OP.

ViciousJackdaw · 21/03/2021 15:31

You're only staying for the money aren't you?

cakecakecheese · 21/03/2021 15:32

It's not 'blaming' you to ask why you are with someone who acts so terribly, it's pointing out that you deserve better. He absolutely should not be surfing the Internet for sex, especially during family time so obviously that's a very legitimate reason for ending the relationship and it's not unreasonable to ask why you haven't done so. If you don't feel able to for whatever reason then that is very sad as this situation is clearly making you very unhappy.

warmandtoasty2day · 21/03/2021 15:32

i don't believe op is as casual as she makes out about dh's behaviour, i think the birthday business is a red herring.

Soontobe60 · 21/03/2021 15:36

@RJnomore1

I’m presuming this isn’t Internet Explorer?
🤣🤣🤣
canigooutyet · 21/03/2021 15:37

I think this is very recent and still raw for the op. If it helps to process what’s happened the op can direct her anger at me.
Hopefully you do have someone in rl who can give you the emotional support

DavidsSchitt · 21/03/2021 15:38

You say you don't care but you do. The only reason you've got so angry about this is because of the content he was looking at.

It's shit to look at your phone when you're watching a pre-arranged film together. You are only focusing on the fact he was on a sex encounter site which is very telling.

It's not unreasonable for someone to wonder why you would stay with someone who treats his family this way.

grapewine · 21/03/2021 15:41

@HeartsAndClubs

So you don’t actually care that your husband is shagging other women, just as long as he’s not thinking about shagging them when he’s supposed to be watching some dull kids shite on television. Okayyyy.

TBH I would imagine most single parents look at whatever dating apps they’re on at the same time as the kids are in the room. And in reality this isn’t actually a marriage, and as you say you don’t care what he does, you can’t really be selective as to when he does it.

Based on OP's own post I actually agree with this.
grapewine · 21/03/2021 15:41

*posts

WeAllHaveWings · 21/03/2021 15:44

Bluecoatwoman, I think you need to explain your relationship with your H as it is confusing for most people what you are actually asking.

Are you in a mutually agreed open relationship? Or are you no longer intimate, but living together as companions/co-parents for the sake of your child?

Until that is clearer noone can really advise.

FTEngineerM · 21/03/2021 15:52

I’m confused.

You haven’t said that you are in an open relationship.

You have said you are married, which is traditionally a partnership of two people so people will naturally assume that you intend of it remaining that way.

It’s certainly not odd to ask why you’d remain in a relationship with someone who is looking for or having sex with other people. It is unusual. That doesn’t mean I think it’s wrong to have an open relationship just that people aren’t doing anything wrong in asking you about it.

Anyway, yes it’s shitty to search for women to fuck when your kid is sat there wanting your attention. I’m going to sound boring as hell but I just told DP to get off his phone and he was ordering more formula for DC🤭. I’d probably set fire to him if he was searching for women to have sex with.

1forAll74 · 21/03/2021 16:11

Your crummy Husband is probably addicted to tuning into these sex sites things, so will probably ruin any children time or whatever.with always being on his phone., doing whatever he does.

If you don't care about his usage of such things, this is what people don't understand,as there maybe many other times,when he annoys you when on this IE thing, when your children are around.

Nanny0gg · 21/03/2021 16:18

@Bluecoatwoman

You're being asked a perfectly logical question!

I have no interest in talking about why I am still married or what my future plans are.

I think it is shit to look for sex with other women during your son's birthday treat. Because it is shit. And that is all I wanted to say. And now I have said it.

Indeed you have.

Still don't understand what the point of that was.

Maybe we need a Venting topic that doesn't allow responses

butterpuffed · 21/03/2021 16:19

If you don't care , surely it shows in your day to day family life and your son will pick up on it .

Clymene · 21/03/2021 16:21

Your husband has proved he doesn't give a shiny shit about you. I'm not sure why you're surprised he doesn't give a shiny shit about his children either

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