Just been dumped by text, hand hold needed.

[Hurtandheartbroken123]

Been with a guy for perhaps 18 months now. Very intense relationship, looking back there was love bombing at the beginning from his side but things quickly calmed down and we got into a less intense pattern as time went on. Things seemed great, and over the past month we had been talking more about the future and what we'd like to do post lockdown. Started planning a trip together and talking about potentially moving in if things were still going well at the end of the year.

Last night he told me he loved me, had never loved anyone like he loved me, was excited for our future etc etc. He's not very good with words so this was a special moment between us. I told him I felt the same, everything was good.

This morning I received a text message saying he wanted to break up. No other woman apparently, he just doesn't want to carry on the relationship. Says it's not me it's him blah blah. I tried to call but he won't answer and says it's best to end it now. He doesn't want to hurt me but feels it's best to end things now before they get too deep. Maybe our talk of the future scared him but I'm fucking heartbroken and so hurt at the way he ended it.

He says he's doesn't want to be friends and would rather we don't talk again. I've asked him seriously if there is another woman on the scene and he says no.

I need a handhold badly as I live alone, supposed to be working from home today but feel rotten. Can't stop crying.

I'm 32. Please tell me this gets better.

Be angry and put him in the life experience section of ‘phew that was a near miss’

Yes OP don't be surprised if he re-emerges in a few days when you haven't contacted him to say he has made a mistake and wants to try again. He sounds like a head case, block him and don't not acknowledge him if he tries to get in contact.

@Hurtandheartbroken123 I could have written this a month ago, but we’d been together 4.5 years and were engaged.

It truly is a horrible awful feeling but you WILL get through. Don’t message him or speak to him in any way, trust me on this - it just makes it harder. Take care of yourself

Try to think back and remember all the moments where he did or said something that unsettled you or twanged your intuition - you’re free to assess his behaviour with a dispassionate eye now.

And even if he’d been ‘perfect’ up until now, the fact that he could make that powerful declaration of love and then dump you within a matter of hours shows how unsuitable he is for authentic intimacy.

What a prick.

I'm sorry that's rubbish- please make the decision now to block him, do not let him worm his way back

He did it by text because he intends to return. He's fucking with you - giving you intermittent reinforcement to make you addicted to him.

Never communicate with him again under any circumstance.

To change direction so suddenly like he did is not normal.

I was about to suggest the running girls thread. She was absolutely magnificent. OP he’s a shit. Don’t reply. He will get back in touch. He’s seeking your attention and adulation Dick.

Absolutely agree with pp. Build you up and then whips the carpet out to knock you down...high highs followed by low lows -in order to create a trauma bond.

And by text you are left without closure, so will be more tempted to meet him for answers when he does decide he wants to come back.

It's a big old trap. Block and run.

Ask yourself if you really want a head wrecker who loves you madly one day and then dumps you so callously the day after?! He is also stone cold to not even give you the opportunity to discuss it as well as cowardly. Block him - I know it’s hard but it will get better. There is a much better man out there xxx

It's not your fault that you feel like this, try and think of it as a kind of addiction so now you can focus on not feeding the addiction, distracting yourself so that the cravings can die off.

Save that Text message OP.

When he crawls back, which he will, just remind yourself of how he treated you 🌺

I've tried to get answers but he's gone silent.
You don't need answers. You already have the information you need- hes dumped you.
It hurts like hell, I get it, I've been there. The only response you should give him (Imo) is ' fair enough' in response to him finishing it.
This stops drama dead.
It stops his ego as you are pleading for info.
It stops him potentially crawling back to you with him having the upper hand jver you.
I personally wouldn't want to be with anyone who says they don't want to.
It is a mind game he's played with you after last night .
I beg you to stay strong, use what ever tools you can to stay strong, eg MN,friends, exercise, what ever keeps you busy.
Good luck. Convince your self you will be ok and before you realise it you are
X

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text

I hope it links ok.

Whats his previous relationship history like? Hes got commitment issues.

The type to leave you at the alter. The type to leave you alone with a new born. Run OP.

To be honest the only ex girlfriend he's talked about was the one prior me, he just said the relationship had run its course.

Just had an evening of crying and thinking. I'm genuinely shocked at his behaviour, I honestly thought he was one of the good guys and would at least end a relationship in a decent manner. Not a fucking text and then off he goes. I honestly thought he wasn't that type of man. I know now in hindsight he is but my god I feel like I've been knocked off my feet.

I've had no further contact with him since the initial texts asking why he was doing it over a text, and to ask why. Why he was suddenly breaking up with me. Why did he tell me he loved me yesterday. He's radio silent and now so am I.

There's something not quite right, I just can't put my finger on it but I'm shocked he would do this. This is why I think there's another woman in the wings.

I've been reading through the thread some posters have linked, thank you!!!!

He sounds really unstable! Thank God you're out of that mess, you had a lucky escape, imagine him doing this when you were already married and with kids!

This happened to me, We had even been talking about moving in together,when a week or so later he came to stay over at mine as normal(but packed all his things up and took them with him in the morning-then sent me a message to say that it was best we ended things)I was like you-Heartbroken and confused.
After a while he did get back in touch and said he got scared by how serious things were becoming.
I did try again with him but it just wasn't the same after and I could never fully trust or relax around him again.
Maybe it is something similar with your man?
My advice is to cut all ties now and try to work on healing yourself.

Is he on talking terms with his ex OP?
Or did he do the same?

Does he live on his own or still with parents?
If the latter and hes 30+ then there's a high chance that he gets with women, then once the reality sets in that these adult women actually want him to grow up and actually make the future a reality, he gets cold feet.

Its not about you its about him

Nope, not another woman. He might want you to have that doubt in your head that he MIGHT be though.

From your description, he’s a headworker. This part of a plan.

He’ll be back.. with a sob story.

If you follow his script you’ll be dancing to his dogshit tune for the rest of your depressing life.

Block. And move on.

Thank you again for the comments.
To answer some questions he's late 30s, lives on his own too and has done for years. He's a bit of a mummy's boy and it did cause some minor problems (for example if his mother called him when we were chatting on video call he'd immediately hang up to speak to her!! FFS) No major arguments about it but his mother always said she didn't believe we were serious until we were together at least two years, then she'd take me seriously. Charming. Maybe I've dodged a potential crazy mother in law.

@charliebear78 Yes I have a feeling he may have just ran when he realised how serious things were getting. I'm confused just like you were. It's fucking scary that someone can just switch like that.

I've stopped crying. That fucker is taking no more tears of mine.

We're there not any other warning signs? Were there not any niggling doubts? think of all the negatives about him to help you get over this!

Are you sure it was his mother calling and not another woman? Did you meet her? It sounds like he was using her as an excuse.

But glad that there are no more tears for that idiot.

@Sakurami that's something I've been thinking too. I honestly don't know now.

@Ilovetheseventies no warning signs whatever! It's weird because I'm very much in tune with my intuition etc and I felt nothing that was 'off'. That's why it's all so sudden for me. Normally I'd have an inkling if a break up was coming but not with him.

I had a really bad night last night. Crying, thinking too much, the whole works. I know it'll take time but it's bloody hard. I think if he had been a lot more respectful with the manner of the break up I'd feel less shit. It's the fact he did it over a text and that was it, that's what is hurting the most.

It is such a cruel thing to do. It's not surprising you are upset. Keep treating yourself with kindness. It is particularly hard in lockdown but it won't be long till you can go to the pub with friends. In the meantime make your environment as nice as possible, buy healthy posh food, have baths, read self-help books, cuddle the cat if you have one. You will still feel shit but it will take the edge off.

Also make sure you read right through to the end of the running girl thread then her second one! This will be you soon!