A guy I have been seeing for 3 months didn’t do anything for me on valentines

[lovewarandroses]

Hi guys I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive or if i’m justifiable in feeling this way ... so I met a guy who I thought was amazing three months ago on a dating app ...the thing is I see him once every week but what I’m pissed off with is the fact that he only texted me happy Valentine’s... he didn’t arrange to meet up with me .... do I have a right to be annoyed or am I overreacting??? I really wanted to spend Valentine’s with him and I feel let down .....

[chillibeansauce]

Im sorry OP but you may not be on the same page as him.
You need to be brave and speak together to establish whether he sees this as a blossoming relationship and if it's just you and him exclusively, or, if it's a once weekly, no strings attached thing. It's good that valentines has happened and prompted you to establish if he wants what you want or if you need to make a call on whether you want to continue like this or not. I agree with PP though if he's keen (and also into valentines) then he would have made himself noticed with a gesture. Good luck

[Nanny2many]

It’s interesting you didn’t discuss it with him. Either because it’s still early days or because you don’t feel comfortable enough to open up about things like this

[ShutUpAlex]

he was probably spending it with his wife

Classic mumsnet

[bloodyhairy]

3 months isn't very long really. If someone started sending me flowers, chocs and gifts after only three months I'd think they were love bombing and dump them.

Wow. And I thought that online dating had made me jaded.

[Crappyfridays7]

Did you talk about it before?
I met my current boyfriend on 5 Feb and we exchanged cards and a small gift(2 years ago) to mark the day as we were going out that day so booked for dinner etc. Was lovely. But we talked about it, discussed what we’d do. However the last 2 we’ve not done anything as we do something on the 5th instead.

Did you do anything for him?...
When my dbf & I started dating I did lots of little things for him, sent him a lovely mug, a little penguin keyring, popped his fave chocs over to him. Just little gestures he did similar for me. Was nice and fun, he’s a v thoughtful and generous man. Maybe your boyfriend needs a nudge or you both need to communicate better

[RealisRare]

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

3 months isn't very long really. If someone started sending me flowers, chocs and gifts after only three months I'd think they were love bombing and dump them.

Really?

[BendingSpoons]

People have very different views on Valentines Day. YABU if you didn't suggest meeting up on Sunday and are then annoyed.

[Ihopeyourcakeisshit]

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

3 months isn't very long really. If someone started sending me flowers, chocs and gifts after only three months I'd think they were love bombing and dump them.

Say what now?!

[SmileyClare]

Why start a thread and not engage with it? Maybe answer some of the questions here or explain the situation better so you can be advised? Are you this passive when messaging your amazing boyfriend? He can't read your mind!

As it stands, you've only met up a few times. With covid, it's even more tricky to date or spend time intimately so I'd advise keeping your feet on the ground and not getting carried away with thoughts of true everlasting love just yet.

[lovewarandroses]

Hi all it’s OP here thanks for all the messages I have read them all ... I’m 31 and he is 39 and we don’t have children and no I didn’t get him anything except a card ( my bad ) so I guess I can’t be annoyed at him and also I didn’t ask Him anything as I was hoping he would make plans as usually does with us meeting .... just to clarify we only meet once per week because of lockdown and restrictions but I would like to meet him more like twice per week .... we are also exclusively dating as he told me he wasn’t interested in dating other people but only me and wanted to build a future with me..... I’m not too sure what to make of this as some have suggested that he is not that into me ... he also told me that he is falling in love with me and that he really likes me but I’m not too sure anymore as his actions doesn’t really suggest so...

[MaLarkinn]

My lovely boyfriend of 8 years got me nothing, I got him nothing.
And we love each other very much.
It's just a bullshit day to me and flowers would be my worst nightmare.

[MaLarkinn]

Op, dont6let the he's not that into texts take up too much headspace.
They are strangers on the internet, they don't even know you!!

[RedskyBynight]

If he's usually the one that makes plans and you didn't even mention Valentine's Day, maybe he is waiting for you to take more of a lead?

Perhaps you both just need a frank conversation.

[SmileyClare]

Hmm I'd judge him on his actions rather than his words at this stage. .he wants to build a future, is falling in love with you etc but only wants to meet one day a week ( on his conditions).

If you have formed a single person's bubble then there are no restrictions on how frequently you can meet? Why do you think that, I mean presumably you're sleeping together so social distancing doesn't apply here?

Start by being honest about how you feel with him. The dynamic feels a little "off" in that you leave all decisions or arrangements up to him. Why not suggest meeting twice in a week and see how that goes? Take back some control here.

[Onelifeonly]

Not everyone is into buying tons of gifts for their OH and not everyone is into Valentine's day either. Many people may see it primarily as a commercial thing promoted by businesses. Not everyone has the same values. As witnessed by the responses.

I don't think there's anything wrong with buying a valentine's gift after "only 3 months". Nor for one person to buy something for a new partner when the partner doesn't. Early on you don't know each other's likes and dislikes to that extent, and haven't built up your own traditions. (My DH bought me a Christmas present about 6 weeks after we first got together- nothing OTT. I was pleased but hadn't considered getting him anything. It wasn't a big deal nor a sign of our incompatibility.)

Also it's hardly romantic to tell someone you are buying them something.

OP your update sounds like you were happy with this relationship until VD occurred. Personally I'd forget about it and move on - with him, I mean.

[Onelifeonly]

Also ask him if he will meet more often. Strangers on the internet can't read his mind and have exagerated your doubts where there may be no cause for them.

[TheyIsMyFamily]

It's a Hallmark holiday; don't judge your entire relationship on him not celebrating it, especially if you didn't tell him you would like to.

[Hubblebubble75]

I do think actions speak volumes. If he doesn’t want to spend money or do gifts - why couldn’t he still meet you at least or suggest it? Why do you have to push for more meet ups? When a guy really likes you he’ll want to meet up at every opportunity!
Perhaps, you just need to be honest with him at this stage. If he’s falling for you, hopefully he won’t be scared off with just being a bit honest that v day was a bit of a let down and to understand his thoughts.

[Krispyk]

@Happycat1212

Spending time with someone on Valentine’s Day that your dating or buying them a gift is no love bombing. There are so seriously damaged women on here if they think sending someone your dating a gift on Valentine’s Day is love bombing

Yup, the idea that sending flowers or chocolates 3 months in is 'love-bombing' is ludicrous, I expect this at the beginning of a relationship, never mind in a marriage or long term partnership.

I love getting flowers, I buy them for myself every week, and who in their right mind would be upset if a man gave you a box of handmade Belgian chocolates. Although I would be happy with a Double Decker as well

[MaeveDidIt]

His behaviour was very poor in my book.
Surely he should be trying to woo you particularly at this early stage in your relationship.
Tight, lazy or emotionally clueless is what I would be wondering.

[LivBa]

@Destinyknown

Sorry to say but he's just not that into you. Men who want to show you they are into you don't leave anything to question.
My now husband sent me a massive bouquet of flowers to my work the first valentine's Day. I was so so embarrassed looking back he was just really excited and trying his best to show he was into me.

100% this. This is the exciting period of dating! If a guy likes a woman and sees things potentially progressing (which he will certainly feel within 3 months) men naturally want to impress and they take the lead. I don't know why posters are asking what you did for him and missing the point completely. @lovewarandroses I totally get you were seeing what he would come up with on his own without any perceived pressure from you or embarrassing yourself by giving him gift/card and he's empty handed . If he was keen on you but wasn't sure what you were thinking about Valentine's day, believe me he would have brought it up himself because he would care about checking how you felt and what you may be expecting.

If those once a week meetings include sex or fooling around I would put an end to it pronto. He's very likely just seeing you as a booty call or something to pass the time during boring lockdown/social restrictions.

[Bluntness100]

@MaeveDidIt

His behaviour was very poor in my book.
Surely he should be trying to woo you particularly at this early stage in your relationship.
Tight, lazy or emotionally clueless is what I would be wondering.

And would you feel the same about the op. If she did nothing and didn’t tell him she wished to see him or give him anything?

[Bluntness100]

@lovewarandroses

Hi all it’s OP here thanks for all the messages I have read them all ... I’m 31 and he is 39 and we don’t have children and no I didn’t get him anything except a card ( my bad ) so I guess I can’t be annoyed at him and also I didn’t ask Him anything as I was hoping he would make plans as usually does with us meeting .... just to clarify we only meet once per week because of lockdown and restrictions but I would like to meet him more like twice per week .... we are also exclusively dating as he told me he wasn’t interested in dating other people but only me and wanted to build a future with me..... I’m not too sure what to make of this as some have suggested that he is not that into me ... he also told me that he is falling in love with me and that he really likes me but I’m not too sure anymore as his actions doesn’t really suggest so...

Sorry didn’t read this. Do you think maybe he’s thinking the same about uou? Did you actually give him the card? He could be sitting thinking she never makes plans or even asks to see me. Three months in and it’s still on me..

[Hubblebubble75]

@LivBa spot on 👍🏻👏

[AlternativePerspective]

So it was ok for the OP to do nothing but because he didn’t he’s in the wrong and she should get rid? Double standards much?

TBH if I were in the position to be dating I would make any man in my life very aware of the fact that I don’t do valentines, never have, and wouldn’t be just to fulfil some kind of expectation...

If he wasn’t ok with that then I would assume he wasn’t the right person for me.