A guy I have been seeing for 3 months didn’t do anything for me on valentines

[lovewarandroses]

Hi guys I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive or if i’m justifiable in feeling this way ... so I met a guy who I thought was amazing three months ago on a dating app ...the thing is I see him once every week but what I’m pissed off with is the fact that he only texted me happy Valentine’s... he didn’t arrange to meet up with me .... do I have a right to be annoyed or am I overreacting??? I really wanted to spend Valentine’s with him and I feel let down .....

[mummabubs]

A few thoughts in addition to what others here have said- you say you met through a dating app, have you agreed that you're exclusively dating eachother? I.e are you definitely the only person he would think of doing anything with on valentines day? Did you get him a card or ask to see him as he might be thinking the same applies to you? For what it's worth I've never done valentines day with someone I was in the early stages of seeing (and even now me and DH do a card and that's it!) so maybe he doesn't view it as a big deal? Only way you're going to find out any of the above is to ask him 😊

[MeanMrMustardSeed]

What did he say when you asked him to meet up?

[Lampan]

If Valentines Day is important to you, it’s not a great situation whichever way you look at it. Either he’s not bothered about stuff like Valentines at all, which shows you aren’t compatible there, or he thinks 3 months is too short a time to know where things are going and is avoiding any gestures that suggest otherwise.
If you have bought him stuff or sent him a card I can understand you probably feel a bit silly and maybe worried about being too full-on? On the other hand if you did nothing either to mark the occasion then you really don’t have any grounds to be annoyed with him.
I personally wouldn’t be ‘celebrating’ Valentines after only 3 months, it would feel too soon. If you haven’t spoken to him about where you both see this relationship going, I think you need to do that. It’s fair enough to want to establish if you’re on the same page.

[imalmostthere]

What did you do for him?

[Honeyroar]

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

3 months isn't very long really. If someone started sending me flowers, chocs and gifts after only three months I'd think they were love bombing and dump them.

What, even on Valentine’s Day??

[CharlotteRose90]

I think after 3 months I’d want a small box of chocolates or something. Nothing massive. What did you do for him though?

[Backtoblack1]

I would be upset too. I’ve been seeing someone for three months - we had a meal on Friday and exchanged presents. I am all for celebrating anything and everything in this climate x

[MintySpice]

It really depends on the circle/generation you're in (I'm a Millennial) but amongst couples I know, a happy Valentine's Day message is the default. Making a big deal out of Valentine's Day i.e. flowers, dates planned by the guy, fancy gifts etc feels like you're buying into commercialisation and just seems very formal and forced. Small, sweet, regular gestures are romantic. Big events and displays of "love", less so.

That being said, if you do celebrate Valentine's Day, I think it's good to mention it upfront just to make sure that you're on the same page. Communication is key.

[Louisianna16]

I'd be a bit fed up too I think, probably a bit unreasonably, but these things aren't sensible!

3 months is a good time to review the situation though, and have the "where are we going" chat. Don't get heavy with him, but dont waste more time on him if you want something long-term and he doesn't.

[Wanderlusto]

Three months in it wouldnt bother me.
However I would have had a chat about whether or not I 'do valentines day's before hand.

You could have asked him to do something on the day but you didn't. So yeah yabu to be annoyed.

[Happycat1212]

I’m surprised you didn’t discuss it with him?? And people usually want to spend Valentine’s Day with a boyfriend so they know they are not seeing anyone else, for the pp asking why she wants to spend it with him 🙄

[Hubblebubble75]

Yeah, I’d be feeling fed up about it to be honest. We can all say she needs to tell him what she expects , but really? Is romance so totally dead. He should be pulling out the stops at this early stage and shouldn’t be able to get her off his mind. Guys that have been into me have used any excuse for little presents when early dating - so valentines is an opportunity! I would be a bit annoyed he hadn’t wanted to meet and there was zero romance at this stage.

[Wanderlusto]

Yeah but its 3 months in. Full romance mode would put some people off. As pp said, it could be a little bit love bombing-ee.

[Happycat1212]

Spending time with someone on Valentine’s Day that your dating or buying them a gift is no love bombing. There are so seriously damaged women on here if they think sending someone your dating a gift on Valentine’s Day is love bombing

[Hubblebubble75]

@Happycat1212

Spending time with someone on Valentine’s Day that your dating or buying them a gift is no love bombing. There are so seriously damaged women on here if they think sending someone your dating a gift on Valentine’s Day is love bombing

Agree!

[gutful]

It’s all in the title - you’re “seeing each other” reads “we’re shagging” and suggests it’s casual.

If you had progressed then you’d be saying you were “dating” - but after 3 months of sleeping together it’s still too much to say the D word

If he wanted to D you & celebrate V day he would have locked in plans prior to the day.

The fact. Neither of you did anything for the other seems like this is a sex based relationship.

[LionLily]

"I see him once every week"
Like I saw my chiropractor before lockdown.
Are you sure you're both on the same page re this relationship. Quite sure you're not his once a week booty call? Because I would have imagined if you are dating you must have come across scenarios where you might see each other twice a week.
Even if it's "let's go and walk X park but it's only open on Mondays, then we'll take advantage of the pizza deal on Friday night" due to lockdown.
It sounds very timetabled.

[Wanderlusto]

We're in a lockdown though. Once per week is plenty really.

[MacbookHoHoHo]

How could you have seen each other during lockdown? Just walked round for a bit..?

Aside from that, I get why you’re upset. On MN you’re going to get replies like, “Well, if you didn’t take a full body cast of yourself in gold and have it biked round to him by a trio of fire-eating choirboys singing his favourite songs while holding a cheque for £300k, you deserve to die alone,” but I take a different view.

When blokes like you, they acknowledge V-day with more than a text. They just do.

You’re at the 3-month stage when men decide whether they’re in or out. Sounds like he’s out.

[lockdownbreakdown]

I'm afraid I dont think he is that into you. When a man is into you , you know all about it. Ditto when he isnt. This guy just isnt that into you so if you are looking for a long term, committed relationship where he is in love with you. This isnt it. Sorry! Also once a week would never be enough if he was serious about you. When it's the right guy you just cant cope with being apart. Sorry. I wouldn't waste anymore of your precious time.

[ImprobablePuffin]

How old are you? I do think some people may be being overly harsh as you could be quite young but also the points re what did you discuss/what did you do for him are still valid

[Mayzee]

I think the comments on here about meeting once a week are crazy either one of them might have children and that’s all that’s possible at this stage when you wouldn’t be introducing children!

[Happycat1212]

I didn’t really get the once a week comments either?! This is Mumsnet and I get you have people on here that don’t have children but there is a high possibility that she does so how would she see a boyfriend more than once a week? I’m a single parent so couldn’t see a boyfriend more than once a week so that makes it just a booty call then, who knew I’m sure if she had a bf of 3 months round her children people would be slating that as well. Once a week seems normal to me.

[TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross]

Am also keen to know what you did for him to celebrate Valentine’s Day?

Am presuming, because you’re pissed off, that you sent a card and flowers, and suggested meeting up, and that he sent nothing, didn’t thank you for your gifts and rejected your suggestion to meet up...?

[24butfeeling80]

I’d give him another chance; he may not have checked his crystal ball that day to see what you wanted.