I've caved in...

[LionMother]

DH agreed to provide all meals this weekend (including a take-away at some point) to give me a break from cooking. I provide all lunches and cook home-made dinner everyday. I went back to work this week too so I expect this aspect of home life to be shared, although not 50:50.
It's now 13:05 and no lunch has appeared. DH is happily mowing the lawn without a care in the world that his children need to eat some lunch.
I've caved in and put fish fingers and hand cut chips into the oven. I've sling a couple of jackets in there for DH and I but he can sort out whatever topping he likes.
Seriously... he's obviously forgotten but what the hell? Why can't he take on some responsibility as to feeding our children? Why does it always end up with me having to be the grown up who remembers such things?? I do it everyday and accept this is my role as mother but he specifically agreed to take this off me for today to give me a mental break.
I wonder how he'd cope if I ended up in hospital for a week... or even if I went away for the weekend (when we're allowed). I feel like I can't trust him to do the basics. I always have to remind him about cleaning their teeth and giving vitamin when it's his turn in the morning. Children are 5 and 6.
Just ranting really...

@toolatetofixate well the one with the penis here doesn't know how to build and plumb a custom shower tray.

Nor does he know how to knit. But that's ok because when we need a jumper or a shower tray, we pay for a professional. And actually as he doesn't live with me, it's a mute point but we help each other out when we're in each other's homes.

That is very different from the multitude of tasks that everyone knows how to do and that are necessary and constant. It sounds petty when you just talk about one task but it is repeated thousands of times and it is only fair that everyone pulls their weight and it isn't always the woman.

So stop it with your torn faced bullshit. I know exactly what she means and it is unfair.

Wow. If OH specifically mentioned dealing with weekend meals and then 'forgot' I would be livid.
Specifically as OP is back at work full time and has previously dealt with all the meals.

Fucking hell. If he's not going to do it, don't volunteer it. Makes it worse when he ends up not doing it, specially as kids are too young to sort out their own meals.

[quote Sakurami]@toolatetofixate well the one with the penis here doesn't know how to build and plumb a custom shower tray.

Nor does he know how to knit. But that's ok because when we need a jumper or a shower tray, we pay for a professional. And actually as he doesn't live with me, it's a mute point but we help each other out when we're in each other's homes.

That is very different from the multitude of tasks that everyone knows how to do and that are necessary and constant. It sounds petty when you just talk about one task but it is repeated thousands of times and it is only fair that everyone pulls their weight and it isn't always the woman.

So stop it with your torn faced bullshit. I know exactly what she means and it is unfair.[/quote]

The tasks and skills are irrelevant. OP is being precious and looking for things to be fucked off about. Those on this thread making this about penises and vaginas rather than partnerships are childish. Some people are just determined to have a hard time even when everything is fine.

And the phrase is "moot point".

Just re-read the last few posts and apparently the OP is a torn-faced PITA?

Imagine you're at work and a colleague volunteers to cover a task you have done for the past few months, specifically to give you a break. Then when it comes down to it they were busy doing something completely different.
How would you react?

@ShallWeStartTheMeeting

Just re-read the last few posts and apparently the OP is a torn-faced PITA?

Imagine you're at work and a colleague volunteers to cover a task you have done for the past few months, specifically to give you a break. Then when it comes down to it they were busy doing something completely different.
How would you react?

If they had taken over responsibility for that task I would leave them to it instead of hovering and micromanaging to make sure that they do it my way and to my schedule.

I have to admit in 25 years of being a parent, my DC have never had a cooked lunch at home, never mind had cut chips( these should be deep fried anyway) or laid the table for lunch.
Drama over nothing, wee sandwich would suffice after kids reminded Dad they were starved.

Issue is two kids who need feeding.
If it was just the 2 of them OP could have happily ignored it.
How convenient for OP's partner to forget he has children who are young enough to need feeding at certain times.

I'm genuinely surprised people think the OP is difficult.

I've been feeding my family throughout two lockdowns.
The idea of 2 days without having to even think about making food is a blissful dream right now.
If it was dangled in front of me and then taken away I would be probably be moving out .

Kids are 5 and 6. At that age they eat at certain times- would you be OK if you found out school gave them lunch at random times cos they couldn't be bothered to feed them to a schedule?

@toolatetofixate thanks for the language lesson. English is just one of the 5 languages I speak, but actually this is a forum and I'm just typing quickly on my phone and not checking what I have written.

It doesn't make what you write any less ridiculous.

The OP's husband said that this weekend he'd take charge of the meals. He didn't. Why? Because she is the default parent and he can just dip in and out when he pleases. And what does that mean ultimately? That op never gets a break.

[quote Sakurami]@toolatetofixate thanks for the language lesson. English is just one of the 5 languages I speak, but actually this is a forum and I'm just typing quickly on my phone and not checking what I have written.

It doesn't make what you write any less ridiculous.

The OP's husband said that this weekend he'd take charge of the meals. He didn't. Why? Because she is the default parent and he can just dip in and out when he pleases. And what does that mean ultimately? That op never gets a break.[/quote]

That's no problem. I speak 3 languages and enjoy learning where I'm making mistakes. Glad I could help.

Tack on another meal that he owes you at the end of the week. When he thinks he’s finished, and expecting his medal, add up the ones he’s missed as tell him when he’s REALLY done.

I say that whoever is preparing the lunch, gets to choose the time you eat lunch.

You can’t have it both ways

...... basically, you can’t say you want him to do it, but you want it done your way.

at hand-cut chips.

@Kintsugi16

I say that whoever is preparing the lunch, gets to choose the time you eat lunch.

You can’t have it both ways

That’s fair when it’s adults but when there are children involved it’s not on. When it’s just me at home I can happily skip lunch so when it’s my turn to do lunch when everyone’s home can we skip it?

@toolatetofixate there is a vast difference from doing to skilled job to feeding your children. I can do all of the manual jobs you mention, my exH couldn’t do any of them. Does that make me a better man then him? It’s nonsense, the ops DH should have known to be aware of lunch time and I think the shrugging at the table is indicative of the issue the OP actually has. If one of us here had forgotten to do something we’d promised we’d be apologetic.

@LionMother I wouldn’t have made lunch but I would have sent the children out or gone out myself and I would have reminded him.

I do think OP sounds a bit martyred with the hand cut chips, but I equally think men are often keen to go and cut the grass/wash the car etc at weekends because they either want to avoid the dullness of basic, 7-days-a-week tasks like feeding children, or it simply doesn’t occur to them that they should be involved in doing those things.

@scubadub

Fishfingers and chips in the oven... it's hardly cooking is it OP.

Hand cut chips 😂

@Singlenotsingle

Not sure why it's such a big issue, just chucking fish fingers and chips in the oven? Dh is mowing the grass, not snoozing or playing computer games! You could have gone out and said you'd cut the grass while he did the lunch (or is that missing the point).

Missing the point big time!!!!!!

Over the last 12 months with the pandemic and so many of my female friends are exasperated by having to come up with 3 meals, endless snacks 7 days a week. Not one male friend has mentioned it. I know some of my friend's husbands are the cooks in the family but mostly it falls down to the women. Despite both working from home.

Yes, it is no big deal making a few sandwiches once. Making them day in day out and having responsibility for all the little things that amount to a lot every day is different.

My boyfriend can and does cook. Despite me doing the majority because I know what my kids will eat, when he's seen I'm busy, he's offered to cook - asked my kids what they'd like to eat, gone shopping and made the meal. I never experienced that with my exes, they would have been of the same mentality as OP's husband and always had something more important to do. Just knowing that your parent will take care of what needs doing and do a good job is immense. I mean it should be normal and not the exception. All it is is fairness and equality.

@Sakurami

Over the last 12 months with the pandemic and so many of my female friends are exasperated by having to come up with 3 meals, endless snacks 7 days a week. Not one male friend has mentioned it. I know some of my friend's husbands are the cooks in the family but mostly it falls down to the women. Despite both working from home.

Yes, it is no big deal making a few sandwiches once. Making them day in day out and having responsibility for all the little things that amount to a lot every day is different.

My boyfriend can and does cook. Despite me doing the majority because I know what my kids will eat, when he's seen I'm busy, he's offered to cook - asked my kids what they'd like to eat, gone shopping and made the meal. I never experienced that with my exes, they would have been of the same mentality as OP's husband and always had something more important to do. Just knowing that your parent will take care of what needs doing and do a good job is immense. I mean it should be normal and not the exception. All it is is fairness and equality.

Completely agree with this. The issue here is that the OP is saying one thing and then sabotaging it immediately by cooking. It was 13.05 not midnight. Its perfectly reasonable to go and ask whats for lunch? Yes annoying that he appeared to have forgotten but a reasonable conversation could then have followed that actually we would prefer lunch earlier going forward. No rage or micro managing needed.

Probably pages of why should she ask him ?
He needs to take responsibility.
Yep but she also needs to allow him to take responsibility

Did the kids even say they were hungry?
Or is it your schedule that Lunch MUST be served at 13:00. Not 13:05 or 13:30?
Maybe he wanted to finish the grass and not track grass cuttings into the kitchen? But you didn't ask. You just put on your martyr face, huffed into the kitchen, fixed fish fingers, and complained to mumsnet that you have to do Everything.

If I were your husband I would want to stay outside too.

"He was mowing the lawn without a care in the world"

Well OP certainly has tickets on herself! What back breaking tasks is she doing that make mowing a lawn sound like free time?

The Martyr vibes are strong with this one

Also the tragedy of it being PAST ONE O'CLOCK PM & CHILDREN NOT FED! How dare he. How very dare he.

Imagine if a bloke criticised the woman for it being 1.05PM & children should be fed by 12.30

Get a grip OP seriously. Life is for living!

My DH LOVES mowing the bloody lawn. He loves it so much he is constantly volunteering to mow other people’s bloody lawns. It’s a great way to get out of folding the clothes, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming the floor, (talking to his children) etc.

@justilou1 That doesn't mean mowing the lawn is not a legimitate chore.

It means he likes this chore

If he is mowing neighbours lawns it must be a chore for them to do, otherwise they would want to do it themselves

Also do YOU like mowing lawns & want this chore over laundry ? Then say so.

Some people are better at seeing things like an unkept lawn than a floor needing vacuuming.

This doesn't mean mowing the lawn is actually a leisure activity.

I mean he may have deliberately chosen something noisy and “Dad-only” to make a statement and avoid the lunch rush

@justilou1

My DH LOVES mowing the bloody lawn. He loves it so much he is constantly volunteering to mow other people’s bloody lawns. It’s a great way to get out of folding the clothes, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming the floor, (talking to his children) etc.

Why would this mean he gets out of doing those things? I enjoy going to the supermarket, it doesnt mean thats all I get to do. If you actually mean that he spends 4 hours mowing the lawn, chatting, radio on, pissing about then kick his arse ! If hes wasting time to avoid other chores In that case his share would still be waiting for him