All I have got for Mother’s Day....is a drunk husband

[MonaRoza]

My husband isn’t good at buying cards, presents or flowers for special days. So I wasn’t expecting anything from him. But I was hoping for a day of peace. Instead he got annoyed at something first thing in the morning, starting to drink first thing in the morning. No surprise, drunk within couple of hours. And an argument follows as I am so upset with the situation. I have no question for you ladies, but just to say what an awful day, particularly on Mother’s Day 😔

You can't help him, only he can fix his problems himself, if he wants to. The only thing you can do is give him the ultimatum - sort yourself out or else it'll be over.

"I don't want my children to be scared, emotionally impacted"

By staying with him, they will be. They know. Trust me, they know already.

You clearly love your DC so you need to be strong for them and do something - get out or kick him out. Because nothing will change apart from your children resenting you for not protecting them from this. You might not be strong enough to do this for you but you need to be strong enough to do this for your children, they deserve so much more than they're getting right now. As much as you're trying to protect them, you can't do that in the shadow of alcoholism.

My ex was an alcoholic and it took so long for me to leave, it almost broke me. But I moved on. I was happy for the first time in years.
The sound of a can opening makes my stomach flip, even to this day. But I know that I would probably have done something silly had I stayed, be that to my ex or myself, thankfully we'll never know.

Protect your kids OP. They need you to advocate for them. Don't make them live that life any more.

You exist only as an excuse - you made me angry, so I drank. You hurt my feelings, so I drank. I worked hard for you and the kids so I drank to relax

So true...also add "you left me so I drink".

Op, it feel daunting to leave but it's one step at a time. The first is to acknowledge you do not want the children to live this life. Also that it won't get better on it's own...usually much worse.

I was the child of an alcoholic. If you cannot leave for yourself then please leave for them. The damage will stay with them forever. The drink comes first. Every time. Not you. Not your children.

@MonaRoza

He says we make him drink because the kids and I stress him out...the kids are not that old, so some of the stuff they do can be stressful but they are kids. It is not fair to put the blame on them or me. I am not saying I am perfect but I try to be a nice person...O even said to him several times maybe he should find himself somewhere else to live. If we really stress him and cause him to drink, then he can see if being away from us helps him...but he is still here...always a reason not to go. The pandemic, wasting money he could spend on our house, etc

I am so sorry that you are going through this, and you need to internalise the fact that you and the kids DO NOT make him drink.

I decided to stop drinking 21 months ago. I'd not call myself an alcoholic but I definitely have a troubled relationship with alcohol.
From my own experience and from the stories that others have shared with me, we were all drinking to cover up or to numb some horrible insecurity in ourselves.

No one who has honestly examined their problematic relationship with alcohol drinks "because" someone else makes them, it's because the alcohol plugs some gap, boosts some morale, or eases some anxiety.

You cannot fix that in him (and nor can he if he doesn't want to acknowledge it). He drinks because he has chosen that "solution", and it has a terrible impact on you, your children and, ironically, himself.

As someone who has had many concerned friends, who has damaged relationships and who has subjected herself to terrible situations, I am telling you that it is NOT your responsability or your duty to fix him. Your responsibility is to take your children and yourself somewhere safe.

If he is wiling and able to fix himself, apologise for his hurtful behaviour and regain your trust, perhaps there is a way forward for you as a family. However, none of that can happen while you are protecting him and taking all of his problem on as your own.

I really do wish you well. xx

Lots of really good advice on here.
I left when my daughter was 5 months old. Didn't look back.
My daughter is happily married. I have 2 beautiful Grandchildren.
I know if I'd stayed - he would've pulled us both down into the gutter/poverty. As well as being a drinker, he was a lazy, lazy man - he had no shame where money was concerned. Spent his whole adult life on benefits + scrounging money.
I wish you and your children good luck

My father was an alcoholic- I despised him quite frankly and I was angry for years at my mother for not ditching him.

Your duty is to safeguard your kids, not to coddle him and no matter how sad the cause of his drinking is- it won't prevent your children from being scarred.

If nothing else, start a diary of his behaviour. Write down how it affects you and the children etc. At least you can use it as proof.

Drinking in the morning?? Very worrying. I can't give any better advice than has already has been given. Good luck.