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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

All I have got for Mother’s Day....is a drunk husband

83 replies

MonaRoza · 14/03/2021 16:29

My husband isn’t good at buying cards, presents or flowers for special days. So I wasn’t expecting anything from him. But I was hoping for a day of peace. Instead he got annoyed at something first thing in the morning, starting to drink first thing in the morning. No surprise, drunk within couple of hours. And an argument follows as I am so upset with the situation. I have no question for you ladies, but just to say what an awful day, particularly on Mother’s Day 😔

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 14/03/2021 16:31

You don’t have a question but the answer is to leave him. He sounds like an alcoholic and that’s bad news for you and your children.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2021 16:31

For next Mother's Day, get yourself a divorce.

SanFranBear · 14/03/2021 16:32

I'm sorry, MonRoza. Do you have DC? Is there anywhere you can go to get away, at least for tonight?

Pinchoftum · 14/03/2021 16:33

He would be out of my life. I've lived with an alcoholic. Never ever again.

Woodyspecker · 14/03/2021 16:33

I really feel for you. Is he an alcholic?

GreatTeaMonkey · 14/03/2021 16:33

Do your children get to witness a drunken father often then? Why are you with him?

halfgirlhalfturnip · 14/03/2021 16:34

Do everything in your power to make sure that is the last special day he gets to ruin. The beauty of this is that you can walk away - he is stuck being him. As daughter of an alcoholic please leave as soon as you can.

user1493413286 · 14/03/2021 16:35

That’s not ok OP and it’s not a normal response to an argument

Original poster
MonaRoza · 14/03/2021 16:41

Thank you for taking time to respond. I took the kids out as soon as things started to look bad. We spent quite a bit of time in the park. That’s one difficult part of the pandemic, all the usual indoor places we can go are closed (cafes, soft play, etc), difficult to go to a friend’s house under the circumstances, etc.... Just an awful day all round. As per separating. it has been in my mind for soo long, but so difficult to make that decision

OP posts:
Devlesko · 14/03/2021 16:42

Why are you still with him.
You and the kids deserve better. Thanks

Original poster
MonaRoza · 14/03/2021 16:44

So many reasons why I am with him, so many. Biggest thing is that I think deep down he is a good man but he has massive emotional issues leading to these situations. I want to help, but, it doesn’t look like I am helping, if anything things are getting worse by day

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 14/03/2021 16:45

My ex-H was an alcoholic. He never once put me or DD first, and frankly it was a miserable way to live. Hes an ex now, my new partner doesnt drink and our lives are fantastic (not just because of the drink thing but everything)

Original poster
MonaRoza · 14/03/2021 16:48

@funnylittlefloozie

My ex-H was an alcoholic. He never once put me or DD first, and frankly it was a miserable way to live. Hes an ex now, my new partner doesnt drink and our lives are fantastic (not just because of the drink thing but everything)
Thank you for sharing. It is difficult to see life beyond the current situation, but good to see that’s one people find a happier life
OP posts:
GreatTeaMonkey · 14/03/2021 16:49

You can’t fix his drinking.

Your kids don’t need to grow up in that environment. They will know.

clpsmum · 14/03/2021 16:50

He gets pissed first thing in the morning and doesn't give a shit about your feelings or teaching his children to appreciate their mum, which part of that is good? He is not a good man and you deserve better. The more you ignore it the more it escalates

fedup078 · 14/03/2021 16:54

This happened to me last year . First Mother's Day, and first after my mother had died 1 week after dc was born. It had only been 2 months so pretty raw.
He got absolutely hammered the Saturday and Mother's Day
I should have ended it then but it took me another year and him getting pissed in the morning while looking after dc
Get rid

clpsmum · 14/03/2021 16:55

@fedup078 you got there in the end well done! Xxxx

Original poster
MonaRoza · 14/03/2021 16:56

@fedup078

This happened to me last year . First Mother's Day, and first after my mother had died 1 week after dc was born. It had only been 2 months so pretty raw. He got absolutely hammered the Saturday and Mother's Day I should have ended it then but it took me another year and him getting pissed in the morning while looking after dc Get rid
Sorry you had to go through that. I hope you are OK now
OP posts:
justthecat · 14/03/2021 16:58

You and your dc shouldn’t have to purposely stay out to avoid his behaviour, you should be able to relax in your own home.
He’s a selfish drunk and he’s not going to change

Original poster
MonaRoza · 14/03/2021 16:59

@Woodyspecker

I really feel for you. Is he an alcholic?
Unfortunately yes. He continues to be able to function workwise, but drinks heavily when not working. Refuses to seek external help as thinks it is not going to help
OP posts:
fedup078 · 14/03/2021 16:59

@MonaRoza he's still here but he's taken a flat which is ready in April. It's hard but I'm doing it for dc because my mam was an alcoholic and I'm damaged because of it, it's probably why I've put up with it for so long when many others wouldn't
Please think about making moves to leave

Original poster
MonaRoza · 14/03/2021 17:01

@fedup078 thank you ❤️

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 14/03/2021 17:10

Please put yourself and your children first. Leave him. He's a selfish ass and drink will always come first. Maybe one day he will admit he is an alcoholic and get help but don't hang around waiting for that day as you and your kids deserve better.

MarshmallowAra · 14/03/2021 17:13

@justthecat

You and your dc shouldn’t have to purposely stay out to avoid his behaviour, you should be able to relax in your own home. He’s a selfish drunk and he’s not going to change
I was going to say this.
MarshmallowAra · 14/03/2021 17:14

The wife and kids are out hanging around, filling time in the cold ... While the drunk father is at home relaxing in home comforts and warmth.

It's abusive actually.

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