An insult or normal behaviour?

[Jamesworks2hard]

Hi all, I hope I'm putting this in the right place. I don't know what to make of this, is it normal or should I feel offended?

With us hopefully heading towards getting back to some form of normal, I decided to get back onto a dating site, but not the one I used last time. I wrote out my profile, added a few pictures and did everything I'd done before and what is within the rules and regulations on the site. This was at 10am this morning.

I've just logged in and started to browse through the ladies within my selected age group and found about 20% of them had blocked me! I felt mortified and it upset me somewhat. I'm no Greek god, but according to my friends, I have what's called a friendly face with kind eyes, I take that as a compliment.

Are there any other guys on here who use them and would you say that what's happened to me is normal or over the top?

I'm in my 20s

Well, the OP has specified a minimum age of 54 so you're not exactly his target audience .

He's edited his profile to get rid of those bits now.

Thing is, you were honest about who you are. If we all correct your profile to make you sound appealing, we're doing a disservice to women on the site.

In my view you come across as old fashioned and a sports bore but to another woman you might be the sort of guy they like. There are women who are also old fashioned and who are either into motorsport or who are quite happy with partner who is. So I think better to leave the profile up to save wasting yours and their times.

@Jamesworks2hard

Much better ! Good luck. Keep us posted

AirBubbleMe It's very difficult if not impossible to sum up your entire personality in a short OLD profile. The idea (as I see it) is that it should be an advertisement, not a consumer review. The period of chatting that follows the match is when you can find out whether the person is a sports-bore or too old fashioned or whatever.

As I mentioned when I offered my suggestions, most sports bore me rigid but I wouldn't write off every man who mentioned them in a profile. I'd expect a partner to have some hobbies he did separately and some we shared - the deal breaker would only be if a separate interest dominated his life or was forced on me.

The OP has now clarified that it's no big deal if he doesn't watch every single motorbike race, which hopefully should mean potential partners who don't share this interest but enjoy some of the other things he's mentioned, don't write him off as having a one-track mind.

glass of wine
not
class of wine.

I preferred your first rewrite, and it makes you sound appealing.

I think border terriers are adorable, I'm in the right age group, and although your last rolo sounds appealing, the last time I had Rolos they had changed them and they weren't good.

So you’ll go 6 years younger but only two older cause your young at heart lol . Amazing how cliche that is for men to use that excuse . So many older women are sick of the age discrimination this will stand out to them . I’d try five years either side .
And yes people watching is creeping makes you sound like a voyeur
Also yeah motorbikes might appeal to some women but for me it’s a no
I know you might be worried if will reduce what you have on your profile but less can sometime be more

@LApprentiSorcier

AirBubbleMe It's very difficult if not impossible to sum up your entire personality in a short OLD profile. The idea (as I see it) is that it should be an advertisement, not a consumer review. The period of chatting that follows the match is when you can find out whether the person is a sports-bore or too old fashioned or whatever.

As I mentioned when I offered my suggestions, most sports bore me rigid but I wouldn't write off every man who mentioned them in a profile. I'd expect a partner to have some hobbies he did separately and some we shared - the deal breaker would only be if a separate interest dominated his life or was forced on me.

The OP has now clarified that it's no big deal if he doesn't watch every single motorbike race, which hopefully should mean potential partners who don't share this interest but enjoy some of the other things he's mentioned, don't write him off as having a one-track mind.

Meh, I'd argue that getting an ad written by others is to misrepresent. Better everyone's aware of what's on offer and not waste their time.

I’d take out the bit about people watching.

It’s a bit full on for someone who you’ve never met.

Having said that, it’s one of my favourite ways to pass the time too! So I completely get it; I wouldn’t use it as a way to advertise myself though, and more likely drop it into conversation many dates down the line! 😁

Good luck.

Course you can use my edit - I've tweaked your rewrite a smidge as there are a few minor grammatical issues ;) I think you should do interests first then move on to who you're looking for, so I switched that around a bit, and I think the aromatic food bit sounded a bit odd... I think you need to keep it as factual as possible and want women to find out more, rather than being too waffly. It's sounding loads better though!

Hi there - I'm very much an active guy; a witty and young at heart 60 year old. Now retired, I keep busy with a bit of gym, walking my Border Terrier, salmon fishing, cycling and watching the world go by. I enjoy finding new places to try different food, beers and ales, watching motor sports, going to rock concerts and the cinema.

I really enjoy cooking and I think two people can have much more fun in the kitchen than one...

I don't put restrictions on physical appearances - I'm much more interested in warmth of character. I'd like to meet a woman who enjoys good conversation over coffee, a decent glass of wine, visiting places of interest, castles, walks on the beach or in the forest and enjoying life each and every day. I'm looking for a woman who wants a meaningful relationship, who I can fall in love with and spend many happy years with.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

Lots of good advice. I too like you more here than in your profile, so hope you can make it more ‘genuinely you’!

I think you know that you are better off getting a woman's point of view, so you came on a forum predominantly for women, but then claiming you want a man's POV, knowing full well you'd get women answering.
Like your profile, it appears you try too hard at times to unnecessarily hide your motivations, and justify why you have them. That's how it comes across, lose all the whit - sorry but it screams trying too hard. The dating someone taller, sounds like an apology for being short ( they can read this in your stats usually).
This might be my irk, but there's a difference between watching and doing sports, so make it clear that the list is sport you like watching - unless you ride yourself in the TT.
It's good you mention that you walk the dog and cycle - perhaps expand on this ( hill walks, coastal?)it shows you do exercise a bit as a completely sedentary life is not attractive to most.
Take on board what people have said, also consider when you put a negative down whether it's a deal-breaker. I like football, yes it's good if my BF does, but actually he doesn't, it's not a problem for us. Salmon fishing - any mention of fishing and I'm done, but that's just me. However, as you've been particular about it being salmon, perhaps you could expand on what aspect you like that salmon fishing entails as opposed to other fish, might make it sound more interesting to those who know nothing about it.

All sounds great but I wouldn't mention physical appearance at all. Talk about the type of personality you prefer but not physical. Even if you do have a type.

Even though you're retired, I'd be interested in the job you used to do. Also maybe list one or two songs that you love and one or two dishes that you're great at cooking.

I also wouldn't describe yourself as witty - rather prove it by writing something witty. Truly witty and clever profiles really drew me in when I was OLD.

But like I said earlier. Your profile should be a snapshot of who you really are. Your real personality and interests and what you want.

People watching does not make him sound like a voyeur, ffs. That’s a ridiculous claim

Your last edit is so much better, you come across as a nice guy with varied interests, not too intense like before.
Best of luck!

Some of these replies are a bit loopy, to be honest, and I wonder if some of the posters have ever done online dating in their lives.
Definitely mention the motor biking at the start. If someone is going to be put off you for that (their prerogative), then it's best they're weeded out from the start.

I am doing online dating now and the first v profile would have been a fucking hard left for me. There are a million men on there without giving suicidal cross dressers who don't respect boundaries a chance 😂

That's the whole point of these profiles, so you can weed out the crap. No one needs to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

Your original bio sounded ok - you sound a bit too smart for most people who are on OLD! 😆

No, he sounded like he had a complete lack of self awareness.

Wow fuck me the world of OLD is harsh. I'm married and in my thirties and I thought your initial profile was fine, I think the second one is perhaps a bit better and more straightforward. You sound nice, chilled, funny and respectful. And that's coming from someone who considers an interest in cycling to be a bit of a red flag 😂 but I can't believe the level of nit-picking. I didn't read any hints of suicide or cross dressing. Anyway, tbh, if that's how it is, it's a good thing you came on mumsnet, you get properly tailored advice! Best of luck!

@sammylady37, @Dilemma8188,

OLD profiles are often written obliquely to highlight preferences such as transvestites or voyeurism which is why profiles that aren't suggesting those preferences need to be aware. Saying people "people watching" to a group of friends is different to starting a conversation with or potentially meeting a complete stranger.

Op, do you have photos of you smiling? Close up photos without a smile or lying on a bed are not attractive.

Just realised your title was "insult" . Why did you feel insulted that 20% of women choose not to see your profile again. I think insult is a very strange emotion to have.

I think you sound nice, if a bit try-too-hard at the moment (understandably). I would take out the words cycling and salmon fishing for starters, and defo the people watching section which is in danger of sounding creepy (I am sure it’s not meant to).
Good luck and have fun with it - don’t take things too seriously or to heart.

@sammylady37

People watching does not make him sound like a voyeur, ffs. That’s a ridiculous claim

It didn't make him sound like that to you but a number of people said it sounded creepy, so unless they are lying it may not sound like that to you but it did to a number of people.

@Fireflygal fair enough. Not having that experience I didn't realise there was such an "art" to it I guess. In that sense, I do think the advice provided on here is invaluable! I bet consultants charge ££££ to finesse one's OLD profile:)

A happy update, since I added my "current" final profile, I've exchanged a few messages with a woman who is less than 15 miles from me. It's a start, but you have to walk before you can run.

Thank you for your input.