An insult or normal behaviour?

[Jamesworks2hard]

Hi all, I hope I'm putting this in the right place. I don't know what to make of this, is it normal or should I feel offended?

With us hopefully heading towards getting back to some form of normal, I decided to get back onto a dating site, but not the one I used last time. I wrote out my profile, added a few pictures and did everything I'd done before and what is within the rules and regulations on the site. This was at 10am this morning.

I've just logged in and started to browse through the ladies within my selected age group and found about 20% of them had blocked me! I felt mortified and it upset me somewhat. I'm no Greek god, but according to my friends, I have what's called a friendly face with kind eyes, I take that as a compliment.

Are there any other guys on here who use them and would you say that what's happened to me is normal or over the top?

I find the music section and the naming of motor racing venues a bit snobby sounding.

Anyway, ref being "blocked" by 20% of women, I doubt you have been. I think you're confused about how the sites work. Which site is it?

On the ongoing OLD dating thread you can get lots of support to help you doing OLD, including tips from people on how each site works (or doesn't!). Both men and women post there.

Hi OP, I'm a prolific OLDer and I think the 'people watching' is a normal comment, and it certainly wouldn't offend me (in fact I've said the same in my profile)

One question (apologies if I've missed it) - how tall are you? As a tallish woman, height is a deal breaker for me. Though I would just swipe past you, I certainly wouldn't block (unless you'd offended me).

I'd lose the heels comment though - as a PP said it could be misconstrued.

Oh, one more thing. Your use of the word 'insult' in this thread title is a big red flag.

What do you expect from a dating site? Fawning and flattery? Women on a dating site are there to find someone who interests them. They owe other site-users nothing. They're not paid to spend time boosting men's egos. That's a different sort of online male / female interaction altogether.

A woman who is not interested in you is just that. You are irrelevant to her. She is not insulting you. She's not interested enough in you to want to do that. Most women won't be interested in you. If you find a few who are interested enough to go on a date, you're doing well; someone you really get on with, you're lucky.

We've all encountered the kind of men who chat women up in bars and clubs, then, when we decline to let them buy us a drink, or kiss us, or go home with them, become angry and aggressive. Because they feel insulted. Those are not good men.

If I've upset anyone or caused any issue, I apologise, I'm not here to create an "anti-female rant or put women down". I created the thread specifically to look for advice and suggestions, there has been many replies, I've taken them on board and completely deleted my profile and started again. It's now about the quarter of the size it was before and has been tidied up. I've added it below, please let me know what you think.

Hello, I'm very much an active guy, a young at heart 60 year old and retired. I enjoy a bit of gym, walking the dog, salmon fishing, cycling and watching the world go by. I also like finding new pubs/bars to try different food, beers and ales, going to concerts and the cinema.

I really enjoy cooking and think two people can have much more fun in the kitchen than one.

As for sports to watch, for me it has to have 2 wheels and go 200mph, so MotoGP, Superbikes and the TT. I also like to watch cycle racing.

I don't put restrictions on physical appearances, I'm more interested in warmth of character, I'd like to meet a lady who enjoys good conversation, visiting places of interest and enjoying life each and every day. A lady who wants a real relationship, a lady I can fall in love with and spend many happy years with, so I've got one Rolo left, would you like it?

Look forward to meeting you.

No matter what you write, some people will find an issue with it.

No matter who you are or what you look like, some people will find an issue with it.

There's no pleasing everyone.

I can't see anything immediately creepy or inappropriate about what you said, although the people-watching thing could be. I enjoy people-watching too but it can be taken the wrong way.

As it is, just be yourself. That is who you essentially want to be in a relationship, right? May as well give yourself an honest 'ebay listing' as it were. Don't worry about the blocking. The ones who block you arent for you. Saves you wasting any time on them.

Yeah I think that it's hard to create the perfect profile which depicts the real you but like a pp said above you sound really nice in the way you write on here and even I thought wow I'd date him- until I saw you're 30 years older than me- so just write to your crowd of women in the same way you would write to the mums on here. Even though you said you were reaching out to guys, so possibly just write as though you were talking to men. Maybe your profile comes across as you don't feel comfortable being yourself. Just be yourself even if the nerves and shyness is part of that. You don't have to be a perfect epitomy of man, just be the you which someone out there is actually dreaming of.

Hello, I'm very much an active guy, a young at heart 60 year old and retired. I enjoy a bit of gym, walking the dog, salmon fishing, cycling and watching the world go by. I also like finding new pubs/bars to try different food, beers and ales, going to concerts and the cinema.

This is fine but could be made a little more appealing by throwing in a couple of specifics? What sort of dog is it - 'walking my springer spaniel/lurcher/Heinz 47 mutt' creates more of a picture to draw people in. What sort of concerts - classical, rock, both?

I really enjoy cooking and think two people can have much more fun in the kitchen than one.

Again, could you add colour here by mentioning a type of cooking you particularly enjoy?

As for sports to watch, for me it has to have 2 wheels and go 200mph, so MotoGP, Superbikes and the TT. I also like to watch cycle racing.

Yes, fine, you're putting your sports interests on the table. That sort of thing bores me rigid but wouldn't be a deal-breaker - I might try to find out when we got chatting whether this meant occasional watching or your entire life revolving round it and the TV constantly blaring with the drone of motorbikes.

I don't put restrictions on physical appearances, I'm more interested in warmth of character

I like this bit, I'd find it reassuring.

I'd like to meet a lady who enjoys good conversation, visiting places of interest and enjoying life each and every day.

I'd prefer 'woman' to lady, but not a deal breaker. 'Good conversation' and 'places of interest' are a little bit 'goes without saying' - no one enjoys dull conversation or visiting boring places. Just say 'enjoys conversation' and again, can you give examples of where you like visiting - 'enjoys wandering round old castles/museums/nature reserves'.

A lady who wants a real relationship, a lady I can fall in love with and spend many happy years with, so I've got one Rolo left, would you like it? Look forward to meeting you.

Again, I like this - you are making it clear your goal is a long term relationship and it ends positively. I personally can't stand Rolos but I'd probably use that as a basis for a lighthearted remark if you contacted me.

Just a personal critique - feel free to ignore it.

I'm married, but were I looking I'd give you a try based on your profile. I can see from it that all our interests apart from the motorbikes are similar or compatible, and you sound friendly and sane.

It could be something really basic OP. Harsh (and shallow) as it may sound, if I was on a dating site, and someone who was 5ft 7 contacted me, I'd block them. I am not attracted to men shorter than me, no matter how great the rest of the profile may be. I'm not attracted to bald men. I don't want to be with a gym bunny, so 6 packs would deter me.

Likewise, I'm a nice person, but I'll be too thin, too tall, etc for a lot of men to find attractive. That's not their fault, or mine. We all find different things attractive, there's nothing wrong with that. Best to be honest from the start I think and not waste anyone's time.

Not offended at all, just passing the time of day by chatting online and giving feedback intended to be helpful. Words matter, especially when you haven't met the person.

Your revised text is much better. Much more positive and welcoming.

Once again, I thank you for the input, can I ask, is it bad form to say, "I'm looking for some between the age of "" and "" and the height of "" to ""?

Update, can I have your opinions please.

Hello, I'm very much an active guy, a witty and young at heart 60 year old and retired. I enjoy a bit of gym, walking my Border Terrier, salmon fishing, cycling and watching the world go by. I also like finding new pubs/bars to try different food, beers and ales, going to rock concerts and the cinema.

I really enjoy cooking and I think two people can have much more fun in the kitchen than one and the aromas from Indian, Italian or Mexican food with enhance the experience.

I do watch sports, motorcycle and motor racing being my fix, but it's not the be all and end all if I miss it.

I don't put restrictions on physical appearances, I'm more interested in warmth of character, I'd like to meet a woman who enjoys conversation, a coffee or a class of wine or why not both? Visiting places of interest, castles, walks on the beach or in the forest and enjoying life each and every day. A woman who wants a real relationship, who I can fall in love with and spend many happy years with, so I've got one Rolo left, would you like it?

Look forward to meeting you.

Apart from the rolo comment I'd put the last paragraph about what you're looking for in a relationship as the second paragraph- as it will draw more women in sooner. You want to show prospective ladies that it would be more about her rather than more about you.
Tbh the rolo comment makes it sound like you feel that you've only got once chance left at love and it puts a bit of pressure on the reader to committ straight away.

Apart from that it's much more concise and to the point and easier to read.

This version is much better. Glad you got rid of the bit about dipping your toes into lots of different types of music...has connotations of being a player.

Thank you all very much, I've edited and posted the (hopefully) finished article.

Hello, I'm very much an active guy, a witty and young at heart 60 year old and retired. I enjoy a bit of gym, walking my Border Terrier, salmon fishing, cycling and watching the world go by. I also like finding new pubs/bars to try different food, beers and ales, going to rock concerts and the cinema.

I don't put restrictions on physical appearances, I'm more interested in warmth of character, I'd like to meet a woman who enjoys conversation, a coffee or a class of wine or why not both? Visiting places of interest, castles, walks on the beach or in the forest and enjoying life each and every day. A woman who wants a real relationship, who I can fall in love with and spend many happy years with.

I really enjoy cooking and I think two people can have much more fun in the kitchen than one and the aromas from Indian, Italian or Mexican food with enhance the experience.

I do watch sports, motorcycle and motor racing being my fix, but it's not the be all and end all if I miss it.

Look forward to meeting you.

Yes, I think that's spot on. I noticed a couple of typos (in case you were going to cut and paste) -

'class' of wine

'Mexican food with enhance the experience' - rogue 'with' in that sentence.

Best of luck with meeting the right woman .

Just popped back and caught up with the re-writes since yesterday. This last version is SO MUCH better! It gives an impression of a kind, sane, friendly guy which is consistent with the way you come across in your other posts, the advice to make your OLD reflective of your natural style was spot on. Best of luck, I hope you find someone lovely.

Surely you don't need to put the age parameters as you put them in the choices part and the software only shows you people in that range anyway?
Thus, people don't see the unattractive trait of wanting women ten years younger but only two years older - it just happens in the background.

Not sure how you can put "height from.....to....." and later say you don't put restrictions on physical appearance......

@Jamesworks2hard

Thank you all very much, I've edited and posted the (hopefully) finished article.

Hello, I'm very much an active guy, a witty and young at heart 60 year old and retired. I enjoy a bit of gym, walking my Border Terrier, salmon fishing, cycling and watching the world go by. I also like finding new pubs/bars to try different food, beers and ales, going to rock concerts and the cinema.

I don't put restrictions on physical appearances, I'm more interested in warmth of character, I'd like to meet a woman who enjoys conversation, a coffee or a class of wine or why not both? Visiting places of interest, castles, walks on the beach or in the forest and enjoying life each and every day. A woman who wants a real relationship, who I can fall in love with and spend many happy years with.

I really enjoy cooking and I think two people can have much more fun in the kitchen than one and the aromas from Indian, Italian or Mexican food with enhance the experience.

I do watch sports, motorcycle and motor racing being my fix, but it's not the be all and end all if I miss it.

Look forward to meeting you.

This is so much better ! Good luck !

You're welcome. Wishing you happiness and maybe your future partner is on dadsnet right now asking for edits on her profile!

I did a lot of OLD and actually met dh online.
The revised one sounds a lot better, the people watching sounded creepy in your original.
You sound a nice man, good luck!

Thank you all, once more, the typo's are probably down to the fibro, I can tell you, with all the editing and looking at letters and number today, I'm knackered.

Thank you.

I'm in my 20s but my god, the last bit about heels and the rolo nooooo

Are you very short? Is that you're way of communicating that? The rolo bit just no.. not funny, comes across as childish

@JackieWeaverFever

The people watching is creepy AF. Sorry. not sorry

Also get rid of the cycling and fishing chat unless it's a true passion of yours.

WTF! How is people watching “creepy af”?? It’s a perfectly normal thing to enjoy observing other humans.

@Jamesworks2hard your profile sounds fine to me, and I don’t get the drive to remove all personality and preferences from a OLD profile. If it’s so anodyne, what would make you stand out from anyone else? 🤷🏻‍♀️