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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why do I constantly worry?

83 replies

geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 01:09

Long story short, met someone in October, and I've fell head over heels! But I constantly worry if he doesn't text back straight away or I keep thinking I have upset him.
Shared something on FB with him with a stupid nickname and now I think I've upset him as he hasn't text back, (hates social media)
And here I am wide awake, work first thing in the morning and worrying again.
To be fair it would be something else if it wasn't him.
I hate feeling like this! Any advice?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/02/2021 01:17

You need to get professional help to deal with your anxieties and to understand where they are coming from. If you don't, you will continue this destructive cycle, and you definitely deserve to live without this burden.

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 01:18

Is anyone else like this? Or have I just turned obsessive?

OP posts:
Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 01:20

@Aquamarine1029

You need to get professional help to deal with your anxieties and to understand where they are coming from. If you don't, you will continue this destructive cycle, and you definitely deserve to live without this burden.
Hello I do have a lot on at the moment. Just feel so stupid about it
OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 16/02/2021 01:23

Having anxieties is nothing to feel stupid about. You need help to deal with this and I hope you get it. Even starting with self-help materials might help you gain a bit of perspective.

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 01:28

Yes I know thank you, I just hate feeling like I have upset someone. Or that I will look stupid that I have been dumped.
It's an awful feeling when normally in my last relationship I was just not bothered in the slightest.
Now I'm taking on a online chat about it, which is not me at all.

OP posts:
yvanka · 16/02/2021 01:30

You'll feel more secure with time, it is all quite new so it's understandable that you are unsure how he will respond to things.

However, why are you posting things about him on social media if he hates it?

homebase123 · 16/02/2021 01:31

Has he been online since you posted it?

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 01:32

We got a present off a friend of mine so I tagged him in it.

OP posts:
Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 01:34

I think I may just come off social media.

OP posts:
CharlotteRose90 · 16/02/2021 01:37

What present was it and could he possibly be asleep. I think you’re jumping to conclusions and overreacting. I’m sure he’ll reply in the morning.

AskEvans · 16/02/2021 01:38
  1. Seriously work on your self esteem and start realising he's lucky to have you. Friends can be a great source to boost self esteem when you realise they like spending time with you. Start by writing down all the things you like or admire about yourself - this can be hard at first. At the moment he is your source of self esteem. It's impossible to love someone else if you don't love yourself first - otherwise it's codependency.
  2. Stop thinking that a man is the sole way to a happy life or that he completes you in some way. Make sure you have a happy and fulfilling life with or without a man. At the moment you are gripped with fear that he will leave and that you will be left devastated and with nothing.
  3. Stop confusing your thoughts with reality.
Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 01:39

@CharlotteRose90

What present was it and could he possibly be asleep. I think you’re jumping to conclusions and overreacting. I’m sure he’ll reply in the morning.
Wasn't anything bad. A disco light, but my friend posted it to me and used a nick name I share (bit of a Micky take)
OP posts:
yvanka · 16/02/2021 01:42

That's definitely not a dumpable offence (I was thinking you'd posted a really lovey-dovey status or something!), but to be honest if he's not big on social media then he may find it excessive that you would post a photo of a gift you received. Posting loads can appear a bit attention-seeking, even if you didn't mean it like that, and it might embarrass him if you keep doing it.

If you're already an anxious person then social media will only make that worse. Coming off it or just deleting the apps for a while would probably be a good idea and just see how you feel.

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 01:42

@AskEvans

1. Seriously work on your self esteem and start realising he's lucky to have you. Friends can be a great source to boost self esteem when you realise they like spending time with you. Start by writing down all the things you like or admire about yourself - this can be hard at first. At the moment he is your source of self esteem. It's impossible to love someone else if you don't love yourself first - otherwise it's codependency.
  1. Stop thinking that a man is the sole way to a happy life or that he completes you in some way. Make sure you have a happy and fulfilling life with or without a man. At the moment you are gripped with fear that he will leave and that you will be left devastated and with nothing.
  2. Stop confusing your thoughts with reality.
Thank you x
OP posts:
Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 01:44

@yvanka

That's definitely not a dumpable offence (I was thinking you'd posted a really lovey-dovey status or something!), but to be honest if he's not big on social media then he may find it excessive that you would post a photo of a gift you received. Posting loads can appear a bit attention-seeking, even if you didn't mean it like that, and it might embarrass him if you keep doing it.

If you're already an anxious person then social media will only make that worse. Coming off it or just deleting the apps for a while would probably be a good idea and just see how you feel.

Oh god no nothing lovey dovey even I am not like that! More of a Joke !
OP posts:
homebase123 · 16/02/2021 01:50

If he actively dislikes social media then he may end up a bit annoyed with you posting things about him. The one today wasn't too bad though and he will certainly reply tomorrow.

Deleting social media was the best thing I ever did - I never ever miss it, as obviously I don't know what I'm 'missing out' on (nothing).

I realised it only made me sad when I'd scroll past horrible news articles and anxious wondering how many likes I would get, it was so silly and toxic.

I downloaded a Sudoku app and play that when I reach for my phone now... or go on Mumsnet Grin

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 06:57

Yep he's ignoring me

OP posts:
sunflowersandbuttercups · 16/02/2021 07:01

How do you know? It's only 7am!

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 07:29

He's opened and ignored

OP posts:
PinotPony · 16/02/2021 07:31

What are you expecting him to post? Just because you've tagged him, doesn't mean he's obliged to comment or "like" your post. He's probably seen it, shrugged and started getting ready for his day.

SunFlowerRose · 16/02/2021 07:37

I have anxiety and am just like you.

Met my partner in November and our relationship is perfect, but I have days where I sit there and think why is this guy even with me.

Sometimes I read too much into him not replying etc etc. It’s a vicious circle.

I’ve found it helps when I feel like this to try and change the thoughts in my head to think of the good signs.

So instead of thinking he doesn’t care he hasn’t text me back, that means he’s not into me anymore ... I now think.. well when I saw him last he was snuggly and kissed me and we had a really nice evening and he cooked me tea.... and I sort of look at the proof that everything is fine.

I hope that makes sense?

There’s been times I’ve text him and told him about my worries but mostly I try and just deal with my own head.

SunFlowerRose · 16/02/2021 07:39

Also think of other reasons he hasn’t replied rather than just assume he’s ignoring you.

He may have read it and then for distracted by work or a phone call, fallen asleep, there are so many other reasons other than that he is ignoring you.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 16/02/2021 07:39

It's first thing in the morning!

Maybe he's gone back to sleep. Maybe he opened it and got distracted. Maybe he's in the shower or making breakfast or had to deal with an urgent work issue.

You don't know he's ignoring you, you're just getting yourself all worked up. Relax Thanks

Cpl1586407 · 16/02/2021 07:41

You need help to manage your anxiety

Blueeyedgirl21 · 16/02/2021 07:42

My partner did this at the start of our relationship and he still leaves me on read now and I do to him ! Lots of times he will open a message think ‘Aw that’s nice’ but be in the middle of something like getting ready or putting water in his washers or buying a train ticket or washing up, and when he gets a quiet moment he will reply - your fella might have read his messages when he woke up but then had to hop in the shower, get a coffee, then he can think of something to say back!

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