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Original poster

Wedding abroad

110 replies

SphJane · 26/02/2021 18:36

Hi ladies,

My OH and I have decided to get married abroad in Mexico. We will be paying for our parents and will be having a post wedding party at home when we return for guests who can’t make it.

Would you be miffed if you were invited to a wedding abroad? I know it’s a bit of a touchy subject for some people and we don’t expect many people will be able to attend. We just want a small wedding, with close friends and family in a lovely destination that we’ve been to and adore.

OP posts:

EileenGC · 27/02/2021 14:00

Your wedding, your choice.

I have been to weddings abroad (though they were all in a country that had a connection to either the bride/groom or a family member - they lived or had grown up there). I could only afford to go to those where we were provided with free accommodation. Or the cost was significantly reduced by those organising it.

I've never been for more than a weekend because I can't afford to take that much time off for weddings - and I have a large extended family which means there are always 3 or 4 to go each summer, by the time you add friends. That's a lot of holidays. The fact yours would be in the summer is an advantage, more likely to have time off - however, I doubt anyone would take a 12h+ flight for a 1 day event.

It really depends on the financial situation of your guests. You mention a £6000 trip to Nevada without it being a stretch - well, that's one year of rent and bills for me, so I couldn't afford it in a million years. 1k, best friend and holiday availability - I would think about it. Still no promises.

As long as you don't get upset when someone can't come, or when they make comments about it (I would HATE going to an all inclusive resort in Mexico, no matter how nice, it's my idea of a nightmare) - then I'd say go ahead. Only you know what audience you're catering this event for.

To sum it up, I'd personally attend a wedding abroad if my accommodation was covered (or very cheap), expenses throughout the weekend were covered, I had the liberty to take all my family with me if I needed, and the wedding was a £20 Ryanair flight away.

I travel enough for work as it is and for a family of 4, that trip to Mexico would be £4k unless I leave them all at home, which I would've already been doing all year round.

yikesanotherbooboo · 27/02/2021 14:44

Apols for typos

Thebiggerthecoffeethebetter · 27/02/2021 18:37

People say that they don’t expect people to attend but they do.

The crux of the matter is, if you’re a sibling, a best friend, a close person...then it’s not an invite, it IS actually a summons....regardless of the kind wording on the fancy invite. 😔

In my case I have had to decline my best friend’s wedding on a Greek island, for various reasons mentioned already by posters.

I’m not sure she will ever forgive me, which is such a shame. We have been friends for 33 years.

She has always said she doesn’t expect people to attend....but what she meant was other people. She is livid that it’s me who is saying no. Turns out other people are allowed to decline, I am not.

Howshouldibehave · 27/02/2021 18:43

I wouldn’t want or expect anyone to spend thousands of pounds

How will your guests get there then? It WILL cost thousands of pounds for families to get to Mexico for a holiday!!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/02/2021 19:39

@Howshouldibehave

I wouldn’t want or expect anyone to spend thousands of pounds

How will your guests get there then? It WILL cost thousands of pounds for families to get to Mexico for a holiday!!

Exactly. It out the costs onto the guests unless the couple pay for the flights and hotel just because they want a certain venue. There’s no way I’d spend that going to a UK wedding as would travel there and back the same day or decline if I couldn’t.

Not to mention that in a lot of cases, it isn’t even the marriage people are travelling for as the couple have to have a ceremony in their own country first to make it a legal marriage.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 27/02/2021 20:58

£1k each including all flights and 5* all inclusive accommodation? For how many nights?

rawalpindithelabrador · 27/02/2021 21:09

@Thebiggerthecoffeethebetter

People say that they don’t expect people to attend but they do.

The crux of the matter is, if you’re a sibling, a best friend, a close person...then it’s not an invite, it IS actually a summons....regardless of the kind wording on the fancy invite. 😔

In my case I have had to decline my best friend’s wedding on a Greek island, for various reasons mentioned already by posters.

I’m not sure she will ever forgive me, which is such a shame. We have been friends for 33 years.

Not much of a friend then. Selfish AF to do this to a friend and get the strop when they can't capitulate to your demands. And again, most of these weddings aren't even legal. They have a real, legal wedding back in the UK and then expect people to attend their fake show.

Lemonsyellow · 27/02/2021 21:18

I wouldn’t go. I would assume that you actually didn’t want people to attend if you were going to make it so difficult for them, but you could pretend to yourself that you had actually invited them (while knowing they wouldn’t come).

Lemonsyellow · 27/02/2021 21:28

Should make it clear- Mexico would be out of the question, but Ireland would be fine. It’s not “abroad” as such that makes it problematic.

Offside · 27/02/2021 21:45

Wow a lot of negative responses on here.

Nowhere has the OP said that she would expect people to go if invited, and the selfish remark just blows my mind, it’s up to you whether you accept an invite or not, not the one who’s inviting. If you’re one of those people who feel they can’t turn an invite down, then that’s your problem.

In my circle of friends if there is a wedding abroad (and there’s been a few, not to mention holidays to places like Mexico for big birthdays) then you can guarantee that there won’t be invites it would be a case of ‘here are the details, if you want to come please do, if you don’t, no hard feelings, hopefully we’ll see you at the party when we get back’ but 90% would go as what’s better than a great holiday with all your friends and witnessing a marriage. I think someone else said it, but it obviously depends on your social circle. If you’re a sociable bunch I can’t see why you wouldn’t throw out an informal invite, if you’re not that way inclined then maybe just leave it how it is. But I think if anyone was miffed or offended then, again, it’s their problem, not yours.

LemonRoses · 27/02/2021 21:54

I think it entirely depends on your family and circumstances. For some it will work well, for others it’s a bit too expensive to attend and perhaps they don’t have the annual leave etc.

Our son is having his wedding in France next year but it’s a longer bank holiday weekend, their friends have generous leave arrangements and as many are military, they’re used to travelling around.

We’re expecting about 100 -120 to accept given initial responses. Many are family groups, some will add a few days surfing in Biarritz or a road trip down. Many people will get free accommodation at the chateau itself or in the yurts onsite.

Voice0fReason · 27/02/2021 22:19

I wouldn't go to a wedding abroad. I want to use my holiday for stuff I want to do.

I got married abroad, I didn't invite anyone though!

JustAnotherOldMan · 27/02/2021 22:25

Never been to Mexico, but it’s somewhere on my bucket list,
But a resort sounds awful, why would you go to someone like Mexico and stay in a resort, what’s the point in that , you want to go a see the country.

So would I go, yeah maybe, but would have to fit in with other holiday commitments,

But in general, no, if people want to marry abroad, no. Wouldn’t go

rainbowscalling · 27/02/2021 22:39

We are, hopefully, getting married abroad next year. European destination. Family only. When inviting people we explicitly said we fully understood that a wedding abroad was not possible for everyone and we did not expect them to come but would be lovely if they were able too.

Only 1 person not able to come.

To be honest, everyone is really excited for a big family holiday with both mine and DPs families. It will likely be the only time my man gets to go away with both of her sons, grandchildren and great grandchild.

Again, I would never expect people to drop everything to come and would not be offended if anyone said no. You just need to be prepared that potentially not everyone will be there. If that's ok with you, I see no issues. It's an event that is for you and DP. Do what will make you happy.

Honeyroar · 27/02/2021 22:48

I’d go if it was somewhere I could afford to go, could take leave for and also if it was somewhere I wanted to visit. It would have to be a holiday for my husband and I as well as a visit to a wedding, and I wouldn’t want to have to hang out with all the other guests for the whole time I was there.

HoppingPavlova · 27/02/2021 22:59

In these cases my favourite is ‘but I came to your wedding’, when that was a short day trip (2hr drive each way) with people choosing whether or not to stay closer to the venue for the night. Somehow them fronting up to that situation then obliges you to travel for days to theirs? A PP was right in that for the wider group it’s not a summons but once immediate family (parents/siblings) and close friends they have picked for the wedding party (bridesmaids/best men) say no the tears and drama starts.

gurglebelly · 27/02/2021 23:11

I went to a wedding in Sri Lanka but it was my best friend and it didn't even occur to me to say no

I was also invited to a friend's in Europe but I didn't go

In both instances I was single, it didn't matter for my best friend (also very good friends with the groom and the other attendees) as we all stayed in the same place and arranged it as a holiday together, but the other one was a 'we're getting married in x, sort yourself out and come to the wedding on x date' so no chance I was going to effectively holiday on my own and go to a wedding as an excursion!

HeddaGarbled · 28/02/2021 01:29

If it’s just the two of you and your parents whom you are paying for, that’s fine. But inviting anyone else, especially family, is putting pressure on them.

Unless they are well off and get plenty of holidays, one of the couple will want to go, the other one won’t and they’ll have a row. Or neither of them will want to come but they’ll be afraid of upsetting you or your parents or someone else in the family.

It’s easy to say it’s an invitation, no pressure, but an invitation to a wedding to anyone other than distant family or acquaintances is never without covert pressure.

TheCraicDealer · 28/02/2021 01:46

Nah wouldn't go that far. Once you get into 8,9,10hr flight territory that takes it from "long weekend" to, at the very least, a week's holiday. Then there's the politics of it all- do you stay in the same resort? Will you have to take part in wedding events spread over three days or more with what is actually quite a small group of people who you have very little in common with? If everyone stayed on site for a week or more I would imagine it would be like when you bump into someone you vaguely know in the supermarket and then keep seeing them again and again as you go round the aisles.

My best friend is weighing up a destination wedding at the moment, but she's talking about Spain. Frequent cheap (and short) flights means it won't be too much of a hardship, but I have to admit if she was going further afield I'd really have to weigh it up.

Windmillwhirl · 28/02/2021 02:42

Honestly, I wouldn't go either, unless it was a destination I really wanted to go to.

Original poster

SphJane · 28/02/2021 04:25

Some of the comments on this thread are really catty and I feel sad and sorry that some people hold such negative opinions.

I don’t want a big wedding in the UK but if we were to marry here, I’d be expected to invite everyone and their granny’s cousin. Our UK guest list quickly became 200 people and my anxiety couldn’t handle having that many people to please.

I understand that all inclusive resorts aren’t for everyone, but I’m lucky that this particular resort is heaven for us and as I previously stated, our families are thrilled and excited to be going. As for people saying the ceremony isn’t legal or is “fake”, it’s not. The marriage will be completely legal and recognised in the UK.

My OP was to ask if you would be miffed at being invited to a wedding abroad and the reason for this was because I wanted to gage opinions and decide whether or not to invite friends or if we should just leave it with our immediate family. Either way I am happy, I just don’t want our friends to feel like we don’t want them there, we do, but we also appreciate it’s a lot of money to pay and we don’t want people to feel like they have to be there.

Finally, there’s been a few mentions of my earlier comment regarding a trip to Nevada that we are taking later in the year for a wedding. I appreciate not everyone has a spare £6000, Christ I don’t! We had 2 years notice for this trip, we have no children, no mortgage and both have good jobs. We are by no means wealthy and prefer to save money in order to travel as much as we can.

OP posts:

Original poster

SphJane · 28/02/2021 04:34

Also, I am totally shocked at the amount of people who seem to be appalled at the thought of going to an all inclusive resort in Mexico. I’ve been to many all inclusive resorts in Spain, Portugal etc. but the standard in Mexico is like night and day.

The resort that we have stayed in and are marrying in has 12 a la carte restaurants in addition to 2 international buffet restaurants, there is also 24hr drinks and snacks available as well as a 24hr room service menu with absolutely NO additional charges. The entertainment on offer is outstanding, there are sports and wellness programmes running daily as well as some really outstanding day trips and cultural experiences should anyone wish to venture out and explore (albeit day trips etc are at a cost). As I mentioned previously, we have managed to secure this for any guests wishing to attend for £1000PP for flights, private return airport transfers and 7 night’s accommodation. We are not having a stag or hen party, we have explicitly stated we want no gifts and our guests will not have to put their hand in their pocket for the duration of their stay unless they wished to partake in any excursions. We want anyone who joins us to have a holiday, not to feel like they need to join us every day.

OP posts:

Original poster

SphJane · 28/02/2021 04:36

To reiterate, I do not expect our friends to make the trip and spend money they cannot afford to attend a wedding. I simply wanted opinions so I could gage whether or not they would be upset either way with or without an invite.

OP posts:

Chewingle · 28/02/2021 07:28

For me, as someone who has done multiple Mexico and Caribbean holidays....?the very low cost would put me off.

crispychicken12 · 28/02/2021 07:32

I've just been invited to one in Marbella in June next year by DH cousin.

They didn't come to our wedding, we did only give everyone 7 weeks notice (quick wedding, registry office and party nothing fancy)

I've met them twice, we both barely know them. I'll have a 2 year old and a 10 month old. DH hates anything like Marbella, his cousins are also very showy people and we don't really want to go.

It would be more stressful than it would be fun.

I'm a student nurse so I will be on placement, so it's out of the question anyway.

It was nice to be invited, even though it was only for numbers (the bride has 50 of her family going, groom has 6)

I'll just send a nice gift, I'm not spending good money on a holiday I don't want to go on for a wedding of people I barely know.

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