An insult or normal behaviour?

[Jamesworks2hard]

Hi all, I hope I'm putting this in the right place. I don't know what to make of this, is it normal or should I feel offended?

With us hopefully heading towards getting back to some form of normal, I decided to get back onto a dating site, but not the one I used last time. I wrote out my profile, added a few pictures and did everything I'd done before and what is within the rules and regulations on the site. This was at 10am this morning.

I've just logged in and started to browse through the ladies within my selected age group and found about 20% of them had blocked me! I felt mortified and it upset me somewhat. I'm no Greek god, but according to my friends, I have what's called a friendly face with kind eyes, I take that as a compliment.

Are there any other guys on here who use them and would you say that what's happened to me is normal or over the top?

Hi op.

You can't and shouldn't be for anyone. I would recommend you be yourself, express yourself naturally, openly and honestly. Then you will attract the right person for you (and repel those who are not for you) - like marketing.

The cycling or the motorsports wouldn't put me off. They'd actually be a plus for me. But the bad humour would. As would the watching people comment as it makes you sound very passive, but then perhaps you are.

I am 🤣🤣🤣 at your profile James - I’d probably meet you for a date - you sound like a right laugh to me!

I hate this profile, but then, you're obviously not trying to attract me.

Also (i.e. in addition to what everyone else has said) "electric to eclectic" doesn't make grammatical sense!

** I’m married though, before you ask!

@BehindMyEyes

Not in the profile but in a comment he said he looked like a fox on chemo with mange. 🙄

I don’t think the profile’s too bad once you fix the apostrophes and lose a bit of the humour. I think it comes across quite clearly who you are - for me, it would be a no, because I can’t be doing with men who are into sport and motorsport, but that’s fine! I wouldn’t take that stuff out because for some women it would be a plus. I always think it’s better to be upfront and then some of the sorting is done straight away.

Get rid of heels comment, rolo comment, people watching bit and saying being 'sick'of cooking for one.

[quote VanGoghsDog]@BehindMyEyes

Not in the profile but in a comment he said he looked like a fox on chemo with mange. 🙄[/quote]
Ah yes...

All those hobbies cycling, fishing, motorsports - when do you have time to spend with anyone that doesn't share them?

Once again, can I thank you all for your concerns, pointers and constructive comments. I do have a great sense of humour and would like that to come over in my profile, but maybe I'm trying too hard.

Christoncrutches, I'd like to thank you too and can I have your permission to use the one you've written?

I'm going to change my preferences too, so I can be more inclusive.

Any more suggestion are welcome.

The chemo / Fox / mange comments is really off-putting. I know it was on here and not in your profile but I guess maybe your sense of humour will put some people off if you say stuff like that. But that's fine because everyone is different and you should be with someone who shares your sense of humour.

Did you understand why the changes people suggested were made? How people watching bit is creepy and the waking up every morning being a win is very indicative of perhaps being quite hard work / depressed? Again not a criticism of you as a person but really heavy for a first impression!

I ask as I think it's useful to not just make changes but to really try to understand why they are suggested.

I'm in your 'target' age range and I wouldn't even need to see a picture of you, there's just too much info in your bio, it's like word vomit. I wouldn't be remotely interested, I'd want concise and factual without attempts at humour.

Ah. Oh dear.

A long self-indulgent screed on your, mostly masculine, mostly lone-person interests. Then one 'jokey' throw-away comment about the woman you're looking for, telling her what she may or may not be, in relation to you.

Have you lived alone for a long time and got too used to talking to yourself?

You remind me of a bloke I used to be acquainted with, who I described as 'a man who tells you things'. That is, he'd talk for half an hour about his niche music interests, then ask if you knew about a particular band. Then, if as was most likely, you didn't, he'd tell you all about it. It never occurred to him to ask open question, listen to the answer and develop a conversation. His only follow-up was 'oh I once did something like that, blah, blah blah, minute detail of his experience'. It would be fair to say he did not have much success with women.

Also, you're using a type of gentle, observational humour which works ok in person, as part of a longer conversation but not in writing, where it comes across as verbose, tangential and confusing.

You need to think about who you're talking to and address your piece to them. Say something about why you're looking for someone to date / love / live with (which? do you know? no probs if not but if you only want something casual it would be nice to say, so you don't waste people's time). What interests do you hope to share with them? Which are you willing to drop to make time for a relationship? You sound too busy.

I’ve not done OLD before but 20% of people blocking sounds good to me?? I mean, I don’t fancy 99% (or more) of people in my preferred age bracket.That’s got to be the norm though? If I fancy someone, it’s a special feeling. Or are other people walking around just fancying anyone they see of a similar age?

I'm a actively looking at OLD for men though younger.

I think the profile is 1) bit long 2) too intense.
I wouldn't block you though

The rolo thing is a bit naff tbh

I’m in your age group but married- you sound perfectly fine but I would get rid of the people watching bit— thing is James, they either fancy you or they don’t, many women at that age are still just as into ‘the shallow stuff’. You don’t say if you still work either and I would be upfront about that

I suggest you delete
The people watching
The sports to only what you like
The modifying food, unless you are a gourmet chef
The wet paint
Getting up everyday
Dip your toe in some many camps? Just No!
Many of us enjoy a array of music why mention it like you are the only one
Your profile I would read and block for the fact of those things.

@Talkingmouse

‘I have no objection...’ Lucky lucky ladies that you will not object about their physical characteristics! Go get those heels tiger 🙄

😂 so funny

"If I wake up every day, that's a goal, waking up the day after is an aspiration."

I'd definitely get rid of this. I'm long term MH sufferer, I read this as you being suicidal.

Also the heels comment needs to go. Joking or not I'd not take the risk you were a cross dresser. Not that there's anything wrong with that but not for me. If you are, you probably need a specialist site.

Oh, I quite like the 'last Rolo' comment. It's sweet. (I remember the adverts, as would people in your age range I think, I'm a bit younger). It conveys a willingness to give, to think of the other person, to offer something hopefully without expectation of return and a gentle humour, far better than most of the rest of the text!

The getting up in the morning thing though, makes me think you're a negative person who whinges about his health issues and uses them as excuses, or defensively when challenged, to shut the other person down. I've met the type. (Your apostrophes / fibro comment confirms this, sorry). Having health issues is not the problem. Being self-deprecating can be charming - but take care, people will take you at your own valuation. Being a drain, whiny or manipulative would be big, big problems and I'd be very alert to hints of this behaviour.

OLD really is a numbers game. But, you’re profile does remind me of so many i’ve seen where all the activities someone does is listed and whenever I talk to someone with a profile like that, they always seem to be after a woman who will share those activities or slot into an already busy activity schedule. Very few seem to have any interest in WHO that woman is, so long as she like those activities.

Now having stuff in common is great, but so often people seem to spend very little time actually getting to know me as an individual. Id assume you were one of these guys based on your profile.

Plus it is so annoying when men seem only willing to date their age or a lot younger, especially as they get older themselves.

I like people watching too and the high heels comment made me laugh. The line about waking up each day is a goal, is the only thing I wasnt too sure about.

I think you sound great and really fun but just for the sake of first impressions, I too would either drastically shorten or lose altogether the music tastes section.

I think the funny bits are nice but maybe a bit much for first impressions (it's really hard to tell whether people with jokes in things like this are genuinely funny or just kind of dickheads, so maybe save the people watching and tall women comment for later! I would keep the last rolo bit though, I think it's cute.

I'm 60 and have put my search to look for 54 to 62 year olds, I wouldn't say I'm looking for someone too you, plus I'm a young at heart guy.
change to
I'm 60 and I'm a young at heart guy.

" Very much an outdoors guy, cycling, a bit of gym, walking the dog, salmon fishing and finding new pubs/bars to try different food, beers and ales. I love going to concerts and the cinema, but one of my greatest loves , is people watching the world go by , a form of entertainment that offers so much scope for fun and humour. As humans, we go about life doing just what we shouldn't. If a sign states, "wet paint", we find we have to touch it to find out if it is, a simple instruction, but why do we not believe what we see? "

If I wake up every day, that's a goal, waking up the day after is an aspiration.
Suggests depressive tendencies.
Reword it so that it sounds like you live each day to the full or something.

My musical tastes are far and wide, electric to eclectic and from classical to experimental, I dip a toe in so many camps, but my favourites are electronic, rock, prog rock, ambient, blues, guitar blues, dance/disco and Cajun/Zydeco/Bluegrass/Country.

OK but that's a lot of favourites, might suggest a music bore

I enjoy cooking and creating/modifying food to share, I'm fed up with making meals for one, I do make a mean muffin though.
This is the only bit that makes it sound like you want to share experience. The 'I'm fed up' makes you sound miserable.

As for sports, football, rugby, golf are not for me, they are ball sports, much too slow, for me it has to have 2 wheels and go 200mph, so MotoGP, Superbikes and the Isle of Man TT it is then. I also like cycle racing, the Giro d' Italia, Tour de France and La Vuelta.
That would put me off.
Reword to not mention the things you don't like, and say you like motorbikes and cycling.

I have no objection to date a lady taller than myself, it'll give me a chance to wear my heels!
Makes it sound like you are either very short or a cross-dresser

I've got one Rolo left, who want's it?*

Would you like my last Rolo? sounds better.