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Original poster

How do you feel about your DP watching porn when you’re around?

88 replies

Mandofan · 04/03/2021 17:25

I’ve nc for this. So I guess you could say I ‘caught’ my dp earlier. Needed the bathroom and he looked sheepish when he came out with his iPad. Asked why he has it as he never takes it with him and I’m not an idiot. He initially said he was checking emails then admitted he was ‘about to have a tug’ ugh. I don’t know why but it’s really upset me. I know he watches it when I’m not around and I’m fine with that I guess. But him watching it when I’m in the next room has left me feeling like shit and I’m not entirely sure why? I told him I found it disrespectful. Am I overreacting? How do others feel about their partners watching porn when they’re around?

OP posts:
Aria2015 · 04/03/2021 17:36

I don't know if my dh watches porn, we've never discussed it and I'd prefer not to know really. But in your shoes it would bother me If I caught him having a wank when we just at home together. There are lots of opportunities to 'have a tug' more privately, like in the shower or if you're asleep and he's still up, to do it when you're both around, suggests that the urge to look at porn and have a wank was so strong it couldn't wait until a more private time and I think that is what would bother me.

peak2021 · 04/03/2021 17:39

If someone cannot use their imagination, wants to support the exploitation of young women and the normalisation of certain sexual practices that most women would not otherwise consider, that would be a deal breaker for me.

sapphired · 04/03/2021 18:22

I couldn't care less but I'd be a bit icky about him doing it in the house with us all there!! Especially in the family bathroom.
My DH says he never does it but I'm a bit dubious about that having seen his phone history. I don't mind anyway. I'd just rather not know where or when Shock

joeysapple · 04/03/2021 18:23

Yeah I'd be the same. If I was out or asleep then wank away. But not while I'm awake and in the house.

MonkeyPuddle · 04/03/2021 18:24

I would hate that. Hate it. I wouldn’t be able to look DP in the eye for a while if I found he was wanking himself off to potentially exploited and abused women.

CallistoSol · 04/03/2021 18:52

Yuck, that's really grim. Porn is revolting and only exists through the exploitation and rape of women. You dont have to be cool with it, and I would be deeply unimpressed if my partner watched it in my house, not to mention had a wank over it in my bathroom.

Original poster
Mandofan · 04/03/2021 18:56

Thanks for the responses. I don’t mind him watching it when I’m not here but it felt so disrespectful to know he was within his it whilst I was in the next room. I should have clarified earlier. I woke up from a nap and needed the bathroom so I was asleep but we’d already said we’d have sex tonight so I was a bit Hmm we’ve had a chat and I’ve told him I’d prefer he watched it when I’m not around.

OP posts:
UseR4574875 · 04/03/2021 19:23

I'm afraid I find it grim too. And I found out that my husband had been secretly watching it whilst me and the dc were asleep upstairs (the fact that I was asleep does not make it seem better). I only found out by accident - he had been watching it for several months unbeknown to me (and yes probably in the bathroom/shower too). I haven't been able to move on from it. I lost trust and a lot of disrespect for him. I am waiting for psychotherapy about another issue. My husband thinks that by me talking to a therapist I will come to understand it wasn't that bad (and actually he was doing me a favour by not pestering me). He also called me a prude which I'm not, I just don't agree with porn but he soon turned it around to make me seem like I was the one with the issue.

Howmanysyllabasisthat · 04/03/2021 19:24

@peak2021

If someone cannot use their imagination, wants to support the exploitation of young women and the normalisation of certain sexual practices that most women would not otherwise consider, that would be a deal breaker for me.
This
Givemeabreak88 · 04/03/2021 19:27

Wouldn’t bother me

Original poster
Mandofan · 04/03/2021 19:28

I have to admit the thought of him watching it whilst I’m asleep makes me feel a bit sick. I just can’t pinpoint why I feel this way as I’m generally not insecure

OP posts:
LalalalalalaLand123 · 04/03/2021 19:34

I would never be with a man who I knew used porn - that conversation would have been had before any relationship started.

Neron · 04/03/2021 19:51

It wouldn't bother me at all.

chelle862 · 04/03/2021 19:53

🤷🏼‍♀️ saves me a job

SimonJT · 04/03/2021 19:55

Wouldn’t bother me, mine sometimes watches it in bed (goes to bed before me), if I go in while he is it isn’t a big deal.

HelloThereMeHearties · 04/03/2021 19:56

Grim Confused

YouShouldLeave · 04/03/2021 19:57

I would never be in a relationship with anyone who watches porn.

But may i ask, if you are okey with porn, why wouldn’t it be okey to watch when you are home?
What’s the significance of that?

SparklingLime · 04/03/2021 20:00

Really grim.

sammylady37 · 04/03/2021 20:22

You will get roasted on here for saying you’re ok with porn.

But if you’re ok with porn, I don’t really get the objection to him using it while you’re in the house. I would take a very dim view of a man who tried to police when I masturbated and told me he didn’t want me doing it in private if he was in the house.

noblegreenk · 04/03/2021 20:47

A couple of years ago I was cooking Sunday lunch whilst our baby napped. My husband was in the living room. I decided to put some laundry on so went into our utility room and then was a sticky cum filled sock on the top of the dirty laundry pile. I asked him about it and he'd had a wank watching porn in the living room whilst I was cooking in the kitchen. I dont care that he watches porn but I didn't like that he'd done this whilst I was just pottering around in the other room.

BlueThistles · 04/03/2021 20:50

@noblegreenk

A couple of years ago I was cooking Sunday lunch whilst our baby napped. My husband was in the living room. I decided to put some laundry on so went into our utility room and then was a sticky cum filled sock on the top of the dirty laundry pile. I asked him about it and he'd had a wank watching porn in the living room whilst I was cooking in the kitchen. I dont care that he watches porn but I didn't like that he'd done this whilst I was just pottering around in the other room.

WTAF

Original poster
Mandofan · 04/03/2021 20:50

Like @noblegreenk I don’t have an issue with porn per se it’s the doing it whilst I’m in close proximity. It just feels off to me. And to a pp I’m not trying to police his masturbation as I’ve never said he can’t masturbate. I do it myself so I’d be a hypocrite if I said that

OP posts:
rainbowmash · 04/03/2021 21:06

To those clutching their pearls about the "abused and exploited women" in "all porn", do you get this worked up about cheap nail salons and fast fashion clothes? Or do you just care about exploited women when your husband thinks they're more attractive than you? I performed in adult videos for years - the only time I've felt abused and exploited by men was in minimum-wage retail jobs. You can pursue a smut-free life and care about women without being sanctimonious.

On the flipside, for those saying "it's just a wank", I think OP has a right to feel upset that her dp is being dishonest and might be developing values about sex and secrecy that she doesn't share.

Time to have a conversation about authenticity and, if it comes to it, supporting good quality independent artists!

yetmorecrap · 04/03/2021 21:30

@rainbowmash well I’m honest about this— I hate the fact that a lot of men just aren’t honest about it and give us a choice as to whether we would rather not be in a relationship with them if it’s anything more than ‘occasional’— I don’t hate it on ‘exploitation ‘grounds ’ I simply find the frequent using of it a total turn off in middle aged blokes in long term live in relationships

UseR4574875 · 04/03/2021 21:34

@rainbowmash well I’m honest about this— I hate the fact that a lot of men just aren’t honest about it and give us a choice as to whether we would rather not be in a relationship with them if it’s anything more than ‘occasional’— I don’t hate it on ‘exploitation ‘grounds ’ I simply find the frequent using of it a total turn off in middle aged blokes in long term live in relationships

This.