Court order | Mumsnet

Leanne1191 · 2021-02-06T21:01:22+00:00

Hi, If my ex has applied for a court order stating he wants to see our children every other weekend from Friday to Sunday can I try and negotiate with him in front of the judge that I want him to have them more than just every other weekend so I can work and also provide for the children? Secondly, will it just go in his favour because he has brought the court order forward and has requested to see them when he wants? Also he asked for mediation and I got the letter but never heard anything after and he has put on the court paper work that mediation was attended when it wasn't? Just need advice please.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 06/02/2021 21:06

He will get a mediation certificate if you dont make contact with mediation but the mediation service can show they attempted contact. If I were you I'd get into contact with mediation quick. Courts really dont like people who dont attend mediation without really (and I mean really) good reason. That would also have been the time to negotiate

Softspotwuss · 06/02/2021 21:10

Why are you opposed to his suggestion? Sounds reasonable unless you have actual concerns. Courts are only interested in what is best for the children.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 06/02/2021 21:22

Does he have any contact currently?

ElfAndSafetyInspector · 06/02/2021 21:28

Short answer is yes you can - either at mediation (if you can go back to that) or in sorting out the order. If he asks for EOW and you say every weekend, or EO(long)W so Thursday - Monday for example. However, you would need to be doing it based on the child's best interests not convenience. If he hasn't seen them for months then it's probably not in their interests suddenly to be shoved out for days at a time to someone they barely know. If however he sees them regularly and is just trying to formalise, then it would be entirely reasonable to say you think the contact plan should be EOW until [12 weeks time] and every other week Thursday to Monday thereafter, for example.

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 06/02/2021 21:34

@Hazelnutlatteplease

He will get a mediation certificate if you dont make contact with mediation but the mediation service can show they attempted contact. If I were you I'd get into contact with mediation quick. Courts really dont like people who dont attend mediation without really (and I mean really) good reason. That would also have been the time to negotiate

Well I found out he has cancelled the mediation because I'm apparently harassing him, when it was only last week he bribed me and said he won't bring the kids home until he talks to me face to face? But I didn't cancel the mediation he did I have proof that I wanted the mediation through texts.

OP posts:

PaterPower · 06/02/2021 21:34

I think some of you are missing the point a bit - the OP is asking if she can make her ex have the kids MORE frequently, not less. That she wants him to have at least some weekdays so he’s providing childcare when she wants to go out to work.

OP you can ask, but even if a judge changed the CAO it doesn’t force your ex to step up to the plate in the way you want.

Have you actually asked him to have them more than just EOW? He might be glad to but may think you wouldn’t want him to and is applying for EOW because he thinks that’s all he’ll get.

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 06/02/2021 21:35

@Hazelnutlatteplease

Does he have any contact currently?

He did have until last week when he bribed me and said he won't be returning the children until we've spoken face to face because I reached out as all this that's been going on the last 7 months has affected my mental help and I was needing him to have the kids for a few days he then used that against me by bribing me. But has been reporting me to the police saying I'm harassing him

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Original poster

Leanne1191 · 06/02/2021 21:37

@ElfAndSafetyInspector

Short answer is yes you can - either at mediation (if you can go back to that) or in sorting out the order. If he asks for EOW and you say every weekend, or EO(long)W so Thursday - Monday for example. However, you would need to be doing it based on the child's best interests not convenience. If he hasn't seen them for months then it's probably not in their interests suddenly to be shoved out for days at a time to someone they barely know. If however he sees them regularly and is just trying to formalise, then it would be entirely reasonable to say you think the contact plan should be EOW until [12 weeks time] and every other week Thursday to Monday thereafter, for example.

I'm going to ring the mediation company he went through and explain that the harassment is a joke when he asked me to meet him face to face last week I'll also be letting the court know Monday that he's the one who cancelled the mediation not me and I've proof I'll go to the mediation and that he has lied by saying we have already had one

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Original poster

Leanne1191 · 06/02/2021 21:38

@PaterPower

I think some of you are missing the point a bit - the OP is asking if she can make her ex have the kids MORE frequently, not less. That she wants him to have at least some weekdays so he’s providing childcare when she wants to go out to work.

OP you can ask, but even if a judge changed the CAO it doesn’t force your ex to step up to the plate in the way you want.

Have you actually asked him to have them more than just EOW? He might be glad to but may think you wouldn’t want him to and is applying for EOW because he thinks that’s all he’ll get.

No I've asked him loads of times to have them more so I can also work and he ignores me. Now he's applied for court order and wants every other weekend when I have already said this isn't enough.

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Starlightstarbright1 · 06/02/2021 21:39

No you can’t make him have the children more.. Do you really want your children there.

If he is threatening not to return them ask for a residency order.
M
What is contact now? What is he taking you to court for? How old is child in this ?

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 06/02/2021 21:40

@Starlightstarbright1

No you can’t make him have the children more.. Do you really want your children there.

If he is threatening not to return them ask for a residency order.
M
What is contact now? What is he taking you to court for? How old is child in this ?

He was seeing them every other weekend but I had to stop it because of what he don't last week and it frightened me, he said kids won't come back unless I have spoken to him face to face. Kids are 5 and 7

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Original poster

Leanne1191 · 06/02/2021 21:41

@Starlightstarbright1

No you can’t make him have the children more.. Do you really want your children there.

If he is threatening not to return them ask for a residency order.
M
What is contact now? What is he taking you to court for? How old is child in this ?

He has also made out to the courts that he didn't see them for 8 weeks which is lies 2 weeks I had to have a break from him because of the lies and mental abuse and then I found out his brother who to my understanding he was living with had covid

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Lovemusic33 · 06/02/2021 21:44

I think it’s very unlikely that a court could make him see them more than he agrees too, usually a court will agree to every other weekend and one evening during the week (every week) but if he refuses then there’s not much they can do.

Mediation is really the best way as you can sit down and discuss it with a 3rd person. I don’t think you can force him to look after the kids so you can work, if you could I would have taken my ex to court years ago as he only wants to see his kids for 5 hours a week, nothing I can do to make him have them longer

Lbnc2021 · 06/02/2021 21:44

Why on earth would you want them to go more with all these issues you’re worried about?

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 06/02/2021 21:46

@Lbnc2021

Why on earth would you want them to go more with all these issues you’re worried about?

Because I know that if there's a court order in place he can't just take the kids like that. I'll be the one they live with. I just need him to step up a little bit more as a dad so I can also work and provide for the children. That's all I want and have wanted and he won't have any of it.

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Pinetreesfall · 06/02/2021 21:48

Just been through exactly this. Get legal representation.
(The courts hate nothing more than having people argue in front of them with no representation to sort it out).

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 06/02/2021 21:48

@Lovemusic33

I think it’s very unlikely that a court could make him see them more than he agrees too, usually a court will agree to every other weekend and one evening during the week (every week) but if he refuses then there’s not much they can do.

Mediation is really the best way as you can sit down and discuss it with a 3rd person. I don’t think you can force him to look after the kids so you can work, if you could I would have taken my ex to court years ago as he only wants to see his kids for 5 hours a week, nothing I can do to make him have them longer

What if I say though that's him having them a little more is in the best interests of the children because I can then work and provide for them too.

But then I know why he won't have them anymore that that it's because he wants to be free and live his life with his missus.

I just thought I could ask the courts this because at the end of the day why can't he have them more? There's no reason for him not too?

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Original poster

Leanne1191 · 06/02/2021 21:49

@Pinetreesfall

Just been through exactly this. Get legal representation. (The courts hate nothing more than having people argue in front of them with no representation to sort it out).

I'm ringing a solicitor on Monday, I'm going to see if I can get legal aid.

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Lbnc2021 · 06/02/2021 21:50

I started a thread last night about my ex. I get where you’re coming from, I really do, but I’ve had to accept that my exhusband is an arsehole, it’ll never change, he’ll never be the dad I want him to be for our children and that I just need to get on with it. But I really do understand how you feel

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 06/02/2021 21:52

@Lbnc2021

I started a thread last night about my ex. I get where you’re coming from, I really do, but I’ve had to accept that my exhusband is an arsehole, it’ll never change, he’ll never be the dad I want him to be for our children and that I just need to get on with it. But I really do understand how you feel

Honestly I've been through so much shit with him the last 7 months you would not believe! I've had previous threads that explains it all. He has been vile, abusive and manipulative too. But .... he should see the kids more than that I think it's right and I don't get why a court would rule that out?

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Pinetreesfall · 06/02/2021 21:53

@Leanne1191 I think it really depends on where you are. Legal aid is so limited nowadays. Usually reserved for DV cases and even then it's tricky to get. My whole thing from him serving the papers to getting the order (and my live with order) cost £1300 to give you an idea.

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 06/02/2021 21:55

[quote Pinetreesfall]@Leanne1191 I think it really depends on where you are. Legal aid is so limited nowadays. Usually reserved for DV cases and even then it's tricky to get. My whole thing from him serving the papers to getting the order (and my live with order) cost £1300 to give you an idea. [/quote]
How did you pay for that? Do they do a plan?

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Lbnc2021 · 06/02/2021 21:55

Even if they did give him a court order saying he has them more often it doesn’t mean it’s an order that he must take them, it just means that you have to make them available for contact at those times. By the sounds of it I’d try my very best to be arrange my life with the kids without relying on him in anyway, easier said than done I know but that’s what I’m having to do and trust me, it feels so much better just relying on myself than being constantly let down by some twat

Original poster

Leanne1191 · 06/02/2021 21:59

@Lbnc2021

Even if they did give him a court order saying he has them more often it doesn’t mean it’s an order that he must take them, it just means that you have to make them available for contact at those times. By the sounds of it I’d try my very best to be arrange my life with the kids without relying on him in anyway, easier said than done I know but that’s what I’m having to do and trust me, it feels so much better just relying on myself than being constantly let down by some twat

Hmmm another thing can I say to them too that when he does have them he is to have them alone and not with the woman he cheated on me with? Because that is going to be so confusing for them?

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LittleOwl153 · 06/02/2021 21:59

Annoyingly even with a court order which states he is to have them 3 nights a week it is only that you have to make them available 3 nights a week - not that he actually has to turn up for them. It also means that he can use the court order in a CMS claim to say he has them 3 nights a week so needs to pay a lower maintenance even if he never turns up for them - so be careful what you ask for.