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Original poster

How can I say NO to wife refurbishment project without going through hell

97 replies

DJNeves · 19/03/2021 13:28

My wife is getting carried away with our home redesign. And it makes no financial sense. I just do not know how to break it through to her without being the stingy one, or the close-minded one.

Story short we went to an interior designer, we made 3 proposals. the first proposal came up at 50% of the sale value of our purpose-built flat. the cheapest proposal came up at 30% of the sale value of the flat.

My argument is that if we spend that money, we will not be able to retrieve it when the time to sell comes. There is a ceiling that even the bank looking at lending money for a mortgage will not go above. So we would have a flat that cost us 150 units for 100 units.

I fear her argument will be this is our home and she has no intention to sell it anyway.

My view would be to sell our existing flat as it is and buy a brand new designer flat. So sell the existing flat for 100 units. Use the 50 units refurbishment money as a further deposit and buy a designer home that is actually worth 150 units, and that you will be able to sell 150 units when the time comes.

I wish I would find a way to break it through in a cold manner without becoming emotional about it. My brother-in-law says it is a cultural issue. I do not know if it is a gender issue or just a different point of view. But in the end, someone will have to give in.

OP posts:
Choice4567 · 19/03/2021 13:29

HmmConfused

Hoppinggreen · 19/03/2021 13:32

Why are you asking a bunch of complete strangers how to have a reasonable conversation with your wife?

HollysBush · 19/03/2021 13:32

So you want to buy a flat where the work is already done? Have you spoken to your wife as bout it?

littleloopylou · 19/03/2021 13:33

Why are you convinced that her approach is wrong?

greycloudysky · 19/03/2021 13:36

A 'gender issue' ? Wtf does that mean?

It seems as though you and your wife have different ideas about your current home. It seems as though she sees it as your 'forever' home, ie you're there for the rest of your lives. It seems as though you see it as not a home but 'units' and want to sell.

Perhaps it's best to sit down with the person you own the house with and talk about your differences. There seems no point in spending a fortune on the house if you plan to sell. Seems like a complete waste of money.

Dery · 19/03/2021 13:36

Like PP have said, it’s not at all obvious that your proposal is better. It’s just the one you prefer. How do you and your wife usually resolve differences of opinion?

Wanderlusto · 19/03/2021 13:37

Where is the money coming from?

Nothing to do with culture or gender. Sounds like she just wants to make this place her home and you dont.

I mean if you think she is lying to you about wanting to fix up the place to sell...then you have bigger issues than the flat.

You should be able to have conversations that are frank, honest and with differing opinions with your own wife.

I suggest you tell her you want to sell your place as is and look for another place - and that she can spend his she likes in that one. No point soebdubg a ton of dosh somewhere you arent going to stay and that won't add value.

MindGrapes · 19/03/2021 13:37

Wtf is a "designer" home? All homes are designed.
Crunch the numbers and do some research and discuss it properly like adults. I have no idea what you mean by "break it through" but it doesn't sound like a fact-driven discussion.

Wanderlusto · 19/03/2021 13:37

*no point spending

Choice4567 · 19/03/2021 13:37

I still can’t work out what the ‘units’ bit means

greycloudysky · 19/03/2021 13:38

@Choice4567

I still can’t work out what the ‘units’ bit means
I think it's twat speak for money.
ClarkeGriffin · 19/03/2021 13:40

@Hoppinggreen

Why are you asking a bunch of complete strangers how to have a reasonable conversation with your wife?
In all fairness, we could say the same thing about every thread on here. If we are going down that route, just close every forum on the Internet and leave a disclaimer of 'learn to talk to people' on the Web page.

Seems a bit of a waste though to spend all that money and get no return on it, that's the gist I'm getting at least.

Whythesadface · 19/03/2021 13:40

Ask her if she is willing to go and view some flats worth 150units.
So you can see what you can get, this may help her focus on how moving up a house may give you better value.

HeddaGarbled · 19/03/2021 13:44

I fear her argument will be this is our home and she has no intention to sell it anyway

That’s a valid argument. What’s your response to that?

I think she wants to have the interior design of her choice rather than buy a flat that’s been done to someone else’s preferences.

katmarie · 19/03/2021 13:48

I think you and she are looking at this project through different sets of values. If I added up every coat of paint, new door handle, carpet etc etc I have changed in my home I have no doubt that over the years I have invested more in it than was sensible, if we are considering solely resale value of the house. But for me this is an investment in my home, my lifestyle, and making sure I live in a place which makes me happy. What value do you place on that?

Moomoolandmoomooland · 19/03/2021 13:49

You say that you fear her argument is she doesn't want to ever sell the flat. Have you not actually had this conversation yet?

The problem is you want to sell the flat at some point and she doesn't. What's wrong with it as it is now? Why does it need this work done to it? I guess whether or not you should move depends on that really.

HerRoyalNotness · 19/03/2021 13:51

How many units would it cost for selling, moving and stamp duty? If those are more than the refurbished and you like your location then I’d say it’s better to refurb

Nomorepies · 19/03/2021 13:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

Palavah · 19/03/2021 13:56

We understand percentages. You don't need to spell it out in units.

You and your wife seem to have different opinions about how long you will live in your flat. Probably a good idea to havea chat about that first

idontlikealdi · 19/03/2021 13:57

Talk to her? I take it you are paying for this?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/03/2021 14:00

You need Kirsty and Phil. LIOLI 😁

whiteshark · 19/03/2021 14:01

I'm baffled. Not a clue what a designer flat or 'units' refer to.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/03/2021 14:01

Thank you for explaining percentages 😂

But seriously, it's not a gender issue it's a communication issue.

My brother-in-law says it is a cultural issue. I do not know if it is a gender issue or just a different point of view. But in the end, someone will have to give in.

You are framing this as someone winning and someone losing - an argument rather than a conversation.

Why not approach it as a conversation and come to a compromise? There are rarely two opposing, complete options that are mutually exclusive. Having kids vs not having kids is an example with no compromise available.

This is a conversation you should be able to have with a partner without dreading a huge fall out. If you can't have that, it's not a very good relationship.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 19/03/2021 14:01

I thought it meant 'refurbishing the wife'!

I was not sure if it was going to be about cosmetic surgery or updating her wardrobe. Confused

LolaSmiles · 19/03/2021 14:02

Neither of you are necessarily being unreasonable, but there needs to be a Frank discussion about what you both see moving forward.

I'd probably agree with you that it makes little sense spending a sum of money on a property that you are unlikely to ever make back should you sell.

But you lost me at buying a 'designer' house. It sounds a bit twatty to me.