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Original poster

how much do you do for your dp dh?

84 replies

nikcola · 30/10/2004 20:11

i was just wondering well being nosey how much do you all do for your dhs dps like iorning cooking and so on and what do they do ?

OP posts:
childmindersam · 30/10/2004 20:18

well my dh does the washing up and i generally cook, i do the washing and dh tries to! I do DH ironing occasionally but had a deal where he got me flowers in return for ironing and at moment NO FLWERS so no ironing! I keep the house tidy and look after the kids! He is helpful though!

MUST admit though had a disagreement last night as id taken the bedding off to wash and had been on mn so hadnt put any back on bed by time dh had come up. So he did it! when i went to get into bed the sheet was on wrong way and didnt fir the bed and the duvet was a mess and had to start again! told him hed done a bad job so i didnt ask him to do it again!!
Also he has a habit of shoving the kids clothes in any old drawer and i can never find what i want so have now had to put labels on drawers ie pants, tshirts, torusers, school clothes etc!!!!!

Donbean · 30/10/2004 20:19

Well, where to start! I do the ironing.....i like ironing, its my thinking time during ironing.
I very very occassionally cook,rarely though.
I clean the house and change the beds.
I feel like i do enough without feeling "put on" or taken for granted. He does his fair share and will do any thing that i ask him to so we work quite well together. I am part time and he is full time so i dont expect too much from him, as would he if it were the other way round iykwim.
why how much do you do?

Original poster
nikcola · 30/10/2004 20:22

do you work though as well as being a mum i mean !!!

OP posts:
Original poster
nikcola · 30/10/2004 20:22

i do /did hardly anything for him he lives with his mom

OP posts:
zippy539 · 30/10/2004 20:23

I do the majority of childcare, organising kids business, laundry, shopping, cooking (though naturally dh thinks he's a better cook - ). DH puts out the rubbish, deals with bills (badly) and we both share the general housework on a whoever can be bothered basis. I don't think I have ever ironed one of his shirts but that's probably because I only iron roughly once every three or four months because I refuse to buy anything that needs ironing. Can you tell I live in a immaculate house?

JoolsToo · 30/10/2004 20:26

my dh has always helped with housework - I've never let him get away with it! Now the kids have flown the nest - he cooks and irons his own stuff, does the dishes, vacuums - and why not - we both work! (always made my ds's do their own room, and chores too - we're a 21st century family)

Start as you mean to go on - that's my motto

WigWamBam · 30/10/2004 20:28

Dh does all the ironing, hoovering, some of the washing up and knows how to fill the washing machine. He also changes the sheets and stuffs the duvet and puts the rubbish out. He usually baths our dd and does a couple of hours of solo child-care on a Saturday morning so I can have a break. He's a sweetie - although he won't clean the loo

subs · 30/10/2004 20:29

cleaning?
ironing?
cooking?
!!!!

tillykins · 30/10/2004 20:30

I do all the money things and my husband does all the car / DIY things. Other than that, we pretty much share everything; we don't have a rota or a list or anything, we just sort of muddle through and it all gets done somehow. I'm the organiser though, which annoys me sometimes - he'll do anything that I ask him to but I have to ask him, he doesn't seem to notice an overflowing laundry basket or a grubby bathroom, I don't know how he can miss mess and so on, but he does! And I am the one that gets birthday and christmas presents and so on

Donbean · 30/10/2004 20:40

yes i work as well as bieng a mum, only got the one though. When i work, DH has DS for those hours, which are long, when i get home (after 9.30pm) he has usually tidied up, washed up and made me something to eat.
I tell you what he does which i find really really sweet, he makes the bed every morning even though i know for a fact he doesnt see the point in doing because "we only get back into it and mess it up again" but he does it (well) because he knows that i like it done ahhhh bless.

Hulababy · 30/10/2004 20:42

DH sorts out all the finance stuff (I hate it), but I tend to do anything involving the internet - like sorting out insurance, etc. I do virtually all the cooking, but Dh will then clear away, fill and empty dishwasher and put away. I do all the washing, and DH does all the ironing. We share the cleaning although I do the majority, as I am home more. We both look after DD.

taramac · 30/10/2004 20:48

I do pretty much everything. I work 1 night a week and dp works full time and is doing a part time MBA. I am also a bit of a control freak!

I clean, cook, wash, iron, do the school run and pick ups, strip the beds and make them, put all clothes away, deal with all the financial stuff and pay all bills. Dp will cook if I ask him to and he can be bothered - but I usually have to tell him what to cook!, helps clear up the table and usually bathes the 2 ds's.

Sometimes I get fed up but I do like things done my way so beggars cant be choosers!

Skate · 30/10/2004 20:52

I do:

Childcare and everything that goes with it - sorting out things for nursery, sorting out schools, jabs, swimming lessons.....
All the washing, drying, putting away, ironing (dh often does his own shirts though)
All dusting, polishing, tidying, hoovering, cleaning bathroom, floors, kitchen
99% of cooking (though dh will do Sunday lunch and recently has been doing more evening meals)
All finances and household things
Work freelance from home

DH works full time, does a lot of the Tesco shopping (I do some). He also does chores that i give him in his lunchbreak - things I'd have a bit of a nightmare trying to do with the 3 kids under 4 with me - going into the bank to pay cheques in etc, posting things at post office, getting essentials from Boots etc, taking my orders back to Next . Picks up anything we particularly need. I'll also get him to do some calls from work like ringing the Estate Agent or stuff like that.

I'm a SAHM (though do work freelance in evenings and at weekends) so think it's fine I do all these jobs but he will do anything I ask him to do as well.

He's great at helping out and I think we work as quite a good team. I feel lucky as I have friends whose DH's don't do much but then I suppose that's up to them to put their foot down!

Skate · 30/10/2004 20:53

Taramac - are you me??

We are sooo similar - half the reason I do everything is cos I like it done a certain way!! AND dh usually baths ds's when he gets in from work!

yingers74 · 30/10/2004 21:01

I think I do pretty much everything connected to the house, finances, shopping and daughter. Simetimes it drives me mad when I ask him to do something and he acts like he is being asked to do the worst thing ever! Yes I am at home, but all this means is that my work is never finished!

Donbean · 30/10/2004 21:02

me too, i have friends whos DP/DH do nothing at all to help therefor i know that we are a good team.

lulupop · 30/10/2004 21:04

I do pretty much everything but am SAHM. Like Taramac I do like most things done a certain way, though am learning to let DH do it his way from time to time.

I do all housework, cleaning, cooking etc, and always make him packed breakfast and lunch. My friends think this makes me a Stepford Wife but I do it because 1) it's a lot cheaper, healthier and nicer than a sandwich in London, and 2)It fulfuls my outdated notion of what I should do to nurture my man!.

I'd always assumed we were quite traditional in our roles till I realised recently that DH also has no clue about our finances. There;s me assuming he has a handle on it all when in fact he just sets up direct debits etc as though our income is bottomless (it isn't )! So now am trying to teach myself Excel so I can make a monthly spreadsheet.

Don't really mind doing everything but it wld be nice to be appreicated from time to time. Just now I asked DH where something was and he said "It's in the top drawer in our bedroom" I said "Oh, where your pants are?" and do you know what he says? "I didn't know you knew where I kept my pants"!!!! He obviously thinks they wash themselves and jump back into the drawer unaided!

prufrock · 30/10/2004 22:17

lol lulupop - my dh thinks there are fairies in our house who refill his pants drawer!

I do pretty much everything. All the cleaning, cooking, organising, finances.... I do pay somebody to do the ironing, and dh will finish off a preprepared meal in the evenings if I'm feeding ds. But I do have dd in nursery 2 days, so only have to look after ds (6m) those 2 days. And dh comes home at 6.15, and does the childcare and bath - I would rather he did that than loaded the dishwasher. And once the kids ae in bed neither of us do any housework - washing up can wait until the next morning when dd likes to help.

hercules · 30/10/2004 22:22

Is it just me but I really hate the title of the thread. No offence nikcola. It makes it sound like we're servants to care for the men ie what do you do for your dh/dp. I know that's not what you meant though.

I work part time and dh works nights and looks after kids whilst i'm at work as well. We used to do it equally when we both worked days full time but now I do more than him at home. This is because he's always knackered.
That doesnt mean he does nothing though. He does whatever I do but less iyswim just because he has to sleep when I'm at home.

prufrock · 30/10/2004 22:30

You're right hercules. We used to share everything much more when I was working as well. No I do everything at home, but my dh does lots for me too - works 70odd hours a week to earn the money for me to be able to stay at home, and send dd to nursery, takes dd out at weekends to give me a break, and (most of the time) appreciates hugely the work I do at home to make his life easy so he can concentrate on his career. And buys me flowers

serenequeen · 30/10/2004 22:33

prufrock, i'm curious if you don't mind... do you do more because it just makes more practical sense for you to do it or because you feel on an emotional level that by doing more of the housework that is "your side of the bargain" so to speak?

now that i'm on mat leave i do more of the domestics - simply because it's easier for me to do it, i'm around more.

just wondering if people feel they have to do more because they are not earning anything (not saying that is right of course, eek!)... or if their dhs/dps make them feel that way.

hercules · 30/10/2004 22:34

Does anyone feel regardless of whether you are a sahm or not that just because you are a woman it is your role to do the majority or all of the housework?

serenequeen · 30/10/2004 22:35

head says, absolutely not, no way, no how!

heart says, you're failing if you don't manage all this as well.

serenequeen · 30/10/2004 22:36

oh dear, i meant that is how i would feel not how anyone else should feel!

MummyToSteven · 30/10/2004 22:47

i do nearly all the cooking and laundry, baby care/bathing etc. he does most of the cleaning and washing up, and most of the financial stuff. so I think he's pretty helpful really. now he'll get a big head if he sees this thread