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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Why do I constantly worry?

83 replies

geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 01:09

Long story short, met someone in October, and I've fell head over heels! But I constantly worry if he doesn't text back straight away or I keep thinking I have upset him.
Shared something on FB with him with a stupid nickname and now I think I've upset him as he hasn't text back, (hates social media)
And here I am wide awake, work first thing in the morning and worrying again.
To be fair it would be something else if it wasn't him.
I hate feeling like this! Any advice?

OP posts:
PlinkPlink · 16/02/2021 08:10

Yeah I was gonna say... just because he hasn't replied yet doesn't mean he's ignoring you.

Something at work has interrupted his thoughts
Someone's talking to him
Someone's phoned him

There's like a whole myriad of things that could be the reason for him not replying. The fact you're worrying about it so much is a sign you need to work on yourself - some issues from a previous relationship or self esteem.

You could always message later and say "Sorry, it's just occurred to me that you might not find that funny. I was only joking."

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 08:21

Yeah I know, just feel awful and it was a funny post. I will just ask to pick my clothes up and that will be it.
Then at least it's done, and I can stop worrying. I hope this feed doesn't post on fb Grin

OP posts:
yvanka · 16/02/2021 08:42

You could ask if it's annoyed him?

bangheadhere40 · 16/02/2021 08:56

Has anything else happened that's making you anxious?

SunnySideUp2020 · 16/02/2021 09:01

What reply do you expect (in an ideal world)?
I am confused because if you simply shared a post then there's not much to reply...

Also, i don't like social media and find it a bit annoying when people tag me. Especially if it's a joke between us or something that has nothing to do with others. Perhaps he feels this way too?

It sounds like you are very nervous about pleasing this man. At this stage it should be a two way thing, and you shouldn't be left worrying about upsetting him for such small things. You are getting to know each other.

Do you think you are being a bit too demanding? Seeking his approval? Or does he not show you he likes you enough? Do you feel less than him in some ways, like you don't deserve him?
You need to ask yourself these questions and find out if it is his behaviour or the way he is causing these thoughts or if you have some insecurities or fears which are leading you to worry constantly.

Also remember your relationship is new and if you come across too intense too quick it might push some people away as they feel pressured to act/react in a certain way to calm your fears. Again, you should be yourself but it might not be for everyone. Maybe this guy is not for you.

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 09:13

Yeah I know. Your correct about it all. Just overthinking and being silly. It will be what it is. Thank you for your replies.

OP posts:
Blueeyedgirl21 · 16/02/2021 09:40

Honestly just message at lunch time saying ‘hey you ok, how’s work?’ And see what he says.

IEat · 16/02/2021 09:53

If he’s ignoring you because of a random fbk post is her really who you want to be with ?

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 10:09

That's how I am starting to think at the minute about it all.

OP posts:
Notcoolmum · 16/02/2021 10:45

If you aren't normally anxious in relationships then I'd look at how he is behaving to make you feel this way. Often our gut is screaming at us and we push it away as anxiety. As I suffer with anxiety generally, I struggle to know when it's my gut.

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 10:47

@Notcoolmum

If you aren't normally anxious in relationships then I'd look at how he is behaving to make you feel this way. Often our gut is screaming at us and we push it away as anxiety. As I suffer with anxiety generally, I struggle to know when it's my gut.
Yeah may be your right, I am an anxious person. But I seem like it's always me that's feeling like this and then end up being the bad guy.
OP posts:
Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 13:06

Well I got a message saying that he doesn't know why I am kicking off and that he's at work and will text he soon
He did ignore me all last night

OP posts:
bangheadhere40 · 16/02/2021 13:39

What did you say to him?

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 14:00

I just left it, I didn't know what to say! I'm just leaving it now

OP posts:
booboo24 · 16/02/2021 14:40

What did you say to him for him to say it is kicking off? I suffer with anxiety, have done for years, so I know where you're coming from. However when it's not your own anxiety you can see it clearer, so from the outside I'd say all is well, don't mention it again and treat him normally and it will be forgotten. If you make more of an issue of this he will get fed up as it was nothing in the first place. I will post things occasionally to my other half and he will sometimes 'like' it or comment depending on whether it needs a response, other times he won't respond at all and I'm the same, it depends what I'm doing when I see the post too as to whether I react at the time

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 15:06

Yeah it was the fact he ignored me most of the night that's making me feel like this. I haven't mentioned it again.

OP posts:
Reb1988 · 16/02/2021 15:37

It’s never ok to ignore someone
I had this same argument with my now ex
If he doesn’t have time to reply then don’t go online and look at the message
Simple really
Ignorance is a relationship killer

sunflowersandbuttercups · 16/02/2021 15:50

I really think you need to look hard and decide whether this anxiety is all on you, or whether this just isn't the right relationship for you.

I've been in relationships where communication issues caused me huge amounts of anxiety - and the text issues/anxieties were just a symptom of a much, much bigger problem.

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 15:52

@sunflowersandbuttercups

I really think you need to look hard and decide whether this anxiety is all on you, or whether this just isn't the right relationship for you.

I've been in relationships where communication issues caused me huge amounts of anxiety - and the text issues/anxieties were just a symptom of a much, much bigger problem.

Yeah I've have had a long hard think, I am going to ask for my belongings nicely and just leave it be. It just makes me ill the whole time.
OP posts:
sunflowersandbuttercups · 16/02/2021 15:54

Yeah I've have had a long hard think, I am going to ask for my belongings nicely and just leave it be. It just makes me ill the whole time.

If you're not happy, then that's definitely for the best. I've been there and it is really shit - I was made to feel like I was going crazy but when the relationship ended (several months later) I realised my anxieties were totally justified!

Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 15:57

@sunflowersandbuttercups

Yeah I've have had a long hard think, I am going to ask for my belongings nicely and just leave it be. It just makes me ill the whole time.

If you're not happy, then that's definitely for the best. I've been there and it is really shit - I was made to feel like I was going crazy but when the relationship ended (several months later) I realised my anxieties were totally justified!

Yeah I know it's not me now!
OP posts:
Original poster
geordielass1980 · 16/02/2021 16:03

So I just said I want no dramas and it's not making any of us happy and his reply was "if that's what you want"
And that his battery is going to die

OP posts:
Destinyknown · 16/02/2021 16:21

This is your gut feeling you he's not right for you.
Yes you may have anxiety but I think you know deep down this isn't about your anxiety.
I hate when ppl blame that person.
Actually who wants to be with someone who puts you on edge, ignores you and accuses you of kicking off Confused
He doesn't sound very nice to me

Destinyknown · 16/02/2021 16:21

He's also turning it on you. He's ignored you and blaming you for apparent drama

youvegottenminuteslynn · 16/02/2021 16:26

If you're honest with yourself, are you usually very anxious in relationships?

If so, you need to be proactive and have some therapy because this level is unhealthy and will make you unwell.

It will also make it very hard for you to have a healthy relationship if you don't tackle it as you are absolutely ripe for codependency and love bombing in future.

This is because if someone overbearing / smothering gives you constant attention and super quick replies etc from day one, your anxieties will feel eased and you'll think oh my god this is what it feels like when it's right and will rush the relationship too quickly before getting to know the person well enough to lay healthy foundations.

However, that is how many codependent relationships, and abusive relationships, start.

So if you have a history of feeling anxious in previous relationships it's definitely worth getting some therapy.

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