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Original poster

Husband fantasising about my close friend! Do you move on?

108 replies

Zara9897 · 24/02/2021 13:01

DH is into role playing. Last night he said he likes the idea of me being the friend (role play) etc. He said he doesn't find her attractive at all and its just fantasising but I just don't understand this.

I am so upset by this and have felt down all day. He realised last night I got upset and has apologised and called me several times today apologising.

OP posts:
LittleRa · 24/02/2021 16:47

Odd.. as others have said, role-playing is playing a role, like a part. What would you actually do to role-play bring your friend?! Knock on the door and come in and say “Hiya, pop the kettle on I’ve got some gossip about our old school friend Tina”?!
Sorry OP I don’t mean to make light of it, this is an odd request to unpick and very insensitive of him. Hope you’re ok x

lothermand · 24/02/2021 16:48

No..just noConfused

Ninkanink · 24/02/2021 16:59

Sorry, for some reason I thought you were trying out role playing as a new thing and he maybe just didn’t think or didn’t know how to go about it...benefit of the doubt and all that...

But reading back it sounds like the role play itself is nothing new and he basically just thought it was fine and dandy to tell you out of the blue that he fancies your friend and wanted to pretend he was fucking her and that you would be totally okay with that! That is seriously insensitive and really not very nice at all.

I guess all you can do right now is sit with it for a while until you can unpick your feelings and figure out what you want to do about it. Some things you just can’t come back from.

miltonj · 24/02/2021 17:24

Wow. Wtf. That is so far from ok. I would not want to have sex with him again after that regardless of wether it was a thoughtless cock up or if it's a sign of manipulation etc. Either way he's not got respect or boundaries for you sec life.

MsDogLady · 24/02/2021 17:33

He said he doesn’t find her attractive at all...

He lied to you. Of course he fancies her. He crossed a huge boundary for his sexual gratification.

I would consider that as a betrayal.

GirlLovesWorld · 24/02/2021 17:36

The thing that stood out to me about your post is your first sentence: DH is into role playing.

Are you also into it? If not then it's ok to say it's not for you.

On the friend thing - he's being a gross and insensitive pervy turd.

TurquoiseDragon · 24/02/2021 17:37

@MsDogLady

He said he doesn’t find her attractive at all...

He lied to you. Of course he fancies her. He crossed a huge boundary for his sexual gratification.

I would consider that as a betrayal.

I agree with this. Being that particular does indeed suggest he fancies her, and I'm not sure I could carry on a relationship knowing my partner fancied someone so close to me in RL.

He really should have kept his gob shut.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/02/2021 17:38

Your husband is one of the most stupid men alive for bringing this up. Gross, too.

JamieFrasersAuntie · 24/02/2021 17:38

Why would anyone want someone to role play an unattractive person?

My friend once told me there had been a similar conversation about me and I avoided them both after that.

Would he be ok with other couples role playing his sister?

Original poster
Zara9897 · 24/02/2021 17:45

Thank you everyone for your responses. I am absolutely heartbroken.

OP posts:
cosmicbabe · 24/02/2021 17:51

@Zara9897

Thank you everyone for your responses. I am absolutely heartbroken.
I think you should speak to him again. Perhaps he just used her as an example? Is she attractive and could you see her fancying him? Is she single? I joke sometimes to my partner about fancying his mates but it's just banter... he probably doesn't think so like you Confused I have never asked him to pretend to be them though.
SoulofanAggron · 24/02/2021 17:57

No way. This fantasy would only get him off if he fancied your friend- or maybe at a push the naughtiness of it I guess for some.

It seems a really inappropriate and inconsiderate thing to ask. It's like thinking of betraying you is part of the thrill. Sad

thought it was fine and dandy to tell you out of the blue that he fancies your friend and wanted to pretend he was fucking her and that you would be totally okay with that! That is seriously insensitive and really not very nice at all.

@Ninkanink I think he's trying to claim it doesn't mean he fancies the friend. Shock

JamieFrasersAuntie · 24/02/2021 18:07

Attempting to involve your friend in his sex life without her consent is pretty disgusting behaviour.

Do you actually enjoy the role playing?

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 24/02/2021 18:12

What the fuck is wrong with him

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 24/02/2021 18:13

BTW I wouldn’t consider putting any distance with your friend, in fact the opposite. You need good friends when he is like that, and you can’t go changing your life for the worst because he’s a twat. He can eff off when you want to see her

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 24/02/2021 18:14

Also how violated would you feel if you were the friend in this?!? Did he really think there was any chance you would say yes and do that to her, that’s disgusting and vile. What is wrong with him?!

Sorry OP but for him to get the bravery fo actually ask, I bet he’s been wanking over her for a while. What a disgusting man.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 24/02/2021 18:16

Also he’s basically told you that he gets off on the idea of cheating on you. Not the idea of having sex with other women, but specifically of having sex with those close to you that he would be having an affair with.

JamieFrasersAuntie · 24/02/2021 18:37

I wonder how he imagined this playing out. Maybe he thought you'd be exchanging knowing looks during her next visit.

To not care that this would be sexually violating to you and your friend is quite worrying. And if you did go ahead with it, it would be a grotesque betrayal to your friend. Pretty disgusting in fact.

I think you need to reassess your boundaries here because he's over the line. This suggestion along with wanting to know everything is extremely off.

To be honest I wonder what else is going on and how fucked up he must be to even expect you to fulfill his sexual needs in this way.

Do you spend a lot of time discussing his fantasies?

Lurcherloves · 24/02/2021 19:07

He sounds like such a wrong un
It’s emotionally abusive

Sonicbloom · 24/02/2021 19:10

Wow ! I would not be ok with this and I would think he wanted to have sex with her and was thinking about it.

Popcornbetty · 24/02/2021 19:17

I would still talk to your friend op as lovely people are hard to find. As for dh you need to make sure he knows how inappropriate your requeat was and ask him how he would feel if it was the other way around!

Popcornbetty · 24/02/2021 19:18

Should say his request not your requeat Confused

PandoraP · 24/02/2021 19:24

I would be weirded out if my friends were role playing pretending to be me/have sex with me. Of course he fancies her. That’s ok but he should keep it to himself!

EarthSight · 24/02/2021 19:32

How on earth could he think you were going to be into that?????

Ninkanink · 24/02/2021 19:34

I think you need to reassess your boundaries here because he's over the line. This suggestion along with wanting to know everything is extremely off.

To be honest I wonder what else is going on and how fucked up he must be to even expect you to fulfill his sexual needs in this way.

Do you spend a lot of time discussing his fantasies?

Yes, having read op’s further comments I’m concerned too.

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