Page 2 | 'You're not qualified to have an opinion'

justab · 2021-03-11T23:46:28+00:00

Is it normal for my partner to say things like this to me if I comment on things? Such as a tv show he is watching when he asks me a question. I can't tell if I'm sensitive or if he's just horrible and trying to stop me from being a person. I'm so sick of it, I have a 7mo baby and these comments have got more frequent since I have birth. I feel worthless.

Shoxfordian · 12/03/2021 07:08

He clearly doesn’t respect you
He should like hearing your opinions and want to know what you think about the world. Can you consider leaving him?

Treacletoots · 12/03/2021 07:11

Just to add. When I served the divorce papers, he sent me a message in Klingon, which apparently translates to 'you have no honour'

Fucking moron. But hope this at least makes you smile.

DownTownAbbey · 12/03/2021 07:23

I've always been an outspoken person who enjoys talking to people

So he met you, dated you, married you and impregnated you whilst you were an 'outspoken person' but now he objects to you being you?

I'm afraid he's started on the abusers checklist. Trapped by first baby? Check. Begin erroding victims sense of self. Check.

I'm sorry but he's not the man you thought you married. Don't allow him to diminish you.

DownTownAbbey · 12/03/2021 07:25

Just to add. When I served the divorce papers, he sent me a message in Klingon, which apparently translates to 'you have no honour

I spat out my coffee!

KihoBebiluPute · 12/03/2021 07:29

Put-downs like that are abusive and nasty. He is aiming to destroy your self-confidence to make you more reliant on him, and ge is succeeding. You need to get out of there.

There are contexts where "you're not qualified to have an opinion" is valid. Eg if a woman has an unplanned pregnancy then absolutely everyone else who isn't that specific woman is not qualified to have an opinion on what she should do. That kind of scenario is clearly not the case here op. Your thoughts and opinions are valid and you deserve so much more than this.

EarthSight · 12/03/2021 07:33

@Treacletoots

Just to add. When I served the divorce papers, he sent me a message in Klingon, which apparently translates to 'you have no honour'

Fucking moron. But hope this at least makes you smile.

@Treacletoots There's got to me more to this story. Was he a big Star Trek fan then?

Amdone123 · 12/03/2021 07:34

There's a better life out there for you, op.

wewereliars · 12/03/2021 07:41

Treacletoots message in Klingon! goodness you are very well rid there.

MarshmallowAra · 12/03/2021 07:47

He has some pretty unusual views

Examples?

Pokske · 12/03/2021 07:53

He's probably jealous of the baby, and of you because you gave birth and he didn't.
Men can be like that. Then they begin degrading you to feel more powerfull. It's because they are weak that thy degrade.
Don't stay at the receiving end of this man's violence. You are not oversensitive, you are a new mom and you deserve respect.
If e.g. he was watching a programme on special buildings and he works in construction, okay, he knows about the topic. But is it's just "any" programme, he doesn't know any more than you and should not degrade you.
Be strong ! Good luck !

youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/03/2021 07:56

Is he into conspiracy theories?

EarthSight · 12/03/2021 08:24

I used to hate it when my partner used to walk by my computer and rudely say to me 'No one cares!' when he used to see me writing posts online or sharing my opinion. He used to say it was 'a joke' and just something that guys said to each other for something similar to banter I guess. I used to ignore it mostly, thinking he was jokingly baiting me, but when our relationship derailed I began to notice these things more & more. He used to look unsettled sometimes when he used to see me being passionate about something and typing it out and that's when this 'No one cares' comment used to come out. He spent years sharing his opinions on online, on forums and Twitter.....yet I never, ever said this to him. It didn't even cross my mind. I think this dismissive comment was his way of expressing his insecurity, or trying to assert dominance and making me feel small, making me question if anyone would be interested in what I had to say at all. You see, he was allowed to share his opinion, because naturally he was right and his opinion was important and mattered, but somehow, it used to unsettle him a bit seeing me share mine. This is bizarre, because he always claimed he liked the fact I thought about things and had opinions, and the opinions I was sharing were very similar or often identical to his on mamy matters........so why the issue? What makes me more confident about this, that it wasn't just a 'joke' is that this comment fit into a larger pattern of his behaviour.

So, do you think this behaviour fits into a larger pattern of his towards you? Does he share his opinion on things on TV OP? Things that he isn't 'qualified' in either? Is this an issue with people he has generally in life? Does he say it about friends or family or guests on TV? Or is it specifically directed towards you (not that this would excuse it much).

The answer to these questions could tell you what's going on here. The problem might not be someone not being qualified. The problem is with you have any opinion and him wanting to assert his dominance over you by making you feel small.

AaSaat · 12/03/2021 08:34

You know its a problem when you start to question yourself and think 'is it me?'

Just tell him politely in Klingon to sort himself out!

FTEngineerM · 12/03/2021 08:40

You can’t jump to the ‘it’s abuse’ scenario without knowing context.

If I was watching something I found interesting, maybe a documentary about ‘great bridges of the world’ or whatever and my partner being ‘outspoken and chatty’ was criticising the designs/saying things that weren’t true about how safe they need to be/materials used I’d probably say the same. Would it be vindictive or abusive.. no. Factual.

If you were talking about piers Morgan leaving GMB and having a general current affairs chat then yes.. that sucks and anyone has the ability to form an opinion.

There are obviously ways of framing it ‘ let’s leave that to the experts ey?’ Or something but that certainly isn’t abuse.

Orchidflower1 · 12/03/2021 08:41

The answer to these questions could tell you what's going on here. The problem might not be someone not being qualified. The problem is with you have any opinion and him wanting to assert his dominance over you by making you feel small.

^^

Everyone is entitled to an opinion on anything.

I have an opinion on a vast array of things.....

Underwired bras- uncomfortable but necessary.

Wheely bins- bloody noisy when they fall over and stink when full but you get loads in.

Your DH- feeling threatening and like he’s lost control- of you.

@justab your opinion is worth something- think about that.💐

BunnyRuddington · 12/03/2021 08:43

Just to add. When I served the divorce papers, he sent me a message in Klingon, which apparently translates to 'you have no honour

If there was ever a way of confirming that you'd done the right thing!

LancesGold · 12/03/2021 08:48

He's horrible op. You and your DD deserve better Do you want her to grow up watching her mother being verbally abused? There's a better life out there for you both?

Unusual views? Is he a conspiracy theorist by any chance?

VodselForDinner · 12/03/2021 08:51

When I was 19, my then-boyfriend told me I was too opinionated. This was after I made a very minor comment about a band’s new album not being as good as their previous one.

It escalated to basically him telling me that women know nothing and I needed to know my place because it was embarrassing for him having someone who disagreed with him in front of his friends.

I dumped him so fast, I like to think he’s still standing there with his mouth hanging open.

Red flags all over this one, OP.

MarshmallowAra · 12/03/2021 08:58

@FTEngineerM

You can’t jump to the ‘it’s abuse’ scenario without knowing context.

If I was watching something I found interesting, maybe a documentary about ‘great bridges of the world’ or whatever and my partner being ‘outspoken and chatty’ was criticising the designs/saying things that weren’t true about how safe they need to be/materials used I’d probably say the same. Would it be vindictive or abusive.. no. Factual.

If you were talking about piers Morgan leaving GMB and having a general current affairs chat then yes.. that sucks and anyone has the ability to form an opinion.

There are obviously ways of framing it ‘ let’s leave that to the experts ey?’ Or something but that certainly isn’t abuse.

There's always one.

Even if it were about a technical, specialist subject in which the op's partner is an expert and op is a layperson ..... A polite, kind, respectful person would never expesss it like that.

And I bet that wasn't the scenario.

It's derogatory/dismissive and unpleasant - don't try to argue it's anything but. Honestly I think some posters just enjoy being contrary

GreenBalaclava · 12/03/2021 08:58

OP, I'm a chatty outspoken person too. My DH has never once said this to me. Ever. In 23 years. Because he respects my opinion even when he doesn't agree with me.

LemmysAceCard · 12/03/2021 08:58

Treacleroots, You should have back to him in Klingon with their most famous saying -

Today is a good day to die

Might have given him some inspiration.

FTEngineerM · 12/03/2021 08:59

I said that @MarshmallowAra the last sentence but I don’t think you can judge based on one side which doesn’t contain the whole story.

MarshmallowAra · 12/03/2021 09:00

And I bet the "unusual views" are bull shite of the highest order, while he's convinced he's a fkg genius.

Original poster

justab · 12/03/2021 09:02

Hi everyone.
For those asking - yes it would appear that he has taken on some conspiracy views since covid. The conversation wasn't about that- I stay so far away from that it's unreal as I don't want the fallout.

And for clarity on the situation- when I said I was outspoken I was trying to give insight into my personality and the person I have always been that he met.

I have a son which I think is worse because I wouldn't want a boy being brought up thinking he can treat women like they are beneath him.

As far as the conversation went. I was tired, I had just finished sorting some things for the baby for tomorrow etc and was ready to go to bed. He was watching some programme about aliens and asked me what I though. I basically said it's something like 'we just don't know do we' when he asked me how some Crystal skull thing came to earth- ?? I hadn't even watched this and had no idea what he was saying really. I honestly thought I was being uncontroversial because I didn't want a debate with someone who will tell me 'no' and then give him opinion. He does it about my field of work- because apparently I work for the government so I'm just doubt what I'm told and not a 'free thinker'

OP posts:

KarensChoppyBob · 12/03/2021 09:04

I'll never cease to be amazed at what some women are subjected to in relationships.

As PP said, it's when they feel they've got you trapped that abusers show their true colours.

He is showing contempt for you.

And you say there are many other comments too, so sorry OP but you can have my first ever LTB.