He liked a naked video of his ex. Last straw?

[tumbleit]

I'm prepared to be told I'm overreacting, hopefully I am because it's bothering me so much.
I'm pregnant, due in 4 weeks. partner is very active on social media, always has been and not really a problem. He has a lot of friends on there which I know are not all friends, he has about 2500 friends on Facebook for example.
I've noticed he always "likes" photos of women, always sexy posy ones. It has always bothered me. Always has made me feel crap, but I've never said anything because I thought I was being silly, so ignored. The other day I noticed he "liked" a video, of his ex from a long long time ago, naked, dancing. Actually naked. Obviously the lighting in the video covered bits sort of but you can clearly see she's naked and the outline of her whole body. When I saw he liked it, I just thought enough is enough, I'm heavily pregnant, he doesn't compliment me a great deal, I find it very disrespectful.

So, I brought it up. I said could you stop liking other women's photos on social media, it makes me feel really shit. His reply was he went mad, said I was being ridiculous, he said they were just friends and I was being unreasonable. I stood my ground, said no, I don't find it acceptable and it needs to stop. He said he's just being complimentary. He agreed to stop reluctantly but I don't know if he will. Im not a particularly insecure person either, I'm happy with my body, even pregnant, I feel ok with myself usually, but this has knocked my confidence.

Am I being unreasonable here?

@Heyahun I know it sounds petty, that's why it took me so long to even bring it up.

He's disrespectful and he's gaslighting you. Liking women's sexy photos when you have a partner and a baby on the way is gross. It's something a teenage boy would do.

Is he one of those people with 3000 friends and likes
everything .

He sounds gross. And I don’t think I could look at him the same way again.

@rwalker

Is he one of those people with 3000 friends and likes everything .

No he has 2500 friends and only likes pictures of naked women

YANBU.

Id find it a massive turn off, whether he means anything by it or not. He's a letch. Also, having 2500 friends on Facebook just seems ridiculous and sad. Does he add anyone he hears of? There's no way he knows that many people.

Not my cup of tea at all.

And well done you on sticking up for yourself. You were 100% right to call him out on it.

@Heyahun

Seriously the amount of drama I’ve seen on this site the last few days over bloody Facebook posts.

all he’s done is press a tumbs up button on a social media platform

Everyone’s lives would be so much better without bloody Facebook - it’s ridiculous.

All he has done is be a pathetic creep.

@rwalker

Is he one of those people with 3000 friends and likes everything .

No, he doesn't like everything, mainly sexy half naked or actually naked women! Doesn't seem to like much else on there

@sunnyzweibrucken

He sounds gross. And I don’t think I could look at him the same way again.

That's the problem I'm having...

It's like he's walking down the street with you, going phwoar and openly leering at every woman he finds attractive. It's repellant behaviour and says a lot about his attitude to women.

What exactly attracted you to him and made you want a child with him OP? Does he have any saving graces because right now he sounds like an absolute knob.

@Clymene when we first met, he was so lovely, he seemed to care so much about me, really liked me, made me happy really, made me feel secure, complimented me a lot ect, we got on really well, had so much in common. He did always have a bit of a wondering eye.. in the sense he would make comments on celebs on tv, but I thought that was normal. I didn't notice his attitude to women till I was pregnant. I found him chatting to a girl online when I was a couple months pregnant, told him I wouldn't stand for it, he stopped, and we were fine. It was just chatting, flirting and he did stop when I told him to so I got over it mostly. I now see this was a red flag. Then I started to notice he would like all these photos on Facebook... it has bothered me for months but I just knew he would say I was being a dick by even mentioning it, but it's got to the point where I now see that his behaviour isn't ok, and making me feel like this isn't ok either.

The talking about exs all the time is called 'narcissistic triangulation'. And its deliberate, in order to make you feel 'am I not good enough?'.

And he's also a creepy gaslighting wanker.

I'd get out now, before the baby comes and you're so tired for the next few years that you continue to put up with his shit. And after that, you're too worn down and broken to leave.

Nope I wouldn't have this. My partner is big on SM but only likes gym / Heath related stuff if girls are in it. He certainly doesn't like girls pictures as a whole, Especially not Ex's. He's a pig OP sorry. It's disrespectful.

Always has made me feel crap, but I've never said anything because I thought I was being silly, so ignored

NEVER NEVER NEVER do this again. In any relationship, friendship, with any family member, with any colleague.

Always respect your feelings. They are what makes you you. They are the core of you. They have a function: They signal to you what your boundaries are, where you should be, where you shouldn't be, who you should be with, who you shouldn't be with. They are signposts. Do not ignore them. If you do, other people will ignore them too.

You know how shit it feels when someone disregards how you feel? That's what you're doing to yourself, and thereby knocking down the fence and allowing everybody else (your boyfriend, in this instance) to do the same.

Next time someone does something that makes you feel crap, calmly tell them that what they did made you feel crap. Decide the future of the relationship on their response to this. If they are geared towards wanting you to feel better, good. That's called respect. If they are geared towards minimising or ignoring your feelings so that they can continue doing the thing that makes you feel crap, then put distance between you and them, and spend as little time as you can with them.

I think we know what camp your partner falls into.

Your feelings are all you have. You could have all the world's riches and privileges, you could live in a mansion on a golden white tropical beach and had a genie to bring you everything you desired, but if you felt crap, none of that would really matter, would it? Looking after YOUR feelings is your priority. Any decent partner will prioritise your feelings too; not necessarily to the extent of changing themselves, but to the extent of wanting to find a compromise, so that your feelings are respected equally to theirs.

it has bothered me for months but I just knew he would say I was being a dick by even mentioning it

He doesn't care about you, OP. He's not got the slightest interest in your wellbeing. I'm so sorry.

He lovebombs you to make you stay and look after him like a mother, while he acts like a teenage boy with no responsibility and who's never going to grow up.
Has he a decent job?
If he's depressed he needs to see the GP. Telling you about it won't make it go away.

All he has done is be a pathetic creep.

Good correction, but let's be clear, that is not all he has done. There's the gaslighting, the physical intimidation and threatening to leave her when she is as vulnerable and in need of security as a woman can be.

@sadie9

He lovebombs you to make you stay and look after him like a mother, while he acts like a teenage boy with no responsibility and who's never going to grow up. Has he a decent job? If he's depressed he needs to see the GP. Telling you about it won't make it go away.

Yeah he has a good job, works full time although on furlough at the moment. He has seen his gp and is on antidepressants.

@TooTrueToBeGood

All he has done is be a pathetic creep.

Good correction, but let's be clear, that is not all he has done. There's the gaslighting, the physical intimidation and threatening to leave her when she is as vulnerable and in need of security as a woman can be.

That's a very very good point, that he threatens to leave when I'm at my most vulnerable. I didn't really think about it before. Oh god I don't know what to do, I know I should leave, I actually know it won't work long term but I honestly don't have the strength to just leave right now.

What's the house situation? (Owned/rented? Who's name?). Be agse ideally,he should be the one leaving.

*because

Who puts naked videos of themselves on FB? Or revealing photos? Why would anyone do that? Anyway I suppose if a friend who I knew really well did do that ( extremely unlikely ). I would probably like, but it's not worth getting upset about really.

Private rented, both our names. Can't see him leaving.

@Sootybear

Who puts naked videos of themselves on FB? Or revealing photos? Why would anyone do that? Anyway I suppose if a friend who I knew really well did do that ( extremely unlikely ). I would probably like, but it's not worth getting upset about really.

Well she did... it was a tik tok originally that she shared on her Facebook. Like I said you can't see her full on vagina but you can fully see the outline of her naked body, boobs and all, and she's dancing. She looks good to be fair, but I found it a kick in the guts when I saw my partners name under it for all to see!

Do you know about DARVO, @tumbleit?

It's what he's doing to you. When you pick him up on something, he tries to deny it, and makes you feel like the one who's done something wrong.