New partner having a female friend

[TC68]

I have been dating a man for the past 6 months - everything was perfect - we get on so well but he has a female friend who he used to date - she has a daughter the same age as his daughter and they are close. He went on holiday with her last year in a small caravan so it would have been very intimate in regards to sleeping arrangements. He talks about her all of the time and is always saying ' I have just spoken to 'Teresa' on the phone. On the weekends he has his daughter he goes over to her house - they drink together and he stays over - surely if they are just friends they could meet with the girls in the day. I feel so hurt that we are in a relationship and should be spending time together but he is with her

It sounds as if it was a bit intense in a short time?

Not to berate you OP, but if there’s a lesson to be learnt, it’s worth not introducing a potential new partner for a while or meeting their kids for that matter.

I appreciate that it may be due to the limitations of Covid but most people are on their best behaviour at the start of a relationship and it’s worth getting through this early phrase without involving kids and family in my opinion.

I think if this was the other way around and a man was saying he was uncomfortable with a significant male friend of a female partner it would be correctly identified as abusive and controlling behaviour.

That being said there isn’t anything at all objectionable to your feelings. I have some incredibly important to me female friends, one or two in particular I am very close to, as we have seen one another through some particularly rough times.

However an important characteristic of these friendships is that we are each other’s biggest cheerleaders. When one or the other of us are in romantic relationships we’ll both make very significant efforts to accommodate the others new partners.

One of my besties has just moved in with a new partner, who I get on extremely well with. Likewise my friend is very keen in time to get to know this new woman I have fallen for. I think if you are truly friends with someone that is the approach to take. I wouldn’t want my friend’s boyfriend to feel in the least bit insecure with how close I am with his girlfriend, and vice versa she wouldn’t want the same.

If after having made every effort I still had a girlfriend that had a problem with our closeness I’m afraid without judgement (as people don’t always have the same values) I’d have to conclude those values were not aligned enough for one another and we’d have to split.

Just read this thread and wanted to say how awful for you especially only living several doors away from one another.
Hold your head up high, you have done nothing wrong, what a prat he is.

After this experience I am going t be even more insecure and paranoid - happened to me twice now when ' She is Just a friend' was a sleeping partner

So she was his romantic and sexual partner - or his friend with benefits.
That's changed the whole dynamics here as the guy is/was in non exclusive sexual relationships with at least 2 women and was not open about it.

I’m sorry, OP. Did he finally admit it? What a selfish, manipulative loser. He clearly lacks integrity and is a terrible role model for his daughter.

You knew something was amiss and you were uncomfortable with his boundary crossing. Always trust your instincts and move on when red flags show up.

You are devastated now, but you and DD will go from strength to strength. He, on the other hand, will just continue his deceptive, sexually incontinent behavior.