A guy I have been seeing for 3 months didn’t do anything for me on valentines

[lovewarandroses]

Hi guys I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive or if i’m justifiable in feeling this way ... so I met a guy who I thought was amazing three months ago on a dating app ...the thing is I see him once every week but what I’m pissed off with is the fact that he only texted me happy Valentine’s... he didn’t arrange to meet up with me .... do I have a right to be annoyed or am I overreacting??? I really wanted to spend Valentine’s with him and I feel let down .....

[peak2021]

He may be into you but not Valentines Day. Hope that is the case.

[SmileyClare]

would you feel the same about the Op. If she did nothing and didn't tell him she wished to see him

I would say Op is sitting back and letting this man take the lead. This has resulted in a once weekly meet up for sex to put it bluntly.
It's perhaps dawning on Op that for all her bf's words and platitudes he hasn't demonstrated that this is anything more than that. His actions are not showing he wants more or "sees a future" as he says. Op is giving the green light to this by sitting passively in the driving seat and letting him steer everything.

I think his lack of effort on Valentine's day has probably confirmed op's suspicions.

[LivBa]

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

3 months isn't very long really. If someone started sending me flowers, chocs and gifts after only three months I'd think they were love bombing and dump them.

This can't be a serious post, surely

[roastpotatoesss]

Why does he make all the plans? That stands out as a bigger issue for me than Valentines- as PP have said maybe he's just not a big Valentines person generally.

That being said if he genuinely saw you as in a relationship it is very strange he didn't mention it at all. I'd been with my now partner for a month when Valentines came around (some years ago) and they text me to say didn't know if I should get you something or if it's too soon for that, so I replied and said maybe we should have a talk about what we are next time we see one another to avoid any confusion in future? We subsequently had the conversation when we next met and agreed to be official- it seems like you need to have a similar adult conversation with this guy.

I have also been in situations where I've been 'seeing someone' for several months and they've said all the same things about seeing a future and falling for me and they all ended up with me being dumped or ghosted- actions absolutely speak louder than words, and any man that wants to be with you will not mess about.

[SorryStateOfAffairs]

3 months isn't very long really. If someone started sending me flowers, chocs and gifts after only three months I'd think they were love bombing and dump them.

This can't be a serious post, surely

If someone sent me chocolates and flowers after 3 months, I'd dump them on the basis that tthey didn't know me very well; lacked imagination; and had a bit of a 'she's a woman, women like flowers and chocolates. Ergo, I shall buy her flowers and chocolates' attitude.

When i was in my 20s, I went completely off a man who told me that, if I dated him, he'd buy me roses and chocolates. It's just so dull and cliched.

The man who bought me a bag of drumstick squishes because I'd mentioned weeks earlier that drumsticks were my favourite lollies however..

[LivBa]

@SmileyClare

would you feel the same about the Op. If she did nothing and didn't tell him she wished to see him

I would say Op is sitting back and letting this man take the lead. This has resulted in a once weekly meet up for sex to put it bluntly.
It's perhaps dawning on Op that for all her bf's words and platitudes he hasn't demonstrated that this is anything more than that. His actions are not showing he wants more or "sees a future" as he says. Op is giving the green light to this by sitting passively in the driving seat and letting him steer everything.

I think his lack of effort on Valentine's day has probably confirmed op's suspicions.

I'm always really surprised that some grown up women don't realise by now that men know exactly the "right things" to say to a woman to get her into bed and provide regular easy sex.

If they went round saying, "you're only a piece of meat for me to have sex with and chat with in order to boost my ego/stop boredom and I'm planning on dumping you in time (or getting you to dump me so I'm not the bad guy)" ...hardly any women will jump into the role, would they?

ALL men know from movies and general culture what women love to hear. They literally repeat "i see a future with you" crap ad verbatim and some women are gullible enough to continuously fall for hese same old lines even when actions don't match up at all. Men would find it hard to get regular no strings sex otherwise.

[Griefmonster]

OP - what did his message to you say? And how did he respond to the card you gave/sent him?

On the face of it, not doing anything for VD when you have had no conversation about it, is really not a big deal. If this is going to be a decent relationship then you need to be clear about expectations.

My first VD with my DH (of almost 20 years) was a dlbit of a disappointment - I thought I had made clear I thought presents and dinner were naff but a card was nice. He just heard VD is naff. So I gave him a card, he gave me nothing and I said - "er... Where's my card?" He's a nice man so next year comes round, he remembers I like a card and we exchange cards. No harm no foul.

Tell him you were disappointed and see where it goes from there. Working out how you do things as a couple is a conversation between the 2 of you. Not a secret test, with social media as your guage of whether he passed or not.

[Bluntness100]

Op I guess the question is how long do you need to be seeing someone before you feel you can be proactive? This is three months in and your still expecting him to pursue you, at what point do you feel able to say “hey want to see each other for valentines (or whatever )”

Because if I was him ans I was still having to do all the running, I’d think you weren’t interested and it wasn’t worth the effort. Equal relationships is where it’s at. This isn’t the 16th century.

[NiceTwin]

Fuss about nothing.

[MintySpice]

@Bluntness100

Op I guess the question is how long do you need to be seeing someone before you feel you can be proactive? This is three months in and your still expecting him to pursue you, at what point do you feel able to say “hey want to see each other for valentines (or whatever )”

Because if I was him ans I was still having to do all the running, I’d think you weren’t interested and it wasn’t worth the effort. Equal relationships is where it’s at. This isn’t the 16th century.

Spot on!

[AgentJohnson]

and who in their right mind would be upset if a man gave you a box of handmade Belgian chocolates.

Er, me. Generic gifts for a bullshit day don’t impress me.

Contrary to popular belief not every woman thinks Valentine’s Day is something to be celebrated. The pressure on men to perform for such a shameless commercial event is laughable.

I think it’s telling OP that you expected a grand gesture from him but you only bought him a card, entitled much. If you don’t want to be disappointed, then you need to be explicit with your expectations.

[Cadent]

I was hoping he would make plans as usually does with us meeting .... just to clarify we only meet once per week because of lockdown and restrictions but I would like to meet him more like twice per week

Is he paying for all the dates? Maybe cash is tight?

[Same4Walls]

@Bluntness100

Op I guess the question is how long do you need to be seeing someone before you feel you can be proactive? This is three months in and your still expecting him to pursue you, at what point do you feel able to say “hey want to see each other for valentines (or whatever )”

Because if I was him ans I was still having to do all the running, I’d think you weren’t interested and it wasn’t worth the effort. Equal relationships is where it’s at. This isn’t the 16th century.

This literally sums up the whole situation. You're in your 30s why on earth should he be expected to continually make all the plans and do the chasing. That's the sort of thing silly teenagers who have watched way too many rom coms expect.

[yvanka]

My lovely boyfriend of 8 years got me nothing, I got him nothing.

Same here, but we're in an established relationship where we both know that the other one doesn't care. He should have at least checked what the OP's expectations were really.

[Destinyknown]

Everyone is missing the point.

OP was upset that the guy she has been seeing didn't mention or celebrate valentine's Day. Yes some may say get over it or its bullshit but it mattered to OP.
My point is if OP wants to celebrate it and feel special and guy she's seeing doesn't then they are not compatible.
I'd be upset if my husband didn't mark the occasion, I love being spoiled but each to their own. It's not for anyone to judge.
This is more to do with compatability and romantic compatibility which feeds into whether a relationship will work or not.
If one person isn't romantic and the other earns for romance this will just be a disappointing set up.

[elenacampana]

Someone sent me a gorgeous bouquet after 3 weeks once... and 5.5 years later I’m very happily married to him. It’s called romance. @Shehasadiamondinthesky

I’d be questioning it as well OP.

[Cadent]

@Destinyknown

He texted her happy Valentine’s Day, that’s pretty good for someone who has arranged all the meet-ups so far for someone he met in a pandemic.

[Bluntness100]

@elenacampana

Someone sent me a gorgeous bouquet after 3 weeks once... and 5.5 years later I’m very happily married to him. It’s called romance. *@Shehasadiamondinthesky*

I’d be questioning it as well OP.

Really? So three months in you didn’t tell him when you wished to see him, you did nothing but wait passively for him to suggest things?

[SummerBlondey]

It was an opportunity for him to be romantic wasn't it? And he chose not to bother. At 39 he really should know better about how to woo a woman. I'd be very unimpressed.

[Destinyknown]

Cadent as I've said you've missed the point. It might be fine for your expectations but not for OP. And if OP is disappointed now it shows a lack of compatibility.
I'm sure deep down op probably knows that he's probably not suited to her.

Feels like Mumsnet finest ...zero expectations and woe betide anyone who disagrees with you and wants to have romance ....you're lynched for being pathetic, weak and desperate....

OP you have standards. You need to be with someone on the same page as you.

[SmileyClare]

if the guy she's seeing doesn't want to celebrate (Valentine's day) then they're not compatible

You'd finish a relationship if the man didn't celebrate Valentine's day? That seems drastic.

[Bluntness100]

@Destinyknown

Cadent as I've said you've missed the point. It might be fine for your expectations but not for OP. And if OP is disappointed now it shows a lack of compatibility.
I'm sure deep down op probably knows that he's probably not suited to her.

Feels like Mumsnet finest ...zero expectations and woe betide anyone who disagrees with you and wants to have romance ....you're lynched for being pathetic, weak and desperate....

OP you have standards. You need to be with someone on the same page as you.

Well this is silly. 😂

What’s being said is after three months you should have an equal relationship and not be sitting patiently waiting for a man to suggest every meet up.


Of course you should have expectations. But you can’t have expectations whilst doing fuck all youtself.

[Cadent]

@Destinyknown Maybe this man has standards too? Like wanting OP to arrange something for once?!

[Chewingle]

@elenacampana

Someone sent me a gorgeous bouquet after 3 weeks once... and 5.5 years later I’m very happily married to him. It’s called romance. *@Shehasadiamondinthesky*

I’d be questioning it as well OP.

It’s your definition of romance, which is fair enough.

Not mine.

[Justmuddlingalong]

He's possibly becoming pissed off that he's having to do all the organisation of dates.
And you're pissed off that he's not organising enough.
Why don't you take more responsibility instead of complaining he's not reaching your expectations?