'You're not qualified to have an opinion'

[justab]

Is it normal for my partner to say things like this to me if I comment on things? Such as a tv show he is watching when he asks me a question. I can't tell if I'm sensitive or if he's just horrible and trying to stop me from being a person. I'm so sick of it, I have a 7mo baby and these comments have got more frequent since I have birth. I feel worthless.

No, he’s being a fucking arsehole.

You are not worthless. Not in the slightest.

Do you think someone who loves you would say something like that?

He’s a dickhead

I'd be leaving if my partner said that to me

He is a weak little shit who needs to big himself up by putting you down. He isn't someone you want to spend time with.

Thanks for replying.
Apparently I'm too sensitive.
I'm just sick of it. Everything is a subtle put down. I know it is but it's hard to make him see the bigger picture when it's lots of little things. Tonight I've just come to bed because that comment was just one too many and it's really upset me

Pregnancy and birth of first child is often when domestic abuse starts, OP, as you are at home, dependent and vulnerable. It begins with verbal and emotional abuse, but often escalates to coercive control, financial abuse and finally violence.
I think you need to establish clear boundaries- make plain that you will not tolerate such treatment, that you deserve respect, and that you will be leaving if you don’t receive it.

There is nothing normal or acceptable about this. He is degrading you, and I would be very alarmed at this level of contempt. Get rid of him before this abuse impacts your child.

You really don't have to live like this. Make a stand, mean it, split if necessary.

Very soon your LO will be old enough to understand what's being said. He's not a good partner or father if he treats you like this. Please leave for you and your LO.

Maybe it's just that I have too much to say? I feel like he wants to silence me, I've always been an outspoken person who enjoys talking to people but I feel like maybe I'm too opinionated and should just keep the peace and not say anything? He has some pretty unusual views so it's hard not to say anything sometimes when it goes against my values or the constant critique of how I care for our baby

My DH started on this tack when I retired and was at home, despite me being so much more qualified on paper than he was. I’m of the age and confidence to give him as good in return though and he stops. Your partner is using your vulnerability to gain the upper hand and control how you feel.
This can only escalate into worse if he can’t be made to realise what it is doing to your relationship. If it doesn’t stop or gets worse I would leave him. You certainly don’t want a child to think that that behaviour is normal or should be put up with. Good luck.

No, it is not you, it’s him. He is not a nice person.

I know it is but it's hard to make him see the bigger picture when it's lots of little things

You don't have to make him see the bigger picture, he won't get it anyway. You are free to leave any relationship you want, just tell him he makes you miserable.

Maybe it's just that I have too much to say? I feel like he wants to silence me, I've always been an outspoken person who enjoys talking to people but I feel like maybe I'm too opinionated and should just keep the peace and not say anything

I'm very outspoken. My DH laughs about it and we talk and laugh a lot. You know that you shouldn't have to keep quiet to keep the peace in your own home. That's no example to be setting your child.

Just tell him "neither are you" and laugh

He sounds like a complete twat. Who the hell does he think he is? You are as qualified as him to have an opinion.

Don't put up with it. Dump him if it continues. Your child should not grow up seeing their mother regularly abused and treated with such disrespect by their father.

Huh?

If I understand your post it goes

Him. This TV prog seems to be pretty realistic about thingy. What do you think
You. Hmm no I don't think it is because blah
Him. You're not qualified to have an opinion

He has unusual views? Is he a conspiracy theorist?

Such as a tv show he is watching when he asks me a question

Why does he ask you a question if he doesn't want your opinion? Or if he's so rude.

Has he always been like this and you let it slide?

God no, you don't have too much to say. And even if you did, you don't have to spend your life with someone who doesn't appreciate you.

I know the thought of leaving with a small baby and (maybe ?) financially dependant while on mat leave must be difficult, but this is no way to live in your own home. I hope you stay safe. Can you escape to a relative's place for a few days and see how you feel about staying with him or leaving him ? You can also try to talk to him but he'll probably try to gaslight you or convince you you're being too sensitive (you're not. If it's no big deal then he can stop doing it).

This started for me after I had our first baby, I wish I’d got out then. Don’t be me. Don’t leave it too late

Soo he constantly criticises you and belittles you. He has unusual opinions and you think you should maybe shut up and let him have his way, and maybe try to stop being yourself as well.

Does this sound like love to you, op?

Is your baby a daughter? Do you want your dc to grow up thinking women should shut the fuck up and be treated like they're worthless by their men? (is that what you grew up with?)

You're supposed to be equal, respectful partners in life, treated with love and respect. It's not normal to be belittled and treated with contempt.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion! Whether that opinion should become national policy or similar is dependent on how qualified you are - so my opinion on which covid vaccine the NHS should buy most of should not have an impact on the decision because I’m not a dr, a pharmacist, a epidemiologist or a vaccine researcher! That doesn’t mean I can’t have a discussion about it with friends or family. Your husband is being horrible to you. It sounds like his thinks he is entitled to an opinion on everything whether or not he has training and qualifications in that area and you are not, even on things where you are an expert - like the behavior and habits of your own baby!

Forgive me if I am wrong. You said in your second post you're opinionated and outspoken?

How did the conversation come about? Were you criticising something he was watching?

If my husband started criticising something I was watching and enjoying on TV. I possibly would get defensive as i would see it as an attack on my personality.

This is shit = you're enjoying it = you're shit.

Tbf my husband doesnt criticise me at all but just trying to work out why he responded like it...Is he a twat or was he being defensive? If defensive then i think you have a part to play in this. If a twat then yeah he's abusive.

He's showing you who he is, he's starting to emotionally abuse you when you're at your most vulnerable OP. He's a mysogynist at best and a controlling bully who could we'll turn violent.

Good partners don't do this. They step up and support you. He's taking advantage of the fact you're vulnerable to pull you down. Think about that.

My exH used to follow almost every statement I made with 'not really' yet when pressed as to his superior insight, he had nothing. He just wanted to undermine and belittle me, despite me being a considerable higher earner. (That was probably the trigger in hindsight) he even tried to say that because I worked for myself and had an employed position, the money I earned from my business 'didnt count' despite it being double his regular income.

I divorced him after 3 years. Don't leave it that long. It doesn't improve.