A guy I have been seeing for 3 months didn’t do anything for me on valentines

[lovewarandroses]

Hi guys I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive or if i’m justifiable in feeling this way ... so I met a guy who I thought was amazing three months ago on a dating app ...the thing is I see him once every week but what I’m pissed off with is the fact that he only texted me happy Valentine’s... he didn’t arrange to meet up with me .... do I have a right to be annoyed or am I overreacting??? I really wanted to spend Valentine’s with him and I feel let down .....

[BilboBercow]

He's not the one op. If he wanted to see more of you he'd see more of you. Had he wanted to do something for Valentine's day he would.
I also think you need to get better at telling men what you want and expect from them

[SimonJT]

If you wanted to celebrate valentines day why didn’t you tell him that?

I don’t bother with valentines, my partner does so before our first valentines he told me he would like it if I marked the day with a token gift etc. We don’t expect each other to be mind readers.

[Incrediblytired]

I think you just need to talk more.

I’ve been with my husband 15 years and we celebrate it. Not because we are obliged to but because it’s quite nice and we have our own little valentines traditions now. We don’t go out for dinner at a restaurant or buy teddies that neither of us want, but we make the effort to ensure we have a nice meal at home and get a few little thoughtful gifts such as favourite chocolates and champagne.

Our first valentines together we just said to each other “are we doing this or not?” and it’s just evolved from there. You need to do that, people aren’t mind readers and relationships are a dyad in which you must both invest in building.

[swaziscot]

You really need to talk more. There’s just no point playing guessing games in a relationship, it’s exhausting. Just ask if he wants to meet up and celebrate Valentine’s Day together. Now that it’s over you could say to him “you know what, I wish we’d seen each other on Valentine’s Day” and see what he says. Tiptoeing around will get you nowhere. Isn’t it better to be in a relationship where you totally know each other because youve always been honest and upfront.

[lovewarandroses]

Thank you for all your advice .... it’s been taken on board .... to be honest yeah maybe I should have communicated with him before Valentine’s Day that I would like to spend the day with him ... it’s my fault and also I will also start initiating meet up as he was the one doing all of that ... he sent me a good morning message today which was nice as I was feeling a bit down due to not meeting up on Valentine’s Day ...... I guess deep down I just wanted him to surprise me but I have learned my lesson .... I will speak more now .. I’m going to ask him when am I going to see you and see what he says ......

[SmileyClare]

@swaziscot

You really need to talk more. There’s just no point playing guessing games in a relationship, it’s exhausting. Just ask if he wants to meet up and celebrate Valentine’s Day together. Now that it’s over you could say to him “you know what, I wish we’d seen each other on Valentine’s Day” and see what he says. Tiptoeing around will get you nowhere. Isn’t it better to be in a relationship where you totally know each other because youve always been honest and upfront.

I agree with this. I'd be more concerned that you don't seem to have a voice in this relationship or any control rather than whether you received a flashy bouquet.

[Same4Walls]

I will speak more now .. I’m going to ask him when am I going to see you and see what he says ......

Why not just be upfront and say hey I'm free on Friday shall we meet up. By asking him when you'll see him again, you're once again putting all the expectation on him.

[MissingLinker]

So, he sent you a text. You sent him a card.
You haven't talked about how or if you celebrate Valentine's Day.
You're used to him organising everything and are assuming that it will be the same for Valentine's Day.

The problem here seems to be you expecting to be wooed by a man instead of stepping up like an autonomous adult and taking a more equal role in the relationship and communicating with your partner. There's no reason that he should be the one to organise everything.

[fuzzymoon]

Don't ask him when you're going to see him !!!

You are like a sitting duck. He arranges all the meets up and your version of taking the lead is to ask when you can see him ?

How about saying. I'm free on X date , fancy meeting up ?

[Hubblebubble75]

@lovewarandroses I think he should be wanting to see you more and asking you. It’s not like anyone’s diary is packed right now. Does he not miss you being apart a whole week? What does he plan for dates when he does see you? Does he come your way or do you go where he lives?
I think if I was a guy I’d at least send a card to you on Valentine’s Day. Zero effort in a text. Even if you don’t ‘do Valentine’s’ you have a go at something if you’re falling for someone. Why ? They are on your mind all the time! You wouldn’t forget to take an opportunity to celebrate what they mean to you and you’d err on the side of something rather than nothing if you weren’t sure they did Valentine’s themselves.

[coronaway]

This thread is just reinforcing my belief that dating advise is pretty pointless as we're all so different.

[elenacampana]

@coronaway

Definitely. Some of the responses here show how miserable some women are 🤣.

[elenacampana]

Absolutely nowhere did I mention waiting around for him.

Didn’t have to, quite frankly!

[elenacampana]

@Chewingle

Married the man, no regrets.

Never said it was a definition of romance, it was a romantic gesture and I’d thank you not to shit on a lovely thing my husband did for me when we first met.

[Hubblebubble75]

I think some people set such a low bar for blokes, they really don’t have to anything or put any effort in. If he’s not meeting expectations just up your texting, phone calls, demand more time together .. that’ll make him like you more ..

[Same4Walls]

@Hubblebubble75

I think some people set such a low bar for blokes, they really don’t have to anything or put any effort in. If he’s not meeting expectations just up your texting, phone calls, demand more time together .. that’ll make him like you more ..

Surley that's not even remotely true in this instance. From what the OP has said hes doing everything and she's passively sitting back expecting him to take the lead, read her mind and sweep her off her feet?

[Hubblebubble75]

@Same4Walls he’s making minimum effort , I’m sure there’s not much effort in arranging a date at the moment , your park or mine? He’s made zero effort for a day most women (especially newly dating) would love some recognition of feelings above a text. Now op has decided based on advice here has decided it’s all her fault and she should initiate dates and ask him ‘when am I going to see you’ . She is now entering into chasing after him , his behaviour will further deteriorate.
Whoever said this might be a troll is probably right - there was a troll on here with a very similar story a few weeks ago, taking all the bad advice then as well and getting posters to argue about chasing men/not

[Meowtha]

Thank fuck DH and I have never done Valentine's

[Same4Walls]

he’s making minimum effort

Maybe I'm reading it wrong but he's making lots more effort than the OP?

[PurpleRainDancer]

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

3 months isn't very long really. If someone started sending me flowers, chocs and gifts after only three months I'd think they were love bombing and dump them.

Give over

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

@MaeveDidIt

His behaviour was very poor in my book.
Surely he should be trying to woo you particularly at this early stage in your relationship.
Tight, lazy or emotionally clueless is what I would be wondering.

Why? Because he’s male? The OP didn’t do any of that?

[GoldenPenPot]

We’ve never even acknowledged Valentines Day never mind celebrated it. We’ve been together 5 years and have a child together. Massive overreaction.

[wellahair]

I'm sorry I don't agree with some of the posters. When one of my dating adventure was just 5 weeks in coinciding with Valentine's Day (5 dates until Valentine's Day) I still got flowers and chocolate. Even that relationship turned out he wasn't into me at the end of 7 months but still got flowers and choc. My DH's sister has also been dating someone for 2 months now and she got flowers and a present yesterday without even talking about being exclusive or not.

He isn't that into you op. I wouldn't waste anymore time and effort. If a man is interested, they will go ott especially at the beginning. Call it love bombing or not.

[lovewarandroses]

He just messaged me saying he can’t wait to see me ... I’m excited ... I didn’t end up asking him when we are meeting as he messaged me before I could do that ... thanks for the advice from now on I will be like I’m free on xyz, fancy meeting up ... and see what he says .... I’m taking all the advice on board so thank you all ...