I've caved in...

[LionMother]

DH agreed to provide all meals this weekend (including a take-away at some point) to give me a break from cooking. I provide all lunches and cook home-made dinner everyday. I went back to work this week too so I expect this aspect of home life to be shared, although not 50:50.
It's now 13:05 and no lunch has appeared. DH is happily mowing the lawn without a care in the world that his children need to eat some lunch.
I've caved in and put fish fingers and hand cut chips into the oven. I've sling a couple of jackets in there for DH and I but he can sort out whatever topping he likes.
Seriously... he's obviously forgotten but what the hell? Why can't he take on some responsibility as to feeding our children? Why does it always end up with me having to be the grown up who remembers such things?? I do it everyday and accept this is my role as mother but he specifically agreed to take this off me for today to give me a mental break.
I wonder how he'd cope if I ended up in hospital for a week... or even if I went away for the weekend (when we're allowed). I feel like I can't trust him to do the basics. I always have to remind him about cleaning their teeth and giving vitamin when it's his turn in the morning. Children are 5 and 6.
Just ranting really...

I agree with the pp's who have said it's not your job to bloody remind him what time the kids usually eat, ffs he's lived with them in the house for the same length of time you have, hasn't he ? Is he not able to tell the time ?

But you also need to acknowledge that the strict adherence to 'your' routine may be too restrictive. Your DC hadn't even asked about lunch, had they ? So is it just that you were 'clock watching' ?

If you had perhaps not been so quick to 'rectify' his 'mistake', without so much as a quick chat with him, you might have had a different outcome perhaps ?

@toolatetofixate

Just seems petty. I'd much rather put fish fingers on than cut the grass. He sounds like he pulls his weight. Some women are just desperate to pick a fight.

Agree with this. Must have taken all of 2 minutes to put fish fingers and a couple of spuds in the oven.

@WorraLiberty

I know lots of people will say you shouldn't have to remind him but if you've been providing all lunches and dinners up until now, he may well need a reminder until he starts to factor it into his day.

Communicate with him rather than being a martyr.

I agree with this. If he isn't used to it then he probably did genuinely forget. Also I understand why you put food in for your dc but not why you put something in for your dh. If you're fed up of doing all the cooking then at least leave him to do his own.

Hand cut chips being thrown in does make it seem like your desperately trying to present yourself as slaving away and it is a bit martyr-like tbh.

I'd of gone out and said the kids and I are wanting lunch, that simple.

Hand maidens out in force today I see. OP, I get it.

Time to sit him down and describe the mental load. The cartoon is great if he needs pictures.

Fishfingers and chips in the oven... it's hardly cooking is it OP.

Why didn’t you just remind him to do it??

God lighten up OP. He’s busy mowing the lawn and forgot what time it is so you decided to put some freezer food in the oven. It’s not difficult is it, hardly grounds for a fight unless there’s a huge backstory where he’s generally a lazy arse who leaves everything to you.

@Tangohead

Why didn’t you just remind him to do it??

Who would remind the OP to do that? Her mum? Why cant the DH remember? Its not as if he forgot to pay the milkman, I mean knowing that children need to have fairly regular meals is surely something you acknowledge, even if you are struggling with a penis and a lawnmower?

Surely you should have sent the dc to prompt him? I happily send mine to dh!

The only way round this OP is to let him fail - no reminders, no rescues. I had to do this with my otherwise lovely dh. We both learnt something - me that the kids were actually more flexible than I thought, him to bloody remember meal times. Kids survived.

I am often flexible but expecting the kids to wait until past 13:30 for their lunch isn't acceptable in my bed given that they usually eat around 12/12:30

Counterpoint: it is acceptable. What will actually be the consequence of this shocking deviation from your rigid schedule?

If there is a consequence, like the kids getting hungry and wanting lunch NOW - well that is his consequence to deal with. Not yours to pre-empt.

This would/does drive me mad.

My DH is wonderful at many things and absolutely does his fair share of domestic stuff (we both work) but he has a real blind spot about feeding the children. It does piss me off at the that the unspoken expectation is that meals are covered by me. He is capable of cooking and perfectly happy to, but left to his own devices would not think to feed the children until they were gnawing at his ankles if I am also at home but busy doing something else (if I am not there, he gets on with it). My DH is also really bad at reading their hunger cues.

So I feel your pain - especially as your DH explicitly said he was going to do it.

I mean knowing that children need to have fairly regular meals is surely something you acknowledge, even if you are struggling with a penis and a lawnmower?

In this scenario I would wait until the kids told me they were hungry then then tell them "daddy is in charge of lunch today, go and let him know you're hungry".

DH always takes the bins out. If, all of a sudden, I took it on as one of my jobs then I imagine I would need reminding the first couple of times. It's not the end of the world.

OP I think you're being a drama queen and a martyr. Sorry 🤷‍♀️

Why fish fingers, chips and jacket potatoes just make a sandwich! What's the point in moaning on here, send the kids out to tell Dad they're hungry and you carry on hoovering or whatever.

I don't get having to have a week off of cooking can't you just split chores?

Set alarms for him in his phone for a while or a shock collar.

I see so many posts with people complaining about their other half not doing something...but I am amazed their first thought is to do it themselves and post a complaint on mumsnet - when it would make more sense to just remind their partner of the agreement.

I get it OP. However I think you should have either sent a child out to ask him, or said something to him, or done nothing. Even if they kids are getting hungry, it won't kill them and nothing will ever change if you do it.

@Shelovesamystery

In this scenario I would wait until the kids told me they were hungry then then tell them "daddy is in charge of lunch today, go and let him know you're hungry".

DH always takes the bins out. If, all of a sudden, I took it on as one of my jobs then I imagine I would need reminding the first couple of times. It's not the end of the world.

OP I think you're being a drama queen and a martyr. Sorry 🤷‍♀️

Yep. Complete drama queen. My husband takes the bins out. He's working away at the moment and I've had to look up the bin collection times and set reminders on my phone otherwise I'll forget to unlock them and get them out. Whenever the reminder goes off I still think "I wonder what that's for" before I check. Forget every time.

@LionMother

DH agreed to provide all meals this weekend (including a take-away at some point) to give me a break from cooking. I provide all lunches and cook home-made dinner everyday. I went back to work this week too so I expect this aspect of home life to be shared, although not 50:50. It's now 13:05 and no lunch has appeared. DH is happily mowing the lawn without a care in the world that his children need to eat some lunch. I've caved in and put fish fingers and hand cut chips into the oven. I've sling a couple of jackets in there for DH and I but he can sort out whatever topping he likes. Seriously... he's obviously forgotten but what the hell? Why can't he take on some responsibility as to feeding our children? Why does it always end up with me having to be the grown up who remembers such things?? I do it everyday and accept this is my role as mother but he specifically agreed to take this off me for today to give me a mental break. I wonder how he'd cope if I ended up in hospital for a week... or even if I went away for the weekend (when we're allowed). I feel like I can't trust him to do the basics. I always have to remind him about cleaning their teeth and giving vitamin when it's his turn in the morning. Children are 5 and 6. Just ranting really...

Why didnt you just ask him where lunch was? 13.05 is hardly that late?

Yeah, I'm also rolling my eyes at "hand cut chips".

Anyway, moving the lawn is a fairly acceptable excuse, although having agreed to provide all the meals for the weekend (presumably two main ones and four smaller ones), and having opted for takeaway for one of the main meals, to then forget lunch on the first day of the weekend is a bit pathetic.

Couldn't you have reminded him rather than martyring yourself?

I'd have sent the kids out to tell their Dad they're hungry.

Don't be a martyr OP.