how much do you do for your dp dh?

[nikcola]

i was just wondering well being nosey how much do you all do for your dhs dps like iorning cooking and so on and what do they do ?

I do the housework because I see my 2 days when dd is at nursery as days off from my job (which is looking after her - ds doesn't count atm because he's so easy). If I was working I wouldn't (and didn't) do any more than dh, and if i had a toddler full time I wouldn't either. We did look at getting a cleaner, but it was cheaper to put dd in nursery for an extra day, and I do quite like getting everything sparkling (I know I'm strange). On the 3 days dd is here, and weekends, I just keep tidy.
And I do like having a meal and clean house ready for dh when he comes home - even if he has to shove it in the oven. It wierdly fulfils some deep need I have to feed my man - I don't like that I feel like this, and don't like that I am passing on to my dd the idea passed onto me that it is a womans role to look after her husband, but I do actually quite enjoy cooking and cleaning. And when I told dd today taht mummy's job was looking after her and ds she said "no, mummy work on puter"

Didn't really answer did I sq.
Yes I feel that housework is my side of the bargain - but in return for using our money for childcare, not in return for dh working and earning. And dh feels the same. He does know that Wed-Fri my job is a hell of a lot more trying than his.
And on apractical level it makes sense for me to do finances etc whe dd is not here - I remember from my "working" days how difficult it is to fit in phone calls to banks etc.

I asked my dp when was the last time he cleaned the toilet? his reply was "dunno - hey, I did it all the time when you were pregnant!"

My (only) child is now 19mo..... I'm sure he is under the impression that now I am a mummy, albeit fulltime working, I am also his mummy!

I am the only person who cleans the bathroom, either bedroom, or the kitchen. He only cooks when i'm not there, never EVER goes tesco shopping. He moans if I ask him to make a cuppa! I don't do the house work for him, though, I do it for ds; if I didn't clean the floor, ds would eat unsuitable objects

No=one does the ironing in our house.
What needs to be ironed?

Cooking - shared but more me

Food shopping, more me

Lottie cooking, feeding, etc more me

cleaning - cleaner

What's left????

I do everything but i dont iron-i just dont as he is so messy in his cupboard within mins of me putting lovey crisp t-shirts away they are in a heap on the bottome of the cupboard.
I do everything else tho' cooking, cleaning, ds stuff like dressing, tidying toys etc. the only thing I ask dh to do is empty the bin-and we have a row about that each time to!
I dont go out to work.

Prufrock, my DS seems to think I work on the 'puter as well! He's always saying "Mummy get off dat silly puter"

Just found some cheap car insurance though, as well as doing Ocado etc so not sure how I'd manage without it

Message withdrawn

I have a severe housework allergy. I vacuum when DD starts sneezing and the dog has a coughing fit. The bin is emptied once I notice the smell. I wash clothing once a fortnight (wether they need it or not). Dishes are done at the end of each week using industrial pressure washer. Bills get paid when the baliff comes round to remind me.

DH is an angel though, works 65 hours a week and never complains.

DH works full time, I am a SAHM and I run a business from home:
Childcare ... mainly me (DH will look after them without a murmur if I ask him to)
Cooking ... 3/7 me, 4/7 him (but I decide what we are having)
I do all the cooking for the children ...
Organising stuff ... me (ie, what we do at weekends, getting presents for people, xmas, kids' birthday parties, DS's social life and activities like soccer and swimming)
Food Shopping ... He does a big shop once a week, I do bits and pieces (ie what he forgot) during the week
Washing ... if there is washing to be done, whoever is nearest puts the wash on ... I tend to do it most as I am at home most
Ironing ... Him (I think I am allergic to ironing)
Housework ... me ... but only when the situation is desperate. He does it if I ask him to.
Anything blokey like mowing the lawn, diy etc he does and I keep well away as I am a interfering old nag at heart!
Money ... me (he is hopeless at money)

I do everything except earn money .

oxo
you and me too!

A lot. I am the centre of his universe .

Everything....the only thing DH has to do is clean and tinker with the car.....

He does the dishes if he can beat me to the sink......its too painful watching him iron.....it took him 45 minutes to iron a shirt once!

He occasionally has to pop to the shop for me in the evening or go fetch a takeaway when we can afford it, purely cos I can't drive.

He sometimes (very rarerly though) does his sandwhiches for work....again if he can beat me to it. I always do his flask, make his breakfast and get his bag ready for work in the morning.

He is NOT allowed to touch the washing machine cos the last time he did he broke it (left loose change and nails in his pockets)

I am very traditional in the way that I think he goes to work all day, I am at home all day so why should he have to come home and do housework.......he would help more if I let him but I always have it all done before he even gets home so he can't.

Going to be sensible now.

Dh's household jobs are:

Loading and unloading the dishwasher

Putting out the rubbish

He forget's to put out the rubbish which drives me up the wall as we get 2 weeksworth of festering nappies.

His clothes get sent out for ironing. I'm good at burning his shirts as he discovered.

I'd like him to do more, he admits he could, but he does a lot of other things for me which I really appreciate. So, eg, when my last laptop "died" he went out and bought a second hand one that day and spent hours that evening setting it all up for me.

I work outside (well, inside, but at paid - freelance - work with paid childcare IYSWIM) the home four days a week, DP does five.

We pay a cleaner; in between her visits I think I probably do more cleaning the loo etc, and definitely do more tidying; on the other hand, if she can't come, he does the hoovering. He does DIY stuff. Cleaner does the ironing, otherwise we do our own (or rather he does his own and I leave mine till she's next around).

He does the weekly supermarket run. I organise the weekly organic delivery drop. I put up all the notes in the kitchen about what we actually NEED from the supermarket.

We share cooking pretty evenly most of the time. When I met him he couldn't/wouldn't cook. He's pretty OK at it now, although hopeless at working out what to cook out of the veg from the current week's delivery.

He puts the washing in and pulls it out and hangs it up, I sort it and put away mine and the inferiorettes' (this is a long-standing arrangement from when I found myself doing washing every day).

All in all, I think it's pretty evenly balanced. Which is no more than I'd expect, quite honestly.

I work outside the home (but inside like MI) for 3 days per week, dh works for 5 but with very regular overtime so potentially 6 days. I basically run the children so to speak including homework, tidying their rooms, baths, social events, riding, taking to/picking up from school. I do all the cooking, ironing, all shopping that doesn't include supermarket stuff (xmas shopping/bday shopping/housey shopping).

DH's designated duties are: washing up, doing the bins, car related stuff, garden related stuff, generally supermarket shopping (which he does at 6.30 when on nights). Everything else is up to me. We dont have a cleaner/gardener/ etc

I work full time outside the home, dp is a sahd. He does:

All the washing (long standing arrangement as I've said I won't do it so either he does it or we pay someone and I don't care which but I don't want to do it. He chose to do it)
Most of the shopping. I've offered to do some in my lunch hour as there's a huge store near work but he likes doing it
70% of the cooking for our evening meal although I very often do ds's supper when I come in and/or feed the baby
Most of the tidying although I do stuff when I'm here

I do:
About 50% of washing & sterilising baby bottles, dishwasher loading/unloading, making packed lunches, cleaning, cooking, childcare before and after work. He does the rest.

Actually, I will confess something here. I am envious of my male colleagues who have sah partners who do all this stuff for them. My boss (male) and I talked about this the other day and he told me his wife does everything. He gets in at the end of the day, eats and sits down. I get in and work my arse off until 8pm when the children are asleep. I expected the same of dp when he was working so I can't complain really and I do think it's fair enough that I come in and get on with it but it doesn't stop me feeling envious. I have told dp I want a cleaner because I DON'T WANT to spend ANY of my non work time cleaning. He doesn't want to get one but doesn't want to do the cleaning either and I'm sure as hell not about to pick up that slack so we are at stalemate atm (and living in a tip, I will win this one!).

All I expect of him is the work of a nanny - i.e. childcare, as is right and proper. I appreciate that it's a hard job and I certainly don't think he has it any easier than I do. But it is bloody hard (get yer violins out) to come in to myriad domestic chores. I lost it one night in particular when I came in to find that I had to feed the baby (and make it first - pureed veg), cook supper for ds AND cook a meal for us for which dp had laid out ingredients and involved an hour and a halfs cooking and the splitting of cardomom pods ffs. I haven't got time to crush effing cardomom pods. We do eat out about once a week to avoid this and dp hasn't suggested that recipe again.

So he does most of the childcare since he's a sahd but I definitely do my share of everything else. This is no less than I expected from him when he was working but I have to say it's damn hard and I wish we had more domestic help really.

Oh and we don't do ANY ironing. My work suits are dry clean and the tops I wear underneath usually just need hanging up, not ironing.

thanks for that, prufrock. there always seems to be a huge imbalance between what the men and women do (not just for sahms of course) - i just wonder how it comes about, is it a sensible pragmatic split, down to misplaced guilt about not earning or whatever. it's interesting to hear people's views.

www -

when i had a dp we both worked full time and more or less did everything equally. cooking, cleaning, washing. for all the bad things i say about him i have to admit that he has never been lazy or chained me to the kitchen sink! in fact he was probably a lot tidier than i was then! although i admit that i absolutely refuse to do anyones ironing for them (except the kids of course)..i just cannot stand ironing.

I work 2 days a week Dh works 5.
I do cokking on most nights, DH does all the ironing. Although I do all the washing. We probably do 50/50 on the housework although he would probably say he did more. (and he's probably right).
He does own sarnies for work etc etc, and when I work he does mine as well.

When I had ds and we made the descion that I would be a SAHM, we talked about it a lot.

Dh told me that basically I was to treat it like a job and never feel like I have to do all of the house stuff just because I am at home during the day. My job is to look after ds.

So we split all other things 50/50. I am glad that dh has been true to his word and we muck in together. For instance I tend to do the washing, dh does the ironing. I do the shopping and quite a lot of the cleaning and cooking during the week, but dh does it at weekends.

I do everything related to the house and kids. and i mean everything.
dh does the finances, and is basically always working. never at home before eight at night, on the days he isnt staying over at work. on weekends is also busy with his various work related things.
i make sure there is some dinner for him to eat when he is home, simply because it makes life less stressful. but basically am single mum, with someone paying the bills.
eg, ds1 cant do football becaus dh refuses to look after 1 year old dd for an hour on saturday morning, because he has 'work to do' ds2 does no activities as cant fit it all in. dd spends most of her life in the car, the pushchair, or with her brothers, whilst mom gets on with housework etc, as dh never there in person to help out.
i dont iron his shirts though!
before we had kids, were very 21st century couple. now very 14th century! still, dh pays the bills so i can be a sahm