Just been dumped by text, hand hold needed.

[Hurtandheartbroken123]

Been with a guy for perhaps 18 months now. Very intense relationship, looking back there was love bombing at the beginning from his side but things quickly calmed down and we got into a less intense pattern as time went on. Things seemed great, and over the past month we had been talking more about the future and what we'd like to do post lockdown. Started planning a trip together and talking about potentially moving in if things were still going well at the end of the year.

Last night he told me he loved me, had never loved anyone like he loved me, was excited for our future etc etc. He's not very good with words so this was a special moment between us. I told him I felt the same, everything was good.

This morning I received a text message saying he wanted to break up. No other woman apparently, he just doesn't want to carry on the relationship. Says it's not me it's him blah blah. I tried to call but he won't answer and says it's best to end it now. He doesn't want to hurt me but feels it's best to end things now before they get too deep. Maybe our talk of the future scared him but I'm fucking heartbroken and so hurt at the way he ended it.

He says he's doesn't want to be friends and would rather we don't talk again. I've asked him seriously if there is another woman on the scene and he says no.

I need a handhold badly as I live alone, supposed to be working from home today but feel rotten. Can't stop crying.

I'm 32. Please tell me this gets better.

Oh you poor thing. It will get better.

I think it's better that he doesn't want to be friends. He's not going to stick around half way in half way out using you as a place holder girlfriend, standing in the door way of your heart, ykwim.

It will get better. Express your pain, anger, sorrow whenever it occurs, and look for things to keep yourself busy! It will get better.

PS, and I know this isn't much of a consolation but he is cowardly about communication.

He's also fickle. Like 24 hours ago ''i love you'' in person and then the next day ''you're dumped'' by text.

Maybe he's just figuring out what feels right for him and he is hurting people along the way, but you deserve better.

He doesn't sound that great.

He's playing you
It's all part of the love bombing thing, he builds you up and he knocks you down, dumping you so cruely immediately after telling you how much he loves you is designed to crush confuse and humiliate you, make you feel worthless so thatyou plead with him to take you back.
Cut him dead he's bad news, he wants to make you 'addicted' to him just so that you gratify his ego

@oil0W0lio

He's playing you It's all part of the love bombing thing, he builds you up and he knocks you down, dumping you so cruely immediately after telling you how much he loves you is designed to crush confuse and humiliate you, make you feel worthless so thatyou plead with him to take you back. Cut him dead he's bad news, he wants to make you 'addicted' to him just so that you gratify his ego

All of this. You deserve better.

I would be suspicious thinking he's got back with an ex even though he won't admit it. He's been Playing with your feelings so don't let him back it would only happen again, block him.

Agree with these posters.

Do not fall in to a trap of asking for so little from a relationship in order to 'not scare him off''. As though, having him around on his terms and never knowing where you stood with him would be some great prize.

If you do end up in communication with him again even just by text one night when he crawls back be really clear ''mixed messages are not for me'' and let him stay gone.

Pacing relationships (at the start) is really difficult for me too and I've had to train myself to realise that if I am putting space between the last date and the next that is my prerogative and it's normal and healthy and I've had to remind myself ''I owe this person nothing'' so that I did not feel guilty that I couldn't fall in to line with a love bombers time line!!!

I've got this t-shirt. It's hard.

Thanks so much to you all.

I'm so hurt at the fact he thought a text message would be the best way.

I've tried to get answers but he's gone silent. Very upsetting and so so sudden. Made me think there's another woman on the scene even though he was adamant there wasn't (I don't believe a word he says now so it wouldn't surprise me if there was another woman in the wings).

It's the suddeness of it that's shocked me. I've been in relationships where I knew the end was coming but this has knocked me off my feet.

I'm angry at the fact his mind has literally been changed overnight.

You poor thing, it will get easier. Don't try to get answers, that's what he wants. Then he will hope you ask for another chance. At this point he has you acting on your best behaviour so he doesn't dump you again and you end up in a shit relationship. I know it's hard but block him. Erase his number

you need the running girl thread

Sounds like a total psyco headworker tbh.
Bet he'll show up again in a few weeks telling you he's made a huge mistake. Tell him to jog on if he does.

Ppl who lovebomb, even if it's just 'a little in the beginning' are not normal, they are disordered. And they carry on this disorderd behaviour throughout their dating life.

He is cruel and broke up with you at the time and in the way that would cause the most pain. At best, he has had his head turned by someone else. At worst, this is a test to see if you will beg for him.back and feed his ego. And to see if you will brush this under the carpet when he feels like coming back (with some bs excuse no doubt).

Here it is. I hope it makes you feel better reading how she dealt with it. I am sorry you are going through this
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text

It's very hard because the love bombing makes you feel emotionally bonded and this increases the pain when the relationship is suddenly discarded, it sounds very much like the classic narcissist's lovebomb, discard and then hoover cycle.
Ultimately he's much more trouble than he's worth

Oh , that sounds so hard. I understand that anyone can end a relationship at any time, but the way he has gone about it is very cruel. He's well and truly pulled the rug from under your feet. An 18 month relationship is a fair amount of time, and if it was intense then that makes it harder. You don't deserve to be treated like that. I'm so sorry.

At the very least, you know if you did get back together you could never trust how he says he feels, so very much best ended now.

A text after 18 months together?? Well you know what op I say that he is a bullet dodged. You deserved a face to face about that.

what a Loser, be kind to yourself OP 🌺

Wow what a total head fuck.
You do not want to waste your time or life with a man child.
You could never have a happy healthy relationship with this person.
What a total let down.

I would start to think about what you want out of life, how you envisage your future and things you'd like to do this year and beyond. We are moving into spring and there is light at the end of the pandemic. So it is a positive year and you can thank him for letting you see what a total shit he is and being free from him.

Please be kind to yourself. Go for some walks, go on a walk with friends, get some nice food in, do some baking.
Try to avoid contact with him and if you're desperate write out a text but send it to a friend instead and that'll curb contact x

PS do not try to get answers from him. He wasn't gracious enough to let you down gently he won't be gracious enough to tell you the real reasons.
And it doesn't matter what his reasons are. You don't need his opinion or perspective, it'll be a crap perspective and selfish.

You poor thing how horrible.
Yes do read that thread linked above and do what she did, do not, under any circumstances, contact him again. That is the best and only revenge. If I am every in this situation I will find that thread and read it and never reply.
You could never trust him again after this anyway.
It absolutely does get better. Hand hold from me XX

@mcmooberry

You poor thing how horrible. Yes do read that thread linked above and do what she did, do not, under any circumstances, contact him again. That is the best and only revenge. If I am every in this situation I will find that thread and read it and never reply. You could never trust him again after this anyway. It absolutely does get better. Hand hold from me XX

When I read it it made me wish I had seen it well before any of my previous breakups. It was like a textbook in how to deal with it. So inspiring

Thank you all, sat here crying but reading your messages.

I've read some of the thread someone posted, very inspirational and I admire very much the OP.

I'm still in shock, can't believe that this time yesterday everything was fine. Talking about booking a trip and potentially looking at apartments together to 24 hours later a 'I'm sorry I can't do this anymore' text message. I feel pathetic that I believed everything.

I also can't get over the fact he was telling me how much he loved me, wanted a future with me etc etc last night. Now I'm single again and he's fucked off after sending a pathetic text message.

Finding my anger now.

Thank you all.

Wanker. Utter wanker.

OP, he's displaying classic NPD behaviour. The love bombing thing that previous posters have described is an alarm bell for you.

As the survivor of a marriage with a narcissist, I sincerely advise you to block this man on your phone and on all social media. Don't have anything more to do with him.

It's hard and my heart goes out to you. But console yourself with the fact that he's a dick for what he did. No one deserves such shit treatment!

Love bombing - he is setting you up to beg and plead. That gives him massive power. He will probably be back when you go silent anyway - he is no good.