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Original poster

Wedding abroad

110 replies

SphJane · 26/02/2021 18:36

Hi ladies,

My OH and I have decided to get married abroad in Mexico. We will be paying for our parents and will be having a post wedding party at home when we return for guests who can’t make it.

Would you be miffed if you were invited to a wedding abroad? I know it’s a bit of a touchy subject for some people and we don’t expect many people will be able to attend. We just want a small wedding, with close friends and family in a lovely destination that we’ve been to and adore.

OP posts:
PurBal · 26/02/2021 18:39

I wouldn't be miffed. But I wouldn't go. It's your day. I did go to the "after party" for a wedding abroad once and tbh I probably wouldn't go to one of those again either, for me the important part of the wedding is the vows and that's what I want to witness.

Original poster
SphJane · 26/02/2021 18:42

@PurBal I totally respect that but can I ask why you wouldn’t go?

OP posts:
saffire · 26/02/2021 18:45

I wouldn't go to the wedding unless it was paid for! If I'm spending money on a holiday, I want to go where/when I want, not somewhere someone else wants me to go. Also, if they have limited annual leave I wouldn't want to "waste it"'on a wedding abroad.

usernotfound0000 · 26/02/2021 18:46

I wouldn't be miffed but would only go for a best friend/close family. If it was a European destination then I'd be more likely to go if not a best friend. Somewhere like Mexico would meal it would be our only holiday that year and I wouldn't want our only family holiday to be dictated by someone else.

Divorcethediv · 26/02/2021 18:47

Nope, after Attending one wedding abroad, never again. Annual leave, expense, etc. Most people Don’t like them. They won’t say that to your face though.

Piptastic · 26/02/2021 18:48

Covid aside, my honest feeling when receiving a destination wedding invitation is "oh god, no." The reasons are many but include 1) the cost (it will cost your guests into the thousands to attend your wedding) 2) the annual leave (holiday is precious and destination weddings force you to use your holiday time from work when you don't want to 3) A destination wedding is a massive faff as it's not just one day its days. 4) kids are a consideration (if you have a no kid policy who do your guests leave their kids with. If kids are invited, more expense for your guests 5) do the happy couple also expect a wedding present after you have spent thousands to be there (even if you say "no gifts" some guests will and those that don't feel bad.

All that said I've been to many that were beautiful and really good fun.

But it's worth remembering that no one, other than you and your partner, care that much about your big day. Parents included, (they care about the ceremony and you could do that at home).

I don't mean to sound miserable, as I said I've been to many that were great but I think the general feeling when getting a destination wedding invitation is "what excuse can I make so I don't have to go", for the many reasons above

NotMyPremium · 26/02/2021 18:54

I wouldn't be miffed but I wouldn't go. I declined a sibling's wedding abroad when I calculated it would cost at least 5k to attend, in a destination I had zero interest in going to.

I did attend the party home though and enjoyed that. Everyone was dressed like the wedding so it felt like a normal reception.

DP and I have said if we were to get married we would go abroad. But alone. To me the point in going abroad to get married is that it's just the bride and groom. I think weddings abroad that invite guests are pretty selfish tbh.

brushlaptop · 26/02/2021 19:09

I wouldn't be miffed but I wouldn't go unless it was close family or my best friend. It's too far from home, very expensive to get to and I already have so many places I'd rather spend the annual leave and air miles getting to after being stuck inside with covid for so long. I would be more likely to consider a European destination, but again probably unlikely I would go.

Original poster
SphJane · 26/02/2021 19:09

You all make fair points. We are actually attending a friends wedding at the end of the year in Nevada and that including spending money is going to cost us in the region of £6000. It’s something we felt no pressure to attend and we were given plenty of notice so decided we’d like to go and we are so looking forward to it.

Mexico is a place we have visited countless times and our families are both thrilled to be going, and actually encouraged a wedding abroad. We have 15 confirmed guests and don’t expect our friends to go but would be delighted if they could manage.

I don’t think a wedding abroad is selfish. A wedding day is about the bride and groom and the joining of their 2 families, as long as our nearest and dearest are there, we can celebrate with our friends at home. I wouldn’t want or expect anyone to spend thousands of pounds and leave themselves in financial difficulty just to attend a wedding.

OP posts:
autumnalrain · 26/02/2021 19:12

I wouldn’t go unless it was my close family or best friend.

Tbh unless the expenses are paid for I see destination weddings as quite narcisstic. Because why should someone spend hundreds of pounds and some of their annual leave on you?

SydneyPlace · 26/02/2021 19:21

I wouldn't like decisions of where to stay being made by someone else, I'm really laughably fussy about hotels and although I can laugh at myself I would be unhappy if I didn't like the hotel.

I would also not want to spend my holidays with (some) family members! Group holidays...please no!

MaggieFS · 26/02/2021 19:26

I'd need a lot of details, especially for somewhere like Mexico because you're effectively choosing for me what I'd be spending my annual holiday money, plus leave on. It's not like a European venue which could be a long weekend. Chances are I wouldn't go. My holidays are precious.

I wouldn't exactly be miffed, but you're making a statement that going to Mexico is more important to you than having all of your friends and family there. I wouldn't make that priority choice because I would be quite happy just to have the honeymoon abroad and my friends and family are important to me.

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 26/02/2021 19:35

I’ve been invited to two weddings abroad, both in Europe and involved a long weekend mini break. I went to both and they were fantastic. Somewhere that involved a weeks holiday I’d have to think about but I probably would go if I wanted to go to the destination.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/02/2021 22:27

No I wouldn’t go, I find them selfish as it puts the costs onto the guests for the couples wants. If it’s important to have family and friends there then the destination should be as central as possible for all limiting the costs for guests.

I wouldn’t attend the party after as the most important part of a wedding is the vows so I don’t see it as a wedding if not part of those. Always feels like a chance to gain more gifts and wear the dress again etc to me.

Nanny0gg · 27/02/2021 00:06

@SphJane

You all make fair points. We are actually attending a friends wedding at the end of the year in Nevada and that including spending money is going to cost us in the region of £6000. It’s something we felt no pressure to attend and we were given plenty of notice so decided we’d like to go and we are so looking forward to it.

Mexico is a place we have visited countless times and our families are both thrilled to be going, and actually encouraged a wedding abroad. We have 15 confirmed guests and don’t expect our friends to go but would be delighted if they could manage.

I don’t think a wedding abroad is selfish. A wedding day is about the bride and groom and the joining of their 2 families, as long as our nearest and dearest are there, we can celebrate with our friends at home. I wouldn’t want or expect anyone to spend thousands of pounds and leave themselves in financial difficulty just to attend a wedding.

The other point is, a destination wedding has to be a holiday for the guests.

So they will potentially be spending thousands for a week/two weeks away in a place they may not want to visit with people they don't particularly care for. Or spend more to travel to somewhere else.

Nanny0gg · 27/02/2021 00:10

@SphJane

You all make fair points. We are actually attending a friends wedding at the end of the year in Nevada and that including spending money is going to cost us in the region of £6000. It’s something we felt no pressure to attend and we were given plenty of notice so decided we’d like to go and we are so looking forward to it.

Mexico is a place we have visited countless times and our families are both thrilled to be going, and actually encouraged a wedding abroad. We have 15 confirmed guests and don’t expect our friends to go but would be delighted if they could manage.

I don’t think a wedding abroad is selfish. A wedding day is about the bride and groom and the joining of their 2 families, as long as our nearest and dearest are there, we can celebrate with our friends at home. I wouldn’t want or expect anyone to spend thousands of pounds and leave themselves in financial difficulty just to attend a wedding.

It isn't selfish as long as you don't want anyone else there.

Weddings used to be about having a local Do (unless your partner was from somewhere else) with close family and friends there. Then the bride and groom went happily off on honeymoon to wherever they wanted to go.

All it cost the guest was a new outfit, a present and a few quid for the bar. Maybe a taxi fare on top. Not thousands and all your holiday entitlement gone.

MixedUpFiles · 27/02/2021 00:14

I’ve spent time and money to travel to wedding in the places people actually live or in their hometowns and I have no problem with that. Sometimes I make a trip out of it, often I keep it bare bones. I am miffed at most destination wedding invites though. Most of them are the type where it’s just “so much cheaper to have the wedding of our dreams” for the happy couple, when all they are really doing is passing the cost of the wedding to their guests.

DropDTuning · 27/02/2021 00:18

I wouldn’t want or expect anyone to spend thousands of pounds and leave themselves in financial difficulty just to attend a wedding.

You're paying everyone's air fares, transfers & hotel costs then?

changi · 27/02/2021 00:33

I was invited to a colleague's wedding in China and would have gone but a close relation arranged their wedding for two days later in the UK. Getting back was going to take longer than two days so I had to decline.

Two other colleagues did go though.

endlesswicker · 27/02/2021 00:40

Just so long as you remember that your wedding is nowhere near as important to other people as it is to you, and that you don't get miffed with people who decide they aren't coming.

MrsMoastyToasty · 27/02/2021 00:43

I've always been of the opinion if you're eloping abroad then you shouldn't expect family and friends to follow you.

dodobookends · 27/02/2021 00:47

I wouldn't want to spend thousands of pounds on attending someone else's wedding. I have other more important (to me) things that I would much rather spend it on.

Grimsknee · 27/02/2021 00:55

I wouldn't be miffed, but I definitely couldn't afford to go. I'd hope that the people inviting me would appreciate that I don't want to use my savings for a really expensive trip to a place I haven't chosen! I also appreciate that the wedding is for the couple, and even if it was the closest relative/friend getting married, I wouldn't mind at all not being able to go because they should get married wherever makes them happy! Enjoy your wedding OP.

SionnachGlic · 27/02/2021 02:00

I wouldn't be miffed but unless you were my sister or best best friend I wouldn't go to a destination wedding that involved alot of expense. Weddings near home are expensive enough. Also my annual leave & holiday is precious to me & I'd prefer to go somewhere I choose & do my own thing. I think anyone choosing to get married abroad should be prepared for & not disappointed if they get a lot of declined invitations. I hope you have a lovely day...

litterbird · 27/02/2021 02:10

I wouldn't be miffed but other posters have said, I wouldn't go as it would eat in to my holiday entitlement and its very expensive. I am long haul crew too so could get cheap flights, its just it eats into the annual leave. Due to my job and have stayed all over the world, I have seen countless beach weddings and such. The most beautiful one I saw was just the bride and groom had gone out there alone to marry, its what they wanted and didn't want to burden friends and family with the cost to join them. They invited 2 of the crew to be witnesses and it was just the most romantic thing I have ever seen. Just the two of them. I have also seen Brits marry abroad with their families in tow. I have watched the mothers and fathers of the bride and groom dressed up to the nines in major heat looking awkward and about to faint. Remember that post Covid some people may be strapped for cash to make that journey. Because I have seen so many awkward weddings in various different countries I wouldn't choose to go to one or have one away from family and friends. However, this is your day, your choice and if its just you, your hubby and both sets of parents then have the most amazing time....just please make sure everyone understands the heat out there and dresses appropriately !!

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