he says "nothing serious" but acts serious

[Lostgirl94]

Please help, I've been dating someone for about 8 months. I've known him for over 10 years and we've always been a big part of each other's lives, being drawn back to one another every time.

We have an incredible bond/ friendship, everyone around us says we are like best friends and we both agree the sex is the best we have ever had. Especially with lockdown and as we both live alone and are apart of our social bubble, we've been spending a lot of time together. some of my stuff is even at his place and when it was allowed he even brought me around his friends to get to know each other. Potentially TMI, but every time we sleep together he finishes inside me, I've told him even though I am on the pill this is still extremely risky but he doesn't care.

We basically have all the ingredients of the perfect relationship just without the title. Its valentines next week and also my birthday so he has asked me to stay the weekend, he is going to cook and we can have a drink to celebrate, which I'm really looking forward to.

Basically, I'm in love with him, always have been, always will be and he knows this. The thing is, in the past, he has said he can't imagine us being in a relationship and has mentioned he doesn't want anything serious... but what we have right now is very much so I would say?

I don't want to scare him off but also don't know how much longer I should continue this without kidding myself. He makes me the happiest I have ever been and I know I do the same for him because he has told me.

What should i do? or am i an idiot.

Most men wouldn’t wear a condom if you allowed them to 🙄

I think you're invested in the idea that if he hasn't been sleeping around, then he's somehow yours or this thing you have has some future.

It doesn't. He has literally spelled out to you that he doesn't take your arrangement seriously. You are pleasant company, he likes having sex with you, but either he wants to keep the door open in case another woman takes his fancy, or he simply doesn't see you as longterm relationship material. Someone I knew years ago was besotted with a man who clearly had no intention of making her his girlfriend. It's a horrible waste of your time.

@SoulofanAggron

She hasn't asked him to wear one?

I'm sure she initially asked him to wear them. It's quite clear she'd prefer him to. He has just weedled to not wear them despite her much prefering it if he did.

And if he is coming inside her and she's outright said beforehand that that's not what she's agreeing to (again, it's clear it's not what she wants, either way) that's really dodgy.

Either way, he's pushing her boundaries to the max.

No that's not what she said.

As PP said she used this as evidence that he was serious about her.

Most men wouldn’t wear a condom if you allowed them to

@Happycat1212 Yes, and pushing for it makes them tw*ts if you've said to them that you want to use them.

No that's not what she said. As PP said she used this as evidence that he was serious about her.

@RootyT00t She had a pregnancy scare she didn't enjoy and so she sees not using condoms as ultra risky- it is a risk of something she did not enjoy in the past.

It is not what she wanted/intended initially due to the risk.

That's how I took it anyway.

@Lostgirl94 If you're really seeing him coming inside of you when you see it as a risk of pregnancy as evidence he really likes you, I can assure you it's not.

He probably sees the risk like the average person, and if you're on the pill it's actually very low risk, so no consequences for him.

If a woman does get pregnant, the risks of that are actually very low for the man. To the extent that a lot of them will risk it to get their d*ck wet.

Because all the risk is to you, not him. You'd have to go through an abortion, or a pregnancy, and a birth. An abortion is draining and takes a physical and mental toll, it'll set you back/make life harder for a while. Giving birth could hypothetically kill you, leave you with incontinence or other problems, and your life/career gets derailed. Not his. He could just choose to disappear.

The CSA might get on to him in those circumstances, that's all he'd have to worry about.

And he sees all this as low risk anyway (which it is, but you're entitled to your understandable fears and boundaries.)

So, him doing this doesn't mean you're special. It just means he likes to come without pulling out.

@SoulofanAggron

Most men wouldn’t wear a condom if you allowed them to

*@Happycat1212 Yes, and pushing for it makes them twts if you've said to them that you want to use them.

No that's not what she said. As PP said she used this as evidence that he was serious about her.

@RootyT00t She had a pregnancy scare she didn't enjoy and so she sees not using condoms as ultra risky- it is a risk of something she did not enjoy in the past.

It is not what she wanted/intended initially due to the risk.

That's how I took it anyway.

@Lostgirl94 If you're really seeing him coming inside of you when you see it as a risk of pregnancy as evidence he really likes you, I can assure you it's not.

He probably sees the risk like the average person, and if you're on the pill it's actually very low risk, so no consequences for him.

If a woman does get pregnant, the risks of that are actually very low for the man. To the extent that a lot of them will risk it to get their d*ck wet.

Because all the risk is to you, not him. You'd have to go through an abortion, or a pregnancy, and a birth. An abortion is draining and takes a physical and mental toll, it'll set you back/make life harder for a while. Giving birth could hypothetically kill you, leave you with incontinence or other problems, and your life/career gets derailed. Not his. He could just choose to disappear.

The CSA might get on to him in those circumstances, that's all he'd have to worry about.

And he sees all this as low risk anyway (which it is, but you're entitled to your understandable fears and boundaries.)

So, him doing this doesn't mean you're special. It just means he likes to come without pulling out.

You're a bit over the top here.

I just realized OP said she miscarried. That is a very unpleasant experience, I've had two missed miscarriages myself. So her fear is even more understandable.

I'm currently in a FWB situation too op.
I'm into him, he's not into me, but yes I'm good company and the sex is good, so he's ok with me hanging around.
I'm going to have to get the courage to finish it when lockdown ends (if he doesn't find someone before then to replace me).
I'm going to be gutted, but I deserve to have love in my life and be loved so I'll have to get back out there and date.

I'm in my forties, not looking to have children, and I've been married before so not necessarily looking for that either.

In your position, all the best guys are snapped up in late 20s/early 30s, you need to be out there dating them before they disappear. It gets increasingly more and more difficult to find a decent guy who wants what you want every year that passes.

I've witnessed that over the last 20 years, I'm just warning you, I would hate for you to miss out on having a family with a decent guy.