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Original poster

Wedding abroad

110 replies

SphJane · 26/02/2021 18:36

Hi ladies,

My OH and I have decided to get married abroad in Mexico. We will be paying for our parents and will be having a post wedding party at home when we return for guests who can’t make it.

Would you be miffed if you were invited to a wedding abroad? I know it’s a bit of a touchy subject for some people and we don’t expect many people will be able to attend. We just want a small wedding, with close friends and family in a lovely destination that we’ve been to and adore.

OP posts:

harknesswitch · 27/02/2021 02:17

I wouldn't be miffed, but I'd only go if I really wanted to and could afford to. If it meant missing out in a family holiday then no, I'd simply decline. Nicely of course

Wiredforsound · 27/02/2021 04:45

I’d be happy for the couple but I wouldn’t be interested in attending. I couldn’t stand the thought of being around other people for that long. I can just about cope with a normal wedding but 4 or 5 days with aunty Joan and uncle Bob would do my nut in.

Ragwort · 27/02/2021 05:02

I just wouldn't go - I wouldn't be miffed, my DB got married abroad - absolutely his decision, he didn't actually invite anyone - I feel that's the best thing to do, enjoy your wedding day but don't assume/expect other people to use their money and time to 'celebrate' with you.

Aprilx · 27/02/2021 05:37

We got married abroad, in USA. We invited immediate family but didn’t invite any friends. I think it is a bit much to even hope that friends would give up annual leave for our wedding, or even put them in the position of having to decline.

ElaineMarieBenes · 27/02/2021 06:09

I know this isn’t popular but yes I would definitely attend! I love an overseas venue especially if they are in places I wouldn’t normally travel to. Oregon was the last one - was fabulous! However, I can afford it so it’s easy for me to say!

SnuggyBuggy · 27/02/2021 06:15

We've always said we'd only go to a wedding abroad if we were in a position to go for longer and make into a holiday for us. Otherwise its not worth the travelling.

mrsnec · 27/02/2021 06:42

I got married abroad. I wanted to get married in the carribean just both sets of parents as guests but inlaws didn't want to fly transatlantic and my folks encouraged more guests so we got married in a European holiday destination with lots of budget flights available and got married on a Friday. Some people only needed a day off work. It cost my friend the same in expenses as I spent on her UK wedding and hen do. So I didn't feel bad. I also just wanted to be married rather than to get married so didn't really mind how many people attended. We had 25 guests. Sometimes I wish I'd pushed for fewer guests, more exotic location.

20viona · 27/02/2021 06:46

Some strange reactions here. If I cared about the couple of course I'd go. We went a wedding in Cyprus 3 years ago with 50 friends and their families and it was amazing. So much fun.

ZenNudist · 27/02/2021 07:36

I got married in Cyprus. We invited immediate family and a few close friends. I even let my brother off the hook from coming as he was stationed overseas at the time. A few more people effectively invited themselves but it added nicely to numbers and made it a better do. We had 26 but I'd only officially invited 16. I tried to discourage everyone else who wanted to come because I really wanted a small wedding. In retrospect I'd have rather had my cousin and DH cousin with their families (they offered to come) there but then not had the random family members and work colleagues who invited themselves. But at the time that meant opening a can if worms about who else in the family got to come.

A smaller guest list makes it easier to all get together the rest of the time we were away. My parents and ILs paid for all meals out (not everyone came every night) so people got a lot of free food that week. I think people enjoyed it.

I've been to two weddings abroad. One of them was opportunistic as I was on holiday in the same place as a work friend was getting married and she invited me. It turned out she married in the uk beforehand which her relatives were mad about. It was a good do and only in Spain and her parents lived there part time. Everything was laid on free food and drink for all (mine was the same, I thought a free bar was the least I could do for my guests). Free transport to from ceremony to restaurant to hotel. I think you cant be mean if you're expecting people to come a long way.

The other was epically expensive and caused bad feeling beforehand. It had obviously slightly pissed off a lot of the guests (and irreparably damaged friendships with people who didnt get invited but that's because the groom is a plonker and didn't really care about the people he didn't invite but they cared about him iyswim) but it was a lovely setting and when we finally got to the restaurant the food was amazing and lavishly provided. The drink in the day part of the wedding was a bit meagre but probably best as we would have been so drunk otherwise and they made up for it later with lots of wine with dinner.

I think you would be mad to book Mexico right now. Or pretty much anything abroad until you know how covid is going to pan out. Too much to go wrong.

It is the easiest way to have a small wedding. Seems to put a lot of noses out of joint if you try to do that in the UK. You have to have an iron resolve. My dsis managed a small uk wedding but she didn't care who she annoyed or upset.

It seems people will always get pissed off about weddings. You cant please everyone so just please yourself. The more people you invite the more who may get annoyed but then it's a difficult balance to tell some they can't come.

Gerla · 27/02/2021 07:49

We are actually attending a friends wedding at the end of the year in Nevada and that including spending money is going to cost us in the region of £6000
I don't mean this in a horrible way but you obviously move in wealthier circles than is. That would be more than my holiday budget for the year so, no I wouldn't spend it all on a wedding to somewhere I don't particularly want to go. Plus aren't we all supposed to be saving the planet by flying less? I don't think flying thousands of miles for a wedding would sit well with me.

SnuggyBuggy · 27/02/2021 07:52

Surely the problem with inviting people to a destination wedding on a romantic beach somewhere and being OK with people declining or not is you could end up in a situation where your close family declines but that colleague you've only known 6 months but had to invite and Uncle Knobhead accept so you end up on the beach with just them.

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 27/02/2021 08:05

SnuggyBuggy I went to a wedding abroad as the random office colleague’s plus one. We were really surprised to be invited but fancied a long weekend in this country and thought of it as a nice mini break with a bit of a do on the middle evening (the wedding). Luckily the bride was from the country where the wedding was so there was a big turn out but at one point I did think it would be funny if it’s just the groom’s parents and us from the UK and hardly anyone else.

Houseofvelour · 27/02/2021 08:06

I personally wouldn't go to a wedding abroad, especially in the current climate.
I'm not going to spend thousands of pounds to attend someone's wedding.

FoxgloveBee · 27/02/2021 08:06

Congratulations, very exciting!

I'd only go to a destination wedding if it was somewhere I actually wanted to go and it fit in with a holiday I wanted to take (the wedding would only take up one day of our time as a family), annual leave, school holidays, my finances at the time etc.

I wouldn't go to a wedding in Mexico, even if it was for a very close family member or friend.

Bubbles1st · 27/02/2021 08:08

If it's what the bride and groom want then it's fine. It great you can pay for your parents. I think that is a determining factor for many though, what parents think, can they pay for themselves to get there.

I know one set of our parents definitely couldn't but that might just mean we would go without anyone.

We wouldn't even bother with an after party, we just want to get married and if we can combine with a gorgeous holiday it's win win.

Lostinspace23 · 27/02/2021 08:18

There is no way I’d consider booking or attending a destination wedding until I was totally sure that travel would be trouble free and not putting people at risk, either financially or their health.

There was a thread on here a while back about a destination wedding and Covid nightmare, where the couple either had to fork out thousands or see their guests be out of pocket. It was miserable! I wouldn’t willingly put myself in that situation.

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 27/02/2021 08:25

How many people would you be inviting OP?

thedevilinablackdress · 27/02/2021 08:28

I don’t think a wedding abroad is selfish

Expecting that other people will want or be able to attend shows a lack of consideration. How would you fee is someone felt they had to attend and got themselves into debt to do so? People feel weirdly obliged to attend weddings.

changi · 27/02/2021 08:51

We wouldn't even bother with an after party, we just want to get married and if we can combine with a gorgeous holiday it's win win.

It's very me, me.

Ragwort · 27/02/2021 08:53

That's a good point TheDevil, I wonder why people feel so obliged to accept wedding invitations? My parents are weirdly like that, they think it is terribly 'bad form' to decline a wedding invitation. They are elderly (late 80s) and I am sure, in some cases, are being invited to a second cousin's daughter's wedding (for example) only out of politeness but they feel they have to accept even though, for them, the travel arrangements are always very difficult. The last wedding they attended they hated - it was clearly aimed for young people and sitting uncomfortably on bales of hay on a damp Saturday afternoon, eating a hog roast, was not much fun for them .

I have no hesitation in politely declining a wedding invitation.

Chewingle · 27/02/2021 08:58

It depends on entirely how close I am re whether or not I’d go.

Close family or very close friend - yes
Anyone else - no. And certainly not miffed

Autumnspice · 27/02/2021 08:58

We got married in the Caribbean in 2008.
There were no invites, so no pressure for anybody to attend.

In the end 30 friends and family came and we had an amazing holiday, with the bonus of getting married.
We still holiday with 5 of the couples so I think it depends on your social circle as to how a wedding abroad will be perceived.

Ginger1982 · 27/02/2021 09:00

I doubt I would go all the way to Mexico unless it was family or very close friends. I can't imagine taking my young DS all the way there right now for a wedding and I probably wouldn't be comfortable being that far away from him. A wedding in Europe would probably be different.

It's not selfish if you're not bothered about having very few people there but for me my wedding was about sharing my day with friends and family.

Chewingle · 27/02/2021 09:02

@Autumnspice

We got married in the Caribbean in 2008. There were no invites, so no pressure for anybody to attend. In the end 30 friends and family came and we had an amazing holiday, with the bonus of getting married. We still holiday with 5 of the couples so I think it depends on your social circle as to how a wedding abroad will be perceived.

If no invites How did 30 people end up attending?

lurker101 · 27/02/2021 09:06

I’ve not been invited to a destination wedding yet, but a lot would depend on the following:

Destination - do I want to go there aside from the wedding? If yes, I’m more likely to to go for a non-best friend/family member
How far away is it? Can I take a couple of days annual leave? Or do I need at least a week off?
do they have lots of “group activities” organised or can we go for rehearsal dinner, wedding, next day breakfast then do our own thing? I wouldn’t go to a wedding say in Mexico that involved staying in the hotel the bride/groom has picked for a week if it meant chilling with Auntie Pam everyday on group activities, but would go if I could go for wedding for a few days then disappear to another part of Mexico.
is it extortionately expensive for the friend/family group? I wouldn’t want to be “rent-a-mob” and only invited if the couple thought I would go because in their eyes “could afford it”
is it somewhere that makes logical sense? I would put a lot more effort trying to go to a wedding in Australia if the bride is from there than I would trying to go to Santorini because the couple thought the pictures would look nice.

But the main thing is - how close am I to the couple? Sorry, but this might involve uncomfortable answers for you OP if you get lower guest numbers than expected, but just be aware, particularly somewhere like Mexico that will be on the more expensive end for travel and annual leave.

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