He liked a naked video of his ex. Last straw?

[tumbleit]

I'm prepared to be told I'm overreacting, hopefully I am because it's bothering me so much.
I'm pregnant, due in 4 weeks. partner is very active on social media, always has been and not really a problem. He has a lot of friends on there which I know are not all friends, he has about 2500 friends on Facebook for example.
I've noticed he always "likes" photos of women, always sexy posy ones. It has always bothered me. Always has made me feel crap, but I've never said anything because I thought I was being silly, so ignored. The other day I noticed he "liked" a video, of his ex from a long long time ago, naked, dancing. Actually naked. Obviously the lighting in the video covered bits sort of but you can clearly see she's naked and the outline of her whole body. When I saw he liked it, I just thought enough is enough, I'm heavily pregnant, he doesn't compliment me a great deal, I find it very disrespectful.

So, I brought it up. I said could you stop liking other women's photos on social media, it makes me feel really shit. His reply was he went mad, said I was being ridiculous, he said they were just friends and I was being unreasonable. I stood my ground, said no, I don't find it acceptable and it needs to stop. He said he's just being complimentary. He agreed to stop reluctantly but I don't know if he will. Im not a particularly insecure person either, I'm happy with my body, even pregnant, I feel ok with myself usually, but this has knocked my confidence.

Am I being unreasonable here?

No you’re not.
But you should have said it the first time it bothered you and made you feel crap.

His behaviour leaves a really bad taste OP. If he doesn’t change you need to think of the messages his behaviour will send to your son or daughter! Stay strong and never think you need to keep your feelings to yourself in a relationship for fear of being called silly

Women deserve better than this

Yes your right I should have, but I honestly thought I'd be told I was being ridiculous. Which is the exact reaction I got.

You didn't say anything because you knew he'd shout your feelings down by saying you're being silly.
You weren't actually being silly. Your feeling are actually valid and his behaviour is creepy. Just because he tells you you're being silly doesn't actually mean you are.
So now he has belittled you and made you feel horrid by looking at and liking women's pictures , he now has made you feel worse by dismissing your feelings.

Frankly, it's creepy as fuck and completely inappropriate. I'm more concerned that he went mad at you, unless we have seriously different ideas of what going mad at someone entails. Does he often go mad when you express an opinion he disagrees with?

Nope, he sounds like a disrespectful dick tbh.

Yes that's true @fuzzymoon , He actually said "so I can't have any female friends now then?" I know this is gaslighting, I've read about it enough. He's said he won't do it anymore now, and he half heartedly apologised but it's still left me feeling awful. He tried to deny it at first too which I shot down right away because I had seen with my own eyes!

What’s the relationship like apart from this issue?

@TooTrueToBeGood he often says I'm being ridiculous if I tell him something he does or says makes me feel uncomfortable. For example he used to always talk about ex's and his past, so I told him it was off putting, he said I was being ridiculous then too. When I say he went mad, I mean he got very defensive and angry, shook his head stood up and had a massive go at me saying how ridiculous I was being and he can't believe I'd even brought it up. He threatened to walk out, said he was fed up of me being so unreasonable. I just kept my cool and kept repeating that I found it disrespectful. He did eventually back down and say ok I won't do it anymore because I don't want the argument.

Friends don't ogle each other naked. I wonder if he's liking any pictures of his male friends?

@nimbuscloud it's ok, we're quite happy mostly, he's got depression, is insecure himself and I spend a lot of time trying to make him feel good, he can be hard work because of this but I do make allowances for it as I've had depression before and know how horrible it is. But I feel like I'm always building him up, and he's pulling me down.

@WineInTheWillows nope funnily enough he doesn't like "normal" photos. There is one girl on his Facebook, he's liked every single sexy revealing pic, but not any of her kids or family ones... says it all doesn't it.

[quote tumbleit]@TooTrueToBeGood he often says I'm being ridiculous if I tell him something he does or says makes me feel uncomfortable. For example he used to always talk about ex's and his past, so I told him it was off putting, he said I was being ridiculous then too. When I say he went mad, I mean he got very defensive and angry, shook his head stood up and had a massive go at me saying how ridiculous I was being and he can't believe I'd even brought it up. He threatened to walk out, said he was fed up of me being so unreasonable. I just kept my cool and kept repeating that I found it disrespectful. He did eventually back down and say ok I won't do it anymore because I don't want the argument. [/quote]
Threatening to walk out (and you being heavily pregnant to boot) over a difference of opinion over liking FB posts? Jesus, the mind boggles.

Why exactly are you with him? At the very least, from what you've told us so far, he is a complete knob. My gut instinct is that if you were to tell us more he's almost certainly an abusive knob. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? What positives does he bring to make up for his negatives?

Op do you realize that when he likes other people photos and videos its open for everyone to see. Do you realize he is humiliating you? Making you look like a fool. And himself a sleaze. Yes we know the type, with 2500 friends and likes sleazy photos.
His reaction tells you everything.

What a knob. If my partner liked a naked pic of his ex (why is he even on his ex's social media) he would be out the door no matter how much grovelling he did. But your fella takes the biscuit arguing that not only is it ok but you are the one with the problem and why can't he have female friends?! Total I'm going to squirm out of this and play victim card. Also huge red flag 2500 followers- total narc behaviour if he needs that many strangers watching his posts.

I absolutely feel for you, you are in an utter shit situation. I hope you manage to untangle yourself from this abuser and find some happiness being free!

[quote tumbleit]@WineInTheWillows nope funnily enough he doesn't like "normal" photos. There is one girl on his Facebook, he's liked every single sexy revealing pic, but not any of her kids or family ones... says it all doesn't it.[/quote]
It does rather. It just proves that it's not the friendship that motivates his liking of the photos.

I made this post because I feel like I'm starting to realise there are patterns in his behaviour and the answer is no, I don't want to live like this, I actually think if I wasn't about to have our baby I might have walked myself. I'm struggling to be ok with him now, like I've lost a bit of respect for him, I feel embarrassed and unwanted. I do realise others can see yes, that's how I found out, a couple friends had mentioned he constantly likes certain women's photos. He said he would stop and apologised so now I feel I have to get over it and move on. But truth is I feel so rubbish about it.

Firstly who even uses Facebook anymore? Are there even 2500 active users?

Secondly, leave.

Ugh he’s so disrespectful. Unfortunately though this is one of a few things that ultimately never stop and break people up eventually.

You need to have a serious conversation with him, to be honest. About how disrespectful it is. How would he feel if you did the same?

eugh. LTB

@Doomsdayiscoming I use Facebook, however I have 200 friends on there and all people I know personally, I never like photos like he does really don't, I've always scrolled on past. He would feel absolutely devastated if I was doing it, he's very insecure anyway, which I think is probably part of why he acts like he does?

I know I need to leave. But I'm about to have our baby, I just havent the strength to leave right now.

Disrespectful OP.

Don't let him gaslight you.

Ask him how he'd feel if you did the same with naked men? Tell him you need to sort this out once and for all as even other people have noticed and have commented. It not normal pics it's sexy snaps and it's bringing you down and annoying you.

Over 2,000 'friends' on Facebook is ridiculous too, and the kind of thing my teenage daughter used to have.

Seriously the amount of drama I’ve seen on this site the last few days over bloody Facebook posts.

all he’s done is press a tumbs up button on a social media platform

Everyone’s lives would be so much better without bloody Facebook - it’s ridiculous.

No, that would annoy me. That's very disrespectful - why on earth does he need to click the like button? I see other people's partners doing this and it's just terrible taste.